The moment I discovered the profound impact of asking — or being asked — the right question was during my first experience with a clearness committee.
Clearness committees are discernment groups with roots in the Quaker tradition. As a “focus person” (the person with the issue for discernment), my job was to share briefly with the committee members. For about 90 minutes, their job was to ask me questions. The more questions they asked, the more deeply I reflected on the issue. The more deeply I reflected on the issue, the more I heard the Spirit speaking.
The right question is a powerful gift.
I want to share three simple questions for reflection that have emerged out of the field of group facilitation:
- “What?”
- “So what?”
- “Now what?”
These three questions need to be in every leader’s reflective toolkit. You can use them in small groups, action reviews, staff interventions, mentoring conversations and even as a communication or storytelling rubric to guide change management.
The question “what?” is about identifying. What is the situation? What happened? Do you have enough information, or the right information, to know what’s really going on? New leaders like to start with “how?” because they are eager to make changes, but that’s a mistake. When you reflect on a meeting that went awry, or you try to understand your congregation’s culture of hospitality, start with the question “what?” Focus on the facts and try to be objective.
The second question is “so what?” After you gather information, move to interpretation. At this stage of the reflection process, the goal is to make sense of what happened. How did you feel about what you heard in the meeting? What motivates members to respond to newcomers in a certain way? Do you notice a broader pattern of behaviors? What are the consequences of this event or situation?
The third question is “now what?” Once we’ve collected the facts and examined our feelings, we can develop action items. What are we going to do to move forward in a positive manner? What changes does the church need to make to improve the outcomes? What habits do we need to establish as leaders to be more effective in our roles?
