Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, April 13 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Delray Beach Womans Bumping Leads To Battery On Senior Charge  ___________________________________________________ Today, April 13 in 1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. ____________________________________________________ We are always more anxious to be distinguished for a talent which we do not possess, than to be praised for the fifteen which we do possess. --- Mark Twain (1835 - 1910) The average person thinks he isn't. --- Father Larry Lorenzoni The incompetent with nothing to do can still make a mess of it. --- Laurence J. Peter (1919 - 1988) ____________________________________________________ The fireman had rushed into a burning building and rescued a beautiful young lady who was clad only in the top half of her baby-doll nightgown. He carried her in his arms down three flights of stairs and four blocks all the way to his car behind the fire hall. As they arrived there, she looked at him with great admiration and said, "Oh, you are wonderful. It must have taken great strength and courage to rescue me the way you did." "Yes it did," the fireman admitted. "I had to fight off three other firemen who were trying to get to you before me." ____________________________________________________ Blue-haired old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, "You're next!" They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals. ____________________________________________________   ____________________________________________________ There was a major sale at Victoria's Secret and Thorn wanted to get his wife some really sexy lingerie. The store was packed with women for this big sale and before he knew it, Thorn was pushed and shoved by frantic women all trying to get at the merchandise. Thorn remained calm for as long as he could, then bowed his head and pushed hard and effectively, and plowed through the crowd of women. I can just see him. When I worked with Thorn, he was a model of patience, up to a point. After that it was a lot safer to be out of tool throwing range. "Hey you!", an angry female voice yelled out at him, "Try acting like a gentleman!". "That's what I HAVE BEEN doing," Thorn retorted, "But since that doesn't work in this zoo, I'm gonna try to act like you wimin!" ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Karen Holbrook, Delray Beach, Florida, USA  Delray Beach Womans Bumping Leads To Battery On Senior Charge  Delray Beach resident Karen Neicy Holbrook is facing a charge of battery on someone 65 years of age or older after a bizarre incident on NE 5th Avenue. According to several witnesses, Holbrook was bumping into people on the sidewalk, and eventually hit a 71 year old woman, knocking her to the ground. The woman stood up, tried to walk away, but was blocked by Holbrook. As witnesses rushed to help the woman, Holbrook allegedly left the scene, entering an apartment in the area of 10 NE 5th Avenue. Delray Beach Police responded to the scene. The victim was checked out but apparently refused to be taken to the hospital. Police then located Karen Holbrook and charged her with battery on a senior citizen. According to police, she was uncooperative. Holbrook was booked into the Palm Beach County Jail on Thursday. She was released nearly 24 hours later on $1,000 bond.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Moe Re: Ad blocker  Dear Webby but if it is like cookies that upset some sites, i just go find another source for same article. one that has no anti ad blocker software. usually works. Moe  Dear Moe Right. There is a revolution brewing with the ads. Some people noticed that an ad brings in some money, so they got greedy and plastered too many ads on their site, and slowed it down to an unacceptable lack of speed. That is why more and more people, including me, installed ad blockers. Ideally, I would find an ad blocker that only activates if there is more than one ad on a page or if the ads take more than 2 seconds to load. I will gladly tolerate one ad, but not a herd of them. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 There was a man and a woman in a parked car at a drive in movie. They were getting quite cozy in the back-seat of a small sports car when the man suddenly slipped a disk in his back. He was stuck and couldn't move at all, and neither could she. She was pinned beneath her 250 pound lover. They were desperate to get out so she managed to reach over the front seat with her leg and honk the horn. A big crowd gathered, all enjoying the free show. Some women volunteers served them coffee through the window while others worked to free them. Finally firemen cut away the top of the car. The 250 pound man was lifted out and the woman, sobbing was helped out of the car, too. The ambulance driver tried to calm her down telling her the man would be fine, but she was so upset. She said she was worried about how she was going to explain to her husband what happened to his company car! 
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 A teenaged boy with spiked hair, nose ring, and baggy clothes says to his friend,"I don't really like to dress like this, but it keeps my parents from making me go visit aunt Helen with them." ____________________________________________ While on a car trip, an elderly couple stopped at a roadside restaurant for lunch. After finishing their meal, the man left his hat on the bench, but didn't miss it until they were back on the freeway. By then, they had to travel quite a distance before they could find a place to turn around. The woman fussed and complained all the way back to the restaurant, that they would be late getting to their destination, etc. She called her husband every bad name she could think of. When they finally arrived at the restaurant, as the man got out of the car to retrieve his hat, the woman yelled to him, "While you're in there, you might as well get my purse, too." ____________________________________________ David and an Italian and an Irishman, all first time fathers, are pacing nervously in a maternity ward waiting room when a nurse rushes out of the delivery room holding up a newborn black baby. "Yours?" she asked the Italian man, who immediately curses her out in Italian and says "No! notta my kid!" "Yours?" The nurse asks the Irishman, who answers "It blodie will betta not be!" "OK, then it must be yours", she informs David, who sheepishly looks at the ground and mumbles "It must be, my wife burns everything! ____________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today, April 13 in 1598 King Henry IV of France signed the Edict of Nantes which granted political rights to French Protestant Huguenots. 1759 The French defeated the European allies in Battle of Bergen. 1775 Lord North extended the New England Restraining Act to South, Carolina, Virginia, Pennsylvania, New Jersey and Maryland. The act prohibited trade with any country other than Britain and Ireland. 1782 Washington, NC, was incorporated as the first town to be named for George Washington. 1808 William "Juda" Henry Lane perfected the tap dance. 1829 The English Parliament granted freedom of religion to Catholics. 1849 The Hungarian Republic was proclaimed. 1860 The first mail was delivered via Pony Express when a westbound rider arrived in Sacremento, CA from St. Joseph, MO. 1861 After 34 hours of bombardment, the Union-held Fort Sumter surrenders to Confederates. 1916 The first hybrid, seed corn was purchased for 15-cents a bushel by Samuel Ramsay. 1933 The first flight over Mount Everest was completed by Lord Clydesdale. 1941 German troops captured Belgrade, Yugoslavia. 1945 Vienna fell to Soviet troops. 1949 Philip S. Hench and associates announced that cortizone was an effective treatment for rheumatoid arthritis. 1959 A Vatican edict prohibited Roman Catholics from voting for Communists. 1960 The first navigational satellite was launched into Earth's orbit. 1961 The U.N. General Assembly condemned South Africa due to apartheid. 1962 In the U.S., major steel companies rescinded announced price increases. The John F. Kennedy administration had been applying pressure against the price increases. 1970 An oxygen tank exploded on Apollo 13, preventing a planned moon landing. 1979 The world's longest doubles ping-pong match ended after 101 hours. 1984 U.S. President Reagan sent emergency military aid to El Salvador without congressional approval. 1984 Christopher Walker was killed in a fight with police in New Hampshire. Walker was wanted as a suspect in the kidnappings of 11 young women in several states. 1990 The Soviet Union accepted responsibility for the World War II murders of thousands of imprisoned Polish officers in the Katyn Forest. The Soviets had previously blamed the massacre on the Nazis. 1998 NationsBank and BankAmerica announced a $62.5 billion merger, creating the country's first coast-to-coast bank. 1998 Dolly, the world's first cloned sheep, gave natural birth to a healthy baby lamb. 1999 Jack Kervorkian was sentenced in Pontiac, MI, to 10 to 25 years in prison for the second-degree murder of Thomas Youk. Youk's assisted suicide was videotaped and shown on "60 Minutes" in 1998. 2000 Richard Gordon was charged with trying to extort $250,000 from Louie Anderson in exchange for not telling the tabloid media about Anderson once asking him for sex. Gordon was held without bail pending a court hearing. 2000 It was announced that 69 people had died when the Arlahada, a Philippine ferry, capsized. 70 people were rescued. 2002 Twenty-five Hindus were killed and about 30 were wounded when grenades were thrown by suspected Islamic guerrillas near Jammu-Kashir. 2002 Venezuela's interim president, Pedro Carmona, resigned a day after taking office. Thousands of protesters had supported over the ousting of president Hugo Chavez. 2007 Google announced that it had acquired the advertising service company DoubleClick for $3.1 billion. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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