Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 12 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Waterford man gets 50 years in prison for making child porn, blackmailing children ___________________________________________________ On April 12 in 1984, Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the first satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max satellite to space. __________________________________________________ There are more fools in the world than there are people. --- Heinrich Heine (1797 - 1856) "We judge of man's wisdom by his hope." --- Ralph Waldo Emerson "We live by admiration, hope and love." --- William Wordsworth "An optimist may see a light where there is none, but why must the pessimist always run to blow it out?" --- Michel De Saint-Pierre ____________________________________________________ Abe's son arrived home from school puffing and panting, sweat rolling down his face. "Dad, you'll be so proud of me," he panted, "I saved a dollar by running behind the bus all the way home!" "Oy Vey!" said Abe, "You could have run behind a taxi and saved $20.00!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Two nuns went out of the convent to sell cookies. One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM) and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It was getting dark and they were still far away from the convent. SL: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past half-hour? SM: Yes, I wonder what he wants. SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us. SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most. What can we do? SL: The only logical thing to do of course is that we have to start walking faster. SM: It isn't working. SL: Of course it isn't working. The man did the only obvious thing to do. He started to walk faster too. SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute. SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow both of us. Sister Mathematical arrived at the convent safely and was worried because Sister Logical had not yet arrived. Finally, Sister Logical reached the convent. SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened! SL: The only logical thing happened. The man could not follow both of us, so he followed me. SM: So, what happened? SL: The only logical thing to happen. I started to run as fast as I could. SM: So what happened? SL: The only logical thing to happen. The man also started to run as fast as he could. SM: And what else? SL: The only logical thing to happen. He reached me. SM: Oh, no! What did you do then? SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up. SM: Oh my, Sister. What did the man do? SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants. SM: Oh, no! What happened then? SL: Isn't it logical, Sister? A nun with her dress up can run a LOT faster than a man with his pants down. ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ If GH can stand for P as in Hiccough If OUGH stands for O as in Dough If PHTH stands for T as in Phthisis If EIGH stands for A as in Neighbor If TTE stands for T as in Gazette If EAU stands for O as in Plateau Then the right way to spell POTATO should be: GHOUGHPHTHEIGHTTEEAU ____________________________________________________ Two die-hard golfers saw some kids fishing at the lake. One said to the other, "Look at those idiots fishing in the rain!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Jostin Desco, 28, Waterford, Michigan, USA Waterford man gets 50 years in prison for making child porn, blackmailing children A 28-year-old man from Waterford, Michigan, will spend the next 50 years of his life in a federal prison after pleading guilty to making child pornography. Jostin Desco was sentenced in a U.S. District Court this week to 50 years in a federal prison after admitting to making child porn and committing a crime against a child while being a registered sex offender. According to court records, Desco sexually exploited at least ten different children in different ways. United States Attorney Dawn N. Ison detailed some of the offenses that Desco admitted to doing. One of which was the sexual assault of a 7-year-old boy who he "knew well", according to Ison. Desco recorded the abuse and then shared it others on the dark web, Ison said. Additionally, Desco used a fake persona to convince multiple teenage boys to make sexually explicit images and videos of themselves and then send to him. Once he had the videos or images, he would then blackmail the victims into making more child porn for him. He then took it even further, Ison said, by trying to extort the children further by attempting to get them to commit sex acts on their siblings. Desco was a member of multiple groups on the dark and open web that traded child pornography. Some of the communication between Desco and members was recovered, including a series of messages where Desco said "Yes I am sick and yes I am a monster." Desco was a member of multiple groups on the dark and open web that traded child pornography. Some of the communication between Desco and members was recovered, including a series of messages where Desco said "Yes I am sick and yes I am a monster." According to Ison, Desco committed the crimes while being on parole for a previous offense of distributing child pornography and was a registered sex offender. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Brit Re: 400 Request Header Or Cookie Too Large Dear Webby This is a problem that irks me almost more than Biden. What is that 400 Request Header Or Cookie Too Large error on Chrome all about? It pops up at all the news sites I visit. Schdooopid Bastids! Brit Dear Brit It is not your fault. It is just gross incompetence at Google and a few other places, like sites ramming ridiculously large cookies and subject lines down your throat. Coming up with a shorter subject line would require thinking, and that would require brains, ya know. Just click on the 3 little dots in the top right corner, Settings Privacy Clear browsing Data Clear history, cookies, cache, etc. Then you can trim the sites, that overloaded the cache. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! __________________________________________ Just after the maid had been fired, she took some steaks from the fridge and threw them to Fido, the family dog with the words: "Thanks, Fido. I never forget a friend. This was for doing the dishes for me every day!" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A policeman was patrolling a local parking spot overlooking a golf course. He drove by a car and saw a couple inside with the dome light on. There was a young man in the driver's seat reading a computer magazine and a young lady in the back seat knitting. He stopped to investigate. He walked up to the driver's window and knocked. The young man looked up, cranked the window down, and said, "Yes, officer?" "What are you doing?" the policeman asked. "I'm reading a magazine." Pointing towards the young lady in the back seat, the officer then asked, "And what is she doing?" "She's knitting." "And how old are you?" the officer then asked the young man. "I'm nineteen," he replied. "And how old is she?" asked the officer. The young man looked at his watch and said, "Well, in about twelve minutes she'll be eighteen." ______________________________________________ Jake and Paul are two old retired widowers who reside close to each other and do constant welfare checks on each other. One day, as he drinks his morning coffee, Paul opens the morning paper and turns to the Obits page. He gets the shock of his life when he sees his own obituary in the column. He realizes that the query for info on him by the local newspaper several months earlier was in preparation for this event. He correctly surmises that it is a mistaken entry from their database, premature and erroneous. It still excites and rankles him, so he calls Jake up. "Jake, are you up yet?" Jake sleepily answers, "Yeah, but I'm only now starting my coffee." "Jake. open the newspaper to page 31." The paper rustles for a few seconds, then a long silent pause ensues. Finally, Jake comes on the line quietly and fearfully, "So Paul, where are you calling me from right now?" ______________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Where is THAT hospital ? While making her rounds, the Head Nurse noticed a young female patient missing. Pressing the intercom, she said "Lori, where's the patient in 340?" "Oh!" came the reply. "Well... she was complaining of severe chills, so I put her in bed with Mr. Johnson in 328 who was running a high fever." ___________________________________________________ | Today, April 12, in 1096, Peter the Hermit gathered his army in Cologne. 1204, The Fourth Crusade sacked Constantinople. 1606, England adopted the original Union Jack as its flag. 1770, The British Parliament repealed the Townsend Acts. 1782, The British navy won its only naval engagement against the colonists in the American Revolution at the Battle of Saints, off Dominica. 1799, Phineas Pratt patented the comb cutting machine. 1833, Charles Gaylor patented the fireproof safe. 1861, Fort Sumter was shelled by Confederacy, starting America's Civil War. 1864, Confederate (Democrat) Gen. Nathan Bedford Forrest captured Fort Pillow, in Tennessee and slaughters the black Union troops there. 1877, A catcher's mask was used in a baseball game for the first time by James Alexander Tyng. 1892, Voters in Lockport, New York, became the first in the U.S. to use voting machines. 1905, The Hippodrome opened in New York City. 1911, Pierre Prier completed the first non-stop London- Paris flight in three hours and 56 minutes. 1916, American cavalrymen and Mexican bandit troops clashed at Parrel, Mexico. 1927, The British Cabinet came out in favor of women voting rights. 1934, F. Scott Fitzgerald novel "Tender Is the Night" was first published. 1938, The first U.S. law requiring a medical test for a marriage license was enacted in New York. 1944, The U.S. Twentieth Air Force was activated to begin the strategic bombing of Japan. 1945, In New York, the organization of the first eye bank, the Eye Bank for Sight Restoration, was announced. 1945, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt died in Warm Spring, GA. He died of a cerebral hemorrhage at the age of 63. Harry S Truman became president. 1955, The University of Michigan Polio Vaccine Evaluation Center announced that the polio vaccine of Dr. Jonas Salk was "safe, effective and potent." 1961, Soviet Yuri Alexeyevich Gagarin became first man to orbit the Earth. 1963, Police used dogs and cattle prods on peaceful civil rights demonstrators in Birmingham, AL. 1981, The space shuttle Columbia blasted off from Cape Canaveral, FL, on its first test flight. 1982, The British Navy began enforcing a blockade around the Falkland Islands. 1982, Three CBS employees were shot to death in a New York City parking lot. 1983, Harold Washington was elected the first black mayor of Chicago. 1984, Astronauts aboard the space shuttle Challenger made the first satellite repair in orbit by returning the Solar Max satellite to space. 1984, Israeli troops stormed a bus that had been hijacked the previous evening by four Arab terrorists. All the passengers were rescued and 2 of the hijackers were killed. 1985, U.S. Senator Jake Garn of Utah became the first senator to fly in space as the shuttle Discovery lifted off from Cape Canaveral, FL. 1985, In Spain, an explosion in a restaurant near a U.S. base killed 17 people. 1985, Federal inspectors declared that four animals of the Ringling Brothers and Barnum & Bailey Circus were not unicorns. They were goats with horns that had been surgically implanted. 1987, Texaco filed Chapter 11 bankruptcy after it failed to settle a legal dispute with Pennzoil Co. 1988, Harvard University won a patent for a genetically altered mouse. It was the first patent for a life form. 1988, The Chinese government named a new array of younger leaders to ensure economic reform. 1989, In the U.S.S.R, ration cards were issued for the first time since World War II. The ration was prompted by a sugar shortage. 1992, Disneyland Paris opened in Marne-La-Vallee, France. 1993, NATO began enforcing a no-fly zone over Bosnia and Herzegovina. 2000, More than 1,500 anti-drug agents raided four cities in Colombia and arrested 46 members of the "most powerful" heroin ring. 2000, Robert Cleaves, 71, was convicted of second degree murder and was sentenced to 16 years in prison. Cleaves had repeatedly run over Arnold Guerreiro on September 30, 1998 with his car after the two had an argument. 2000, Israel's High Court ordered the release of eight Lebanese detainees that had been held for years without a trial. 2002, A first edition version of Beatrix Potter's "Peter Rabbit" sold for $64,780 at Sotheby's. A signed first edition of J.R.R. Tolkien's "The Hobbit" sold for $66,630. A copy of "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone," signed by J.K. Rowling sold for $16,660. A 250-piece collection of rare works by Charles Dickens sold for $512,650. 2002, It was announced that the South African version of "Sesame Street" would be introducing a character that was HIV-positive. 2002, JCPenney Chairman Allen Questrom rang the opening bell to start the business day at the New York Stock Exchange as part of the company's centennial celebrations. James Cash (J.C.) Penney opened his first retail store on April 14, 1902. 2012, The game Candy Crush Saga was released on Facebook. 2022 Do smiled. |
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