The Evangelical Theological Society (ETS), a professional academic society of biblical and theological scholars, pastors, and students, has existed for 75 years. Wheaton professor Karen Jones joined the society in 1989. Her earliest recollections of ETS gatherings are littered with men asking her whose wife she was. As one of the few female members of ETS at the time, the general assumption among attendees was that any women present were the wives of theologians rather than theologians themselves.

In 2014, a qualitative study of women’s experiences at ETS found “an atmosphere that feels hostile and unwelcoming.” Some women have stopped attending the conferences because of the sense that they don’t belong there.

But Jobes and many others (male and female alike) have stuck with it, aiming to create the hospitality the society lacked. A women’s networking event is now a highlight of the ETS experience for many attendees. And, in 2024, Jobes will lead ETS as its first female president.

Jobes’ choice to stick with the society even at personal cost is reminiscent of Clare Coffey’s recent CT article, “The Imprudence of ‘Dump Them.’” Coffey writes about the modern phenomenon, seemingly fueled by the intersection of popularized self-help strategies and social media, of setting strong boundaries. Language like “going no-contact” and “protecting my peace” has become mainstream. Sometimes, this is the right approach. There are reasons to walk away that are “as disparate as overcommitment and abuse,” writes Coffey.

Of course, the realization that there are times to leave then begs the question: but when do I stay?

In the case of ETS, women who decided not to attend anymore did not fail or make a lesser choice than those who stayed. And yet, the tenacity and hope of women like Jobes can help us remember that there are times when staying matters. There are times when our gifts, abilities, and communities can help us stick with tough relationships and, God willing, be part of ushering them into better days.

As we sit around Thanksgiving tables this week, may we do so with gratitude for the grit of women who have gone before us, carving paths for us to walk. And may we consider the places God may be encouraging us to leave or stay.