Will Harry Maguire ever emerge from the dusty dugout he calls home?

The curtain has risen on a brand-new season of the Premier League, yet already it’s apparent that many things are going to pan out in exactly the same manner as before. Chelsea continue to fling their dollars around like sailors on shore leave. Liverpool are still incapable of properly replacing Graeme Souness. And yet again, for what seems like the 1,000th Old Trafford evening in a row, Harry Maguire sits brooding in the stands with a slab on. Whatever must the po’ erstwhile Manchester United captain be thinking?! Once considered part of a proud lineage that includes Bobby Charlton, Bryan Robson and Roy Keane, he’s now worryingly close to the top of a list featuring David May, Marcos Rojo and William Prunier. Oh Harry! That it’s come to this! Still!

You have to feel for the big man. On Monday against Wolves, blow after metaphorical blow rained down on his statuesque noggin. First up, the starting XI, and more proof if any were needed that Erik ten Hag doesn’t trust him as much as a man who can’t be trusted to play more than 45 minutes without picking up two needless yellow cards. Then, when the gloriously reckless Lisandro Martínez was hooked during the break, Victor Lindelof was sent on in his stead, leaving Po’ Harry alone in a dusty corner of the dugout, all ignored in the dark and covered in cobwebs. The match dramatically culminated in Lindelof impotently watching a cross sail over his head and André Onana clumsily clattering into an opponent. Those used to be Harry’s jobs! Not any more.

Reluctantly realising the jig is up, Maguire had been hoping to get regular clatter time with West Ham, and to this end a £30m deal was agreed between the two clubs. But even that plan has now gone awry, with the Hammers losing patience while waiting for Maguire to secure the £7m payoff he wants to leave Old Trafford. Add in concerns of some members of West Ham’s recruitment team that their money would be better spent on a defender who can run faster and turn more elegantly than a Ford Model T, and the deal has reportedly collapsed in the Keystone Studios style.

United, meanwhile, are extremely reluctant to cough up all that cash to get Maguire off their wage bill, even though the player received a whopping salary increase as a result of United reaching Big Cup. And who can blame them? But given that Onana wasn’t penalised for his outrageous barge on Sasa Kalajdzic on Monday night – an oversight so egregious that Howard Webb has stood down the referee and VAR team responsible and apologised to Wolves – United may have concluded that it seems they can get away with absolutely anything right now.

“I’m so tired of crying championship tears. I don’t think people understand the energy and the passion that is behind this. It really sucks. We dreamed of a World Cup final” – the pain is real for Kosovare Asllani after a dramatic end to the Women’s World Cup semi-final in which Sweden equalised two minutes from the end of normal time only to watch Olga Carmona take a sledgehammer to their hopes a minute later as she shot Spain to a 2-1 victory and their first ever final. Ouch.

It’s David Squires on … that airborne Lord of the Rings fan, Sazball and a semi-final to savour at the Women’s World Cup.

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Whenever I see a certain ex-England and Manchester United player miss an open net (reflex reactions to players’ names – Fiver letters passim), I hear The Cranberries: ‘Do you have to … Do you have to … Do you have to, Jesse Lingard’ – James Everard.

Whenever John Motson name-checked Paul Parker during England v Belgium in the 1990 World Cup, some bloke in the pub where I was watching said, ‘Yes, m’lady?’ a total of what felt like 1,057 times. I can no longer watch Thunderbirds” – Ben Carrdus.

Alderweireld’s a stage” – Gerard Flanagan.

I was surprised to read that reigning La Liga champions Barcelona were held to a draw by modest opponents on the opening weekend. I stopped short of feeling sorry for the blaugrana, however. After all, as the saying goes, when the going Getafe, Getafe get going” – Peter Oh.

Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’ the day is … James Everard.

Millie Bright reckons England couldn’t care less about facing thousands of flamin’ noisy Australians in the World Cup semi-final. “You want it to be tense. You want it to be noisy,” she roared. “Credit to Australia for selling out the stadium and creating that atmosphere because, like we always know, the women’s game is still on a journey but what a place to be.”

Meanwhile, Australia coach Tony Gustavasson has hinted that Sam Kerr will again be used off the bench against England. “Consistency and chemistry is key for any team that wants to be successful in tournaments,” he blabbed, while holding his World Cup cards to his chest.

Kevin De Bruyne has been ruled out for three to four months with hamstring-twang, which has given Manchester City’s rivals hope that the title race might not be over by Christmas.

The officials who bungled that penalty call during Manchester United’s 1-0 win over Wolves have not been selected for matches this weekend and, presumably, are now nervously kicking their heels outside Master Webb’s office.

Arsenal have signed top, top stopper David Raya on a season-long loan from Brentford. “I’m over the moon to be able to take this challenge in my career and make the step up,” he parped.

In more goalkeeping news, Kepa Arrizabalaga is already hoping for a longer stay at Real Madrid after sealing a season-long loan move. “I come on loan but hopefully with my effort and my performance level, that can happen,” he trilled.

And Newcastle fans were chuffed to bits to see pictures of Sandro Tonali in Gosforth Wetherspoons after the club’s 5-1 win over Aston Villa. “[He’s on] 150k a week and he’s on the mixed grills. Madness man,” honked one fan, who probably would have had a different view if Villa won.

Can Australia hold their nerve and win the tactical battle in the World Cup semi-final against England? Anita Asante looks ahead to Wednesday’s crunch match in the latest edition of Moving the Goalposts. Sign up here! Sign up here! Sign up here!

England midfielder Georgia Stanway explains how her mentor, the former Manchester United player Luke Chadwick, has helped her stay focused on her game.

Tess McClure writes that record attendances in New Zealand for Women’s World Cup matches have proved the doubters wrong.

The market, and not members of Manchester United’s women’s team, is what will ultimately decide Mason Greenwood’s future, says Jonathan Liew.

Liverpool’s once-slick transfer-market operation has become beset by instability and muddled-thinking, writes Andy Hunter.

Don’t be fooled into thinking Lionel Messi turned down a move to Saudi Arabia on ethical grounds, writes Karim Zidan.

And will Aston Villa lure Nicolò Zaniolo from Galatasaray? Barry Glendenning brings you the latest hot transfer gossip in Tuesday’s Rumour Mill.

A little reminder that it’s 20 years since Chelsea first started throwing around cash like Mansun at Liverpool Street Station (searingly up-to-date music reference there – Football Daily Ed). Here’s Claudio Ranieri proudly presenting new signings Wayne Bridge, Marco Ambrosio, Geremi, Glen Johnson and Damien Duff in August 2003. We like how seriously Geremi is taking it.