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 Hello QDT listeners,
This week, Dr. Johnson is talking about practical ways to set up boundaries and maintain them. Listen to the full episode here.
I have received several questions around how boundaries can help with relationship problems. The benefits of boundaries are, well, boundless. When I was receiving my training, one way that boundaries were taught to me was that they’re like skin. A boundary protects everything you have inside from the contaminants of the outside. If you’ve struggled with boundaries, this may make sense to you. When you don’t set boundaries, you can feel physically, emotionally, and even spiritually ill. Similar to skin, boundaries are also permeable. They allow you to be protected and interact with the world, but it also lets relational interactions inside, the same way skin protects bacteria from getting in, but you can also apply medicines or creams to the skin that serve a positive function.
Let’s say you have a friend who you like, but they make jokes at your expense at times and it hurts your feelings. You’ve been afraid to talk to them about it because you don’t want to hurt their feelings, but not doing so has caused you to avoid interacting with them as much. Moreover, when you do interact with them, you’re on edge because you are bracing yourself for the next unpleasant joke. Consequently, you’re not able to enjoy the time with them as much and you’re not able to be your authentic self anymore.
In many cases, this scenario can be improved by a conversation about your boundaries. Additionally, boundaries can help to reduce issues related to co-dependence in a relationship. Having assertive boundaries that protect you and respect other people means that we seek to find a middle path. We aren’t doing too much or too little. We aren’t taking responsibility for things that we shouldn’t and we are holding ourselves accountable for the things that we should. Moreover, when you’re able to set boundaries in your relationships and maintain them, it communicates to yourself that you have value and that you can express yourself, be authentic, and still be worthy of love.
And that’s one of the biggest questions I get asked in therapy: “If I am truly myself, am I worthy of love?” The answer is yes, but you’re never going to believe it blindly. This is an answer that needs to be discovered, so I implore you to have some faith, young padawan, and walk this path with me.
To aid you on your journey, I’m going to give you 6 practical guidelines to follow in this episode. If you prefer to read a transcript, you can find that here.
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- Savvy Psychologist shares practical tips on setting boundariesListen here.
- Project Parenthood helps you assert your own needs Listen here.
- Money Girl investigates saving money with an HSA. Listen here.
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- Modern Mentor helps us manage quiet quitting (assuming it's real). Listen here.
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| Other Birds |
From the acclaimed author of Garden Spells comes an enchanting tale of lost souls, lonely strangers, secrets that shape us, and how the right flock can guide you home.
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