Dear John,

Have you ever had someone “go off” on you? Don’t react!

Instead respond.

Responding is easier said than done and because of this, you need a plan. I have a plan I review with myself on a regular basis that allows me to respond when someone “goes off” on me or my team that is way out of proportion.

It’s simple and allows me to lead and respond with kindness.

I ask myself a powerful question:

“Would a secure person “go off” like this?”

The answer is NO every single time.

The person going off is not secure. Secure people don’t go off. This means I am either dealing with an insecure person or a person who is acting insecure because of something going on in their life. Either way, their “going off” has nothing to do with me.

Once you understand this, it puts you in a position to lead in a powerful way. Because the outburst has nothing to do with you, you can remain emotionally unaffected by it and respond with kindness and move to de-escalate the situation. Not being drawn in emotionally is often enough by itself to allow the person who is “going off” to come back down.

Remember, when someone “goes off” it is not about you, it is about them. They are insecure and something is driving the outburst. This allows you to step back, and with kindness you can discover and focus on the root cause.

Choose to Win!

Tom