Good Morning, ! Today is Monday, July 24 ____________________________________________________ History: today, July 24 in 1987, Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japans highest peak. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Man convicted of raping 15 year-old 35 years ago ___________________________________________________ Q We may not imagine how our lives could be more frustrating and complex--but Congress can. --- Cullen Hightower Fanaticism consists in redoubling your effort when you have forgotten your aim. --- George Santayana (1863 - 1952) Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought-- particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) He who praises you for what you lack wishes to take from you what you have. --- Don Juan Manuel (1282 - 1349) ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Officers were being lectured about a new computer. The instructor said the computer was able to withstand nuclear and chemical attacks. Then he hollered, "There will be no eating or drinking in my class! Get rid of that coffee!" Joe inquired meekly "Sure, but why?" "Because a coffee spill will wreck the Keyboard". ___________________________________________________ A careful study of economics reveals that the best time to buy anything was last year. ___________________________________________________ That reminds me.... Greg complains to a friend, "I can't take it anymore." "What's wrong?" his concerned friend asks. "It's Keli. Every time we have an argument, she gets historical!" "You mean hysterical," his friend said, chuckling. "No, I mean HISTORICAL," Greg insists. "Every argument we have, she'll go "But I still remember that time five years ago when you said...." ___________________________________________________ t1tShponsroreud Myrio kohyo (yellow) flowering ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The wife chewed out her husband at the company picnic a while back. "Doesn't it embarrass you that people have seen you go up to the buffet table five times?" "Not a bit," the husband replied. "I just tell them I'm filling up the plate just for you!" ____________________________________________________ Miss Figpot was giving a lesson to her first grade class. "If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?" She asked Little Johnny jumped up and announced to the class, "VERY big hands!" ____________________________________________________ >From Mona "I am very much annoyed to find you have branded my boy as illiterate. This is a dirty lie. I was married to his father a week before he was born." ____________________________________________________ A Border Patrol Agent catches a guy that just might be an illegal alien. However he begs and pleads and asks for a chance to stay. The BPA decides to give him a chance and says: "Ok, I'll let you stay if you can use three English words in a sentence". Of course, the man agrees to this. The BPA tells him, "The 3 words are: Green, Pink and Yellow. Now use them in one sentence." The guy thinks really hard for about two minutes, then says, "Hmmm, Ok...... The phone, it went Green, Green, Green, I Pink it up and sez Yellow?" ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ A college professor asked his class a question. "If Philadelphia is 100 miles from New York and Chicago is 1000 miles from Philadelphia and Los Angles is 2000 miles from Chicago, how old am I?" One student in the back of the class raised his hand and when called upon said "Professor you're 44." The Professor said "You're absolutely correct, but tell me, how did you arrive at the answer so quickly?" The student said. "You see professor, I have a brother; he's 22, and he's half nuts." __________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Moe Re: Ad blocker Dear Webby but if it is like cookies that upset some sites, i just go find another source for same article. one that has no anti ad blocker software. usually works. Moe Dear Moe Right. There is a revolution brewing with the ads. Some people noticed that an ad brings in some money, so they got greedy and plastered too many ads on their site, and slowed it down to an unacceptable lack of speed. That is why more and more people, including me, installed ad blockers. Ideally, I would find an ad blocker that only activates if there is more than one ad on a page or if the ads take more than 2 seconds to load. I will gladly tolerate one ad, but not a herd of them. Have FUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ One morning, after her husband had gone to work, his wife decided to have a leisurely bath. She undressed and then remembered that the gas was still on in the kitchen. Wrapped in a towel, she went downstairs. She was about to turn off the gas when she heard footsteps. She assumed that it was the milkman since the arrangement was for him to deliver the milk to the kitchen. So she ran to the nearest door, the broom cupboard and made it just in time. The footsteps grew louder. The door was opened. It was the man from the Gas Company who had called to read the meter. For a moment she was speechless. Then she said, "Sorry, I was expecting the milkman." ____________________________________________ Being miserable because of a bad or former relationship just proves that the other person was right about you. ________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock Patrick Simms, 58, London, England Man convicted of raping 15 year-old he befriended at Hackney sports centre 35 years ago A rapist already serving time in jail has been convicted of attacking a teenage girl in east London 35 years ago. Patrick Simms, 58, was found guilty of one count of raping a person under 16 at Wood Green Crown Court on Thursday after a 14-day trial. Simms. who was already serving a life sentence for three rapes he committed in Hackney in 1993 and 1999, was sentenced to an extra nine years. The court heard that in 2019, the new victim came to police to report a rape that had taken place in 1987, when she was just 15 years old. Detective Sergeant Matthew Cooksey, who led the investigation, said: Simms is a prolific offender and we are glad that he has now been brought to justice for this offence. Throughout the trial he has tried his hardest to derail it and manipulate the jury. I am glad that they have seen through these attempts and unanimously convicted him. I want to thank the victim for coming forward and providing the crucial evidence needed to convict him. We hope this shows we will always take reports of this nature seriously, no matter how much time has passed. We would urge any others who have been subjected to these types of offences to come forward and speak to us. The victim told officers that she met Simms, who was then 22, at a leisure centre in Hackney. They began chatting and he offered her a lift, which she accepted. He then took her back to his address on the Holly Street Estate in Hackney where he raped her. DS Cooksey said the victim did not report the crime as she thought she wouldnt be believed and that it was shameful for her and her family. A fter counselling she came forward in 2019 and made a report. The victim was able to provide officers with Simms name and she positively identify him as her attacker. ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny walked up to the front of he class and, with a piece of chalk, made a small white dot on the blackboard, then sat back down. Well,the teacher couldn't figure out what Johnny had in mind, so she asked him just what that was. "It's a period," reported Johnny. "Well, I can see that," she said, "but what is so exciting about a period?" "I don't know", said Johnny, "but, this morning, my sister said she missed one. Then Dad had a heart attack, Mom fainted, the man next door shot himself, and Father Hibbard from the church across the street left for a mission in Africa without even saying Good Bye." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ When Joe put both feet in his mouth at the same time, he didn't have a leg to stand on. ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ A man observed a sign in the window of a restaurant that read "Unique Breakfast" so he walked in and sat down. The waitress brought him his coffee and asked him what he wanted. "What's your Unique Breakfast?" he asked inquisitively. "Baked tongue of chicken!" she proudly replied. "Baked tongue of chicken?... baked tongue of chicken! Do you have any idea how disgusting that is? I would never even consider eating anything that came out of a chicken's mouth!" he fumed. Undaunted, the waitress asked, "What would you like then?" "Just bring me some scrambled eggs," the man replied. ___________________________________________________ Georgina likes sitting in the park feeding the pigeons. One day she brought half a loaf of bread that had gone a bit moldy to feed her daily company. Little by little, pinch by pinch, she fed each pigeon with joy. She sat there without being noticed by anyone. Then suddenly a woman rained on her parade by telling her that she shouldn't throw away good food on a bunch of pigeons that can find food anywhere, when there are a lot of people starving in Africa. After staring at her for a few seconds, she handed her the last chunk of bread and said: "Since you are so full of hot air and good advice, I'll let you take this to Africa" __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work, please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it! Please, help me stay online! __________________________________________________ History Today July 24, in 1847, Mormon leader Brigham Young and his followers arrived in the valley of the Great Salt Lake in present-day Utah. 1847, Richard M. Hoe patented the rotary-type printing press. 1849, Georgetown University in Washington, DC, presented its first Doctor of Music Degree. It was given to Professor Henry Dielman. 1866, Tennessee became the first state to be readmitted to the Union after the U.S. Civil War. 1923, The Treaty of Lausanne, which settled the boundaries of modern Turkey, was concluded in Switzerland. 1929, U.S. President Hoover proclaimed the Kellogg-Briand Pact, which renounced war as an instrument of foreign policy. 1933, The first broadcast of "The Romance of Helen Trent" was heard on radio. 7,222 episodes were aired. 1933, U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt gave his fourth "Fireside Chat." 1948, Soviet occupation forces in Germany blockaded West Berlin. The U.S.-British airlift began the following day. 1969, The Apollo 11 astronauts splashed down safely in the Pacific Ocean. 1974, The U.S. Supreme Court unanimously ruled that President Nixon had to turn over subpoenaed White House tape recordings to the Watergate special prosecutor. 1978, Billy Martin was fired for the first of three times as the manager of the New York Yankees baseball team. 1985, Walt Disney released their 25th full-length cartoon. The work was "The Black Cauldron." 1987, Hulda Crooks, at 91 years of age, climbed Mt. Fuji. Hulda became the oldest person to climb Japans highest peak. 2023, Do smiled.
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