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Dear Do,
Do you have anyone in your life who is breaking your heart, because of a spiral they are in?
It might be a spiral of addiction, depression, anxiety, overwhelm, anger…
any downward spiral that is keeping them from being able to be the person you know they actually are?
It’s just heartbreaking, isn’t it?
When it isn’t infuriating or debilitating or demoralizing
or all the other very human reactions that you go through over their pain,
and their inability to get themselves out of it,
their inability or unwillingness to receive help,
their apparent insistence on not seeing the writing on the wall…
yes, there’s a lot of frustration and anger and pain for you as well.
Which of course makes it really really hard to not lash out at them,
at yourself, at the situation…the spiral reaches out to capture everyone in its vortex.
So you wonder,
Underneath all the pain, suffering, despair and whatever it is that is holding them in the spiral,
How do you actually help these people?
What is it you can actually help them to do?
You have seen that sometimes your best of intentions make the problem worse.
You know the pain of offering something that took it all the other direction…
You also know that sometimes you hit on a really good turn of phrase,
the perfect time to give a hug, the perfect time to stand back and not intrude
on some emotion they really need to go through instead of be pulled out of…
(and yet five minutes later they may be ready
for you to give them a hand pulling out of it,
and sometimes you know that too…)
Yes. It’s an art and a science.
And you can learn this.
You can learn to be a really, really powerfully good friend
who can be there in a way that helps them profoundly.
You can have a much better sense of how to be with this person,
in a way that truly supports them in the moments they are moving through.
You can do this.
This is what I am going to be teaching in the program I am offering in September -
How to do just this:
How to get YOURSELF to the place where the knowing what is needed,
and how best to offer it in the moment and over time, comes far more naturally to you.
I am going to help you see what is happening and what is possible,
by painting a picture of what is happening in the interaction, at various times,
and how you fit into it.
Through this I will give you a really good way to feel into
the difference between supporting and rescuing,
and the difference between rescue that is needed and rescue that is a falling back into the spiral.
This will help you know when to let them swim on their own,
and findmore of their own capacity -
and when to actually reach out to keep them from drowning.
There are not rules to this.
I cannot tell you in this instance you do this, not that.
That is just simply not how it works.
It works by each of us being more and more in tune, more able to read the situation,
more open to the moment by moment nuances.
So I will be teaching you how to manage your own energy to be truly there,
completely there for them in a way that serves,
but in no way diminishes you – on fact quite the opposite.
I will be teaching you how to hold the boundaries – the edges, the distinctions –
between you and them, in a way that serves both of you,
helps you both get stronger, more loving and able to truly make a difference.
And then I am going to give you some tools that will make it easier
for you to manage the things in you that make this difficult.
The little voices that come from your own fear, your own exhaustion,
your own authentic and valid needs.
The little voices that say – But what about me?
Trust me. That is the voice inside that this entire program is designed to speak to.
Not just for that other person.
For you, too, so you have as much to give as you would really like to be able to give.
You will learn how to honor yourself, so you give only from an overflow I can help you gain access to,
not as a sacrifice of your precious core energy.
This is boundary holding at its most loving.
I will help you becoming able and willing to truly meet them where you both are,
so together you can move this entire situation back into love, |
away from the fear, disconnection and loneliness that has created it. For both of you.
If you would like to learn what that actually entails and how to do it for yourself,
I hope you’ll join me for the program I am offering in September.
Four training calls, four opportunities for live coaching in a group setting –it’s going to be a powerful program.
You can read about it here:
http://scoutwilkins.com/boundaries-that-honor-wholeness/
Today is the last day to receive the early bird 50% discount.
It will still be very affordable at full price – but today you can get it twice as affordably.
Please check it out, and join me.
Warmly,
Scout
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