Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, May 17 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: SC man drove 106 mph with small kids unbuckled in the car Details At  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, May 17 in 1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ The most remarkable thing about my mother is that for thirty years she served the family nothing but leftovers. The original meal has never been found. --- Calvin Trillin (1935 - ) Nobody believes the official spokesman... but everybody trusts an unidentified source. --- Ron Nesen or CNN ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ An e-mail computer virus swept across the globe that automatically opens pornographic websites on the victim's screen. Authorities intend to track down the hackers responsible for the virus just as soon as somebody complains. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Anni and her family took a tour of England. They joined a group of tourists on a bus to visit Runnymede, England. They gather around the guide who says, "This is the spot where the barons forced King John to sign the Magna Carta." Anni pushing her way to the front of the crowd asks, "When did that happen?" "1215," answers the guide. Anni looked at her watch and said, "Shoot! Just missed it by a half hour!" ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  James Bradley Deese, 23, Union, South Carolina  SC man drove 106 mph with small kids unbuckled in the car  Deputies say they arrested a Union man who they clocked driving over 100 mph with two small children unbuckled in the back seat. James Bradley Deese, 23, was charged by the Union County Sheriffs Office with reckless driving and driving under suspension. He was also ticketed for having two unrestrained children in the vehicle. Deputies say they started following Deese just before 9 p.m. Wednesday on Lockhart Highway. Radar indicated he was driving 106 mph. Deese slowed down to 86 mph when deputies turned on blue lights to pull the small car over. It was during the talk with Deese that deputies say they noticed two small children were in the back seat of the car. They were not restrained or wearing seat belts, according to the incident report.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Britta P Re: Phone plus DSL at the same time Dear Webby Is it safe to dump my first phone number and just use the second one that has the DSL on it? Would I get knocked off the net if somebody calls in or if I call out? How does that work, in simple terms please! Thanks Britta P  Dear Britta It's perfectly safe to do that. The phone and the DSL share the wire, but they use different frequencies. An analogy would be a glass fiber or rod that passes light through it. A beam of red light would carry the phone stuff, and a beam of blue light would carry the Internet stuff. At each end is a crystal prism that splits the light into the different colors of the rainbow. The phone only sees the red and reddish colors, and the DSL modem only sees the blue and bluish colors. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's color band. Exactly the same happens with your phone cable. Neither the phone nor the DSL modem see or are aware of what goes on in the other device's frequency band. Have FUN! DearWebby    "The answer to this last question will determine whether you are drunk or not. Was Mickey Mouse a cat or dog?" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tea Bags for Smelly Shoes By jhenton.102 [5 Posts] If you ever have a pair of shoes that don't smell very good then I have an easy solution for you! Just take some tea bags and place them in your shoes while not in use, in a day or two your shoes won't have any bad smell!   

Vet and son rescue 10 point buck

When Little Johnny's family moved into their new house, a visiting relative asked him how he liked the new place. "It's great!" he said. "I have my own room, Billy has his own room, and Jenny has her own room. But poor Dad is still stuck with Mom." ___________________________________________________

The man who photographs ocean waves.

Magdalena spent some months serving God in Kenya. On her final visit to a remote township Magdalena attended a medical clinic. As the Maasai women there began to sing together, Magdalena was deeply moved by their hauntingly beautiful harmonies and wanted to always remember this moment and recorded it to share it with friends after getting home. With tears flowing down the cheeks, Magdalena turned to a local and asked, "Can you please tell me the translation of the words to this song?" The local looked at Magdalena and solemnly replied, "If you boil the water, you won't get the shits."

Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.

After a hardy Arkansas rainstorm filled all the potholes in the back alley, a young mother watched her two little boys playing in a water puddle through her kitchen window. The older of the two, a five year old lad, grabbed his sibling by the back of the head and shoved his face into the water hole. As the younger boy recovered and stood laughing and dripping, the mother ran to the back yard in a panic."Why on Earth did you do that to your little brother?"she inquired as she shook the older boy in anger. "We were just playing 'church,' Mommy" He said. "I was baptizing him like the preacher did in church last Sunday. I said, "I now baptize you in the name of the father, the son, and in-the-hole-he-goes!"

 Today, on May 17 1540 Afghan chief Sher Khan defeated Mongul Emperor Humayun at Kanauj. 1630 Italian Jesuit Niccolo Zucchi saw the belts on Jupiter's surface. 1681 Louis XIV sent an expedition to aid James II in Ireland. As a result, England declares war on France. 1756 Britain declared war on France, beginning the French and Indian War. 1792 The New York Stock Exchange was founded at 70 Wall Street by 24 brokers. 1814 Denmark ceded Norway to Sweden. Norway's constitution, which provided a limited monarchy, was signed. 1875 The first Kentucky Derby was run at Louisville, KY. 1877 The first telephone switchboard burglar alarm was installed by Edwin T. Holmes. 1926 The U.S. Embassy in Buenos Aires was damaged by bombs that were believed set by sympathizers of Sacco and Vanzetti. 1932 The U.S. Congress changed the name "Porto Rico" to "Puerto Rico." 1939 The first fashion to be shown on television was broadcast in New York from the Ritz-Carleton Hotel. 1940 Germany occupied Brussels, Belgium and began the invasion of France. 1946 U.S. President Truman seized control of the nation's railroads, delaying a threatened strike by engineers and trainmen. 1948 The Soviet Union recognized the new state of Israel. 1954 The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled for school integration in Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka. The ruling declared that racially segregated schools were inherently unequal. 1956 The first synthetic mica (synthamica) was offered for sale in Caldwell Township, NJ. 1975 NBC TV bought the rights to show "Gone With the Wind." The one time rights cost NBC $5,000,000. 1980 Rioting erupted in Miami's Liberty City neighborhood after an all-white jury in Tampa acquitted four former Miami police officers of fatally beating black insurance executive Arthur McDuffie. Eight people were killed in the rioting. 1985 Bobby Ewing died on the season finale of "Dallas" on CBS-TV. He returned the following season. 1987 An Iraqi warplane attacked the U.S. Navy frigate Stark in the Persian Gulf, killing 37 American sailors. Iraq and the United States called the attack a mistake. 1996 U.S. President Clinton signed a measure requiring neighborhood notification when sex offenders move in. Megan's Law was named for 7-year-old Megan Kanka, who was raped and killed in 1994. 1997 Rebel leader Kabila declared himself president of the Democratic Republic of the Congo, formerly Zaire. 1999 Eric Ford, a tabloid photographer, was sentenced to 6 months at a halfway house, 3 years probation and 150 hours of community service. The sentence stemmed from a charge that Ford had eavesdropped on a call between Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman and then sold a recording of the conversation. 2000 Austria, the U.S. and six other countries agreed on the broad outline of a plan that would compensate Nazi-Era forced labor. 2002 Legoland Deutschland opened in Gnzburg, Germany. 2006 The U.S. aircraft carrier Oriskany was sunk about 24 miles off Pensacola Beach. It was the first vessel sunk under a Navy program to dispose of old warships by turning them into diving attractions. It was the largest man-made reef at the time of the sinking. 2007 Trains crossed the border dividing North and South Korea for the first time since 1953. 2017 Do smiled.

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