Will the grass be greener for Chido Obi-Martin at Manchester United?

We’re all friends here, so we can speak to each other honestly. Which actually sounds like the opposite of what friends do, but it’s a nice thought so let’s stick with it: all of us reading or writing this are poorly and need help. Outside, it’s a beautiful day, while inside, Big Sports Day is on the telly and we’re now experts in synchronised diving, pistol shooting and E. Coli bacteria, educating those around us with the devastating scope and penetrating originality of our insights.

Football, though, is a potent sickness, a lifelong affliction easy to contract and almost impossible to shake that has seemingly sane(ish) people gibbering and slavering like heat-struck honey badgers, desperate to scavenge an elusive sense of meaning from the rotting carcass of human existence. Which, of course, brings us to Chido Obi-Martin, who will soon join Manchester United from Arsenal – to the respective ecstasy and agony of both clubs’ famously placid support. Tensions were already edifyingly high following Arsenal’s 2-1 victory in the pre-season game between the sides – internet sages have been exchanging epithets and aphorisms since the corresponding encounter last year, centring on who knacked whose players worse – but things have intensified since, grown adults sharing tantrums or luxuriating in credit for errors or achievements that have nothing whatsoever to do with them.

Like Folarin Balogun, James Wilson and Jay Emmanuel-Thomas before him, Obi-Martin has been unfathomably successful at age-group level, so the crowing excitement is understandable: 10 goals against Liverpool’s legendary under-16s, along with 32 goals in 18 games for Arsenal under-18s, can translate to nothing other than a glorious Premier League career. And though it seems strange for an ambitious youngster to depart Mikel Arteta’s unstoppable band of potential winners, it of course makes perfect sense that he joins Manchester United, whose success in nurturing players and personalities has defined the last decade.

Consequently, United were able to convince Obi-Martin that, though he is not Dutch and has never previously worked with Erik ten Hag, the better pathway to first-team football lay with them, Arsenal’s phalanx of non-goalscoring centre-forwards offering no apparent opportunity for a burgeoning goal-machine. On the other hand, Ten Hag’s squad represents the perfect incubating environment for a hungry, ambitious talent, boasting two young strikers – Rasmus Højlund and Joshua Zirkzee – bought for colossal money and at least two years shy of being binned off as abject failures. Which, er, brings us back to where we started …

That would be the biggest loss of face in the history of football, if I said: ‘I’ll make an exception for you’” – amazingly, after deciding he needed a break from the unbearable grind of football, Jürgen Klopp has no plans to give up playing padel and lying on a sun-lounger in Mallorca to take on the England job.

I’d never previous noticed the link to the terms and conditions for (y)our competitions in the letters section. I notice that item 20 states that content must not be distasteful or offensive. Well, what’s the [snip]ing point, then?” – Steve Allen.

Can I be the first of 1,057 pedants to point out to Dedric Helgert of USA USA USA (yesterday’s Football Daily letters) that nobody would spend a dime to watch ‘Hotspurs’ since no such soccer team – or at least, none felicitously referred to as Tottenham – exists?” – James Humphries (and no others).

Is Jack Grealish (yesterday’s Quote of the Day) the only footballer to cover his magnificent calves with long socks when not playing but expose them while on the pitch? Seems perverse” – Mike Hulse.

With Steve Coogan cast as Mick McCarthy (yesterday’s Football Daily), and England looking for a new manager, I think England should hire Steve Coogan as the interim on the basis he acts as Mick McCarthy for all games. Might not be successful but would be interesting (or hilarious) to see how Roy Keane – from his role as a pundit – would react. Football, after all, is meant to be entertaining” – Andy Gill.

Send letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. Today’s prizeless letter o’ the day winner is … Steve Allen. Terms and conditions for our competitions can be viewed here.

The United States Deaf Women’s National Team are on the surge and their story is an inspiring one. They recently shared a double-header with the USWNT and captain Laura Howard has written this week’s edition of our sister newsletter detailing what a wonderful experience it was. “I get teary thinking about it now,” she said. “We were all crying on the way to the stadium just overcome with: ‘Wow, look where we are now.’ To share that moment with them was once in a lifetime.” You can sign up for Moving The Goalposts here.

Big Website’s top, top, cartoonist David Squires has a new book out soon – it’s called Chaos in the Box and looks as good as you might expect it to be. Taking us from 2018 to the 2024 Euros, Squires tackles the big questions: is Emo José Mourinho doing OK after his latest ride on the managerial carousel? How many more teams will be lucky enough to be bought by “benevolent” billionaires? Will Manchester City ever let anyone else win the Premier League again? And how does Fifa continue to be laughably inept in almost every way imaginable? You can pre-order a copy in the Guardian Bookshop for a reduced price of £11.99. What are you waiting for!?

The speed with which the Manchester United curse has struck Leny Yoro is extreme even by the usual standard – the young centre-back has been seen on crutches and wearing a protective boot after knacking himself in the pre-season defeat by Arsenal. Meantime, Amad Diallo fancies himself a big season, which is sweet.

Manchester United Women are poised to sign Anna Sandberg from Häcken for what will be a record fee for a Swedish player, while Arsenal have bought the Netherlands keeper, Daphne van Domselaar, from Aston Villa. And elsewhere, Indiah-Paige Riley is Crystal Palace-bound from PSV.

Cas has dismissed an appeal from Canada’s women’s team for a six-point deduction to be reduced or waived after the dronegate scandal.

And in the men’s Big Sports Day competition, France will meet Argentina in the last eight of men’s football. Yes, that could be tasty.

To Wrexham’s official website and the squad list for the new season is one of the more novel things you will scroll down all day. Here’s a spoiler.

Which football squad has had most future Premier League managers? The Knowledge knows.

Is Mikel Merino the latest missing piece in Arsenal’s title-winning jigsaw? Sam Hammond explains why he might be.

And check out our whizzy transfer interactives. The men’s one is here. And the women’s version is here.

It’s July 1934 and the nine-foot high Tottenham Hotspur c0ckerel at White Hart Lane is given a polish during the summer break.