Confidence is a key element of success. People who are confident are generally resilient, competent in their field, have good instincts about their work and are willing to take risks to grow. 

 

But confidence is earned, not given, writes Frank Sonnenberg in today’s Leadership & Development story. The only way to earn it is by walking through the fires of bad days, failed projects, high pressure, missed deadlines, hard conversations, awkward moments and so forth. There are no short cuts.

 

I thought of this as I mulled over the conversation I had yesterday with my son. (See yesterday’s column for context.) He is struggling a bit in his new job. As we picked through the issues he’s experiencing, I realized that his confidence was low and that this was creating anxiety and distraction. Low confidence was blurring his perspective. All he could see was that he wasn’t picking things up fast enough and he was worried about falling behind on his workload. He was feeling bad, stressed and frustrated. 

 

The sympathetic mother in me wanted to give him a solution that would make it all go away now. But the manager in me stepped back and took a long look at the whole situation. 

 

What should my response be, as his boss? I’ve got responsibilities too and people to whom I’m accountable. Part of my success rests in his ability to get his work done. When he comes to me for a conversation, how do I play this? If he says the workload is crushing, due in part to his unfamiliarity with the systems he’s working on, how do I respond? Do I apply the gas and say (basically), “This is the job -- keep up!”? Or, do I apply the brakes, slowly, and hear him out? Do I tell him that he’s not in danger of being fired and that we’re here to support his growth and success, in whatever form that takes?

 

I went with a hybrid mother/manager approach. The mama in me said, “Duckling, this is part of the process, this is part of career growth. Endure. This is normal. Try to tamp down on the pressure you’re putting on you.”

 

The manager in me gave him practical direction and insight. I told him that hiring people is an expensive, long process, especially for schools. Once someone is hired, employers want to keep them (the obvious exception being the the total loser who somehow escaped everyone’s radar during the interviews). 

 

I reminded him that he’s a skilled IT professional with 10 years of experience. He has the ability to learn new systems, but it will take time. He may have to put in some extra time, right now, to get familiar with them, but that’s fine. That’s not forever. And it's fair.

 

I also encouraged him to have an honest conversation with his trainer. “Don’t bury your concerns,” I said, honestly. “That’s not fair to her. She’s not a mind reader; she’s trying to help you. Tell her where you’re stuck -- even if that means saying workload -- so she knows where to focus her training.”

I'm curious about how you would handle this situation. What would you as managers and HR professionals, say to him? There's no wrong or right answer. I just want your candid feedback. Let me know! And if you enjoy this brief, tell others so they can benefit also.