1. Fox Host Judge Jeanine Told Trump to Pardon Ex-Husband: CNN

  SCRATCH MY BACK 

Jeanine Pirro was reportedly upset when her ex wasn’t on the initial list Wednesday morning, and lobbied Trump to add him at the last minute.

2. Fauci Tells WHO Meeting: America is Back and Ready to Help

 STARTING OVER 

Fauci proudly told WHO leaders early Thursday that President Joe Biden will reverse Trump’s attempts to withdraw from the agency.

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3. This Book Is the Positivity and Motivation I Need in 2021

 PASS THE POSITIVITY 

Think of it as collaborative, cathartic, motivational work between you and the author, explicitly tailored to your emotional needs.

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4. AOC Brutally Mocks Ted Cruz for Dumb Paris Climate Tweet

 JE NE COMPRENDS PAS 

The Texas senator launched a clueless attack on President Joe Biden’s decision to re-enter the Paris Climate Agreement on his first day in office.

5. Twitter Locks Out China’s U.S. Embassy Over Uighur Defense

 SHUT UP 

In its final hours, the Trump administration accused China of committing genocide against the Uighurs in Xinjiang, a belief shared by the new Biden administration.

6. I Wear This Lululemon Hoodie Every Single Day

 THE BEST AROUND 

Lululemon already made my favorite pants to wear, now, they’ve taken over the top, too.

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7. Self-Described Anarchists Smash Windows at Dems’ Portland HQ

 ‘WE ARE UNGOVERNABLE’ 

Several arrests were made as a gathering to protest Joe Biden’s inauguration turned chaotic.

8. IA Pork Exec Donated to Gov., Company Got the Most COVID Aid

 QUID PORK QUO 

Mary Ann Christensen donated $25,000. Christensen Farms got $1.86 million.

9. This Is the Only Way I Help Prevent Crippling Migraines

 ROLL ON 

This stick is filled with essential oils that soothe and prevent my migraines like nothing else out there.

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10. Biden Admin Imposes 100-Day Pause on Some Deportations

 MORATORIUM 

Starting Jan. 22, the deportation process will be halted for “certain noncitizens.”

11. Joe Exotic Says He Was ‘Too Gay’ for Trump to Pardon Him

 CATFIGHT 

The Netflix star had hired a stretch limousine to ferry him away from Fort Worth prison.

12. Three Army Soldiers Killed in NY Helicopter Crash

 TRAGIC 

Flags in New York will be lowered to half staff in their honor Thursday.

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13. Tucker Justifies Skipping Inaugural Concert: ‘Lot Going On’

 SEE NO EVIL 

Fox News’ pro-Trump primetime hosts largely ignored the inaugural celebrations on Wednesday night, focusing instead on attacking Biden.

14. Biden to Staff: I’ll Fire You if You Disrespect Each Other

 ‘NO IF, ANDS, OR BUTS’ 

Biden appeared to reference the Trump administration’s reported penchant for discord, telling staffers that “decency” should be a priority.

15. Senate Confirms First Woman as Intelligence Director

 FIRST TO THE PUNCH 

Haines is Biden’s first Cabinet member to be confirmed.

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