Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, December 7 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Inmate with skull-face tattoo escaped California work crew  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, December 7 in 1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The Electrolux Servel Corporation. Many of them still work today! Their only moving part is the door. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ If all the world's a stage, I want to operate the trap door. --- Paul Beatty ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The case concerned a will and Kelly was a witness. "Was the deceased," asked the attorney, "In the habit of talking to himself when he was alone?" "I don't know," said the Irishman. "Come now man, you don't know and yet you pretend you were intimately acquainted with the deceased?" "Well, Mr. Lawyer," said Kelly, "I never happened to be with him when he was alone. " _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ From Beat Working as a cargo handler for a major package delivery company, I came across an express envelope with shipping instructions that puzzled me, particularly the line describing the contents. I finally realized the parcel contained some kind of manual and was addressed to a church. But at first I thought I was processing one of our company's most momentous pieces of freight. The description read, "Instructions for the Assembly of God." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Bill for this story: Our mom needed a new mattress for her antique bed, so my brother, Josh, and I decided to buy her one as a gift. The problem was we weren't sure what to get, because it was an odd size. Fortunately, my brother happened to be visiting my mother one day when I called home. "Measure the bed frame before you leave," I told him. "I don't have a tape measure." "You can use a dollar bill," I suggested, "each one is six inches long." "Can't," he replied after digging through his wallet, "I only have a ten." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Corey Hughes, 27 Stockton, California  Inmate with skull-face tattoo escaped California work crew  California authorities launched a dragnet Monday for an inmate with a distinctive skull-face tattoo who vanished from a work crew. Corey Hughes, 27, was reported missing about 1:30 p.m. Monday and was last seen on Interstate 5, the San Joaquin County Sheriff's office said. His mugshot showed he had a skull tattoo on his face. Hughes was serving a sentence for a weapons charge and was being housed in the Honor Farm. He was expected to be released next February. The Honor Farm, located south of Stockton, is a minimum- security facility that houses pretrial or sentence inmates that are usually low-risk and classified as non-violent, KCBS reported.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Fran Re: Portable Hard Drive Dear Webby, How difficult is it to connect a portable hard drive to a computer? And how do you do it? Fran  Dear Fran Not difficult at all. You plug it into a USB port, Windows recognizes it as a new device the first time you do it. If necessary Windows offers to install a driver for it. After that, it simply shows as an additional hard drive. Have FUN! DearWebby   Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft.  Grampa's Wisdom - Don't name a pig you plan to eat - Country fences need to be horse high, pig tight and bull strong. - Life is not about how fast you run, or how high you climb, but how well you bounce. - Life is simpler when you plow around the stumps. - Mortgaging a future crop is saddling a wobbly colt. - A bumble bee is faster than a John Deere tractor. - Trouble with a milk cow is she won't stay milked. - Don't skinny dip with snapping turtles. - Words that soak into your ears are whispered, not yelled. - Meanness don't happen overnight. - To know how country folks are doing, look at their barns, not their houses. - Never lay an angry hand on a kid or an animal, it just ain't helpful. - Forgive your enemies. It messes with their heads. - Don't sell your mule to buy a plow. - Two can live as cheap as one if one don't eat. - You can't unsay a cruel thing. - Don't corner something meaner than you. - Man is the only critter who feels the need to label things as flowers or weeds. - It don't take a very big person to carry a grudge. - Don't go huntin' with a fellow named Chug-A-Lug. - Every path has some puddles. - When you wallow with pigs, expect to get dirty. - The best sermons are lived, not preached. - Most of the stuff people worry about happening, don't. - Lazy and Quarrelsome are ugly sisters. 
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 A college senior took his new girlfriend to a football game. The young couple found seats in the crowded stadium and was watching the action. A substitute was put into the game, and as he was running onto the field to take his position, the boy said to his girlfriend, "Take a good look at the fellow. I expect him to be our best man next year." His girlfriend snuggled closer and said to the surprised young man, "That's the strangest way I ever heard of for a fellow to propose to a girl. Regardless of how you said it, I accept!" ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Kitchen Time Saver - Juice Concentrate Use a potato masher to break up frozen juice concentrate. It will dissolve much faster when broken up. You can also put the juice concentrate along with the required water into a blender to quickly mix it together. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com font> ____________________________________________________  At the end of the college year, a star football player celebrated the relaxation of team curfew by attending a late night campus party. Soon after arriving, he became captivated by a beautiful young lady and eased into a conversation with her by asking if she met many dates at parties. "Oh, I have a 3.9, so I'm much more attracted to the strong academic types than to dumb party animals," she said. "What's your G.P.A.?" Grinning from ear to ear, the jock boasted, "I get about 27 in the city and 38 on the highway."  
 
Where to hide from zombies.. 
 Daffinitions: Some wacky definitions. SALESMAN -- man with ability to convince wife she'd look fat in mink. CANNIBAL -- person who likes to see other people stewed. EGOCENTRIC -- a person who believes he is everything you know you are. MAGAZINE -- bunch of printed pages that tell you what's coming in the next issue. COLLEGE: The four-year period when parents are permitted access to the telephone. EMERGENCY NUMBERS: Police station, fire department and places that deliver. OPERA: When a guy gets stabbed in the back and instead of bleeding he sings for half an hour. BUFFET: A French word that means "Get up and get it yourself." BABY-SITTER: A teen-ager who must behave like an adult so that the adults who are out can behave like teen-agers. TRAFFIC LIGHT -- apparatus that automatically turns red when your car approaches. PIONEER -- early American who was lucky enough to find his way out of the woods. PEOPLE -- some make things happen, some watch things happen, and the majority have no idea what's happened. SELF-CONTROL -- the ability to eat only one peanut. TATTOO: Permanent proof of temporary insanity. ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, December 7, in 1431 In Paris, Henry VI of England was crowned King of France. 1732 The original Covent Garden Theatre Royal (now the Royal Opera House) was opened. 1787 Delaware became the first state to ratify the U.S. constitution becoming the first of the United States. 1889 The first of 554 performances of "The Gondoliers" took place. 1925 Swimmer Johnny Weissmuller set a world record in the 150-yard freestyle with a time of 1 minute, 25 and 2/5 seconds. He went on to play "Tarzan" in several movies. 1926 The gas operated refrigerator was patented by The Electrolux Servel Corporation. Many of them still work today! Their only moving part is the door. 1941 Pearl Harbor, located on the Hawaiian island of Oahu was attacked by nearly 200 Japanese warplanes. The attack resulted in Canada declaring war on Japan, followed a day later by the U.S. also entering into World War II. 1946 A fire at the Winecoff Hotel in Atlanta killed 119 people. It was America's worst hotel fire disaster. The hotel founder, W. Frank Winecoff, was also killed in the fire. 1971 Libya announced the nationalization of British Petroleum's assets. 1972 Apollo 17 was launched at Cape Canaveral. It was the last U.S. moon mission. 1972 Imelda Marcos, wife of Philippine President Ferdinand E. Marcos, was stabbed and seriously wounded by an assailant. The man was then shot and killed by her bodyguards. 1974 President Makarios returned to Cyprus after five months in exile. 1980 General Antonio Ramlho Eanes was reelected president of Portugal. His right-wing opposition was thrown into disarray by the death of Premier Francisco Sa Carneiro in a plane crash. 1982 Charlie Brooks Junior, a convicted murderer, became the first prisoner in the U.S. to be executed by injection, at a prison in Huntsville, TX. 1983 Madrid, Spain, an Aviaco DC-9 collided on a runway with an Iberia Air Lines Boeing 727 that was accelerating for takeoff. The collision resulted in the death of all 42 people aboard the DC-9 and 51 on the Iberia jet. 1987 Soviet leader Mikhail S. Gorbachev set foot on American soil for the first time. He had come to the U.S. for a Washington summit with U.S. President Reagan. 1987 43 people were killed when a gunman opened fire on a fellow passenger and the two pilots aboard a Pacific Southwest Airlines jetliner. 1988 An estimated 25,000 people were killed when a major earthquake hit northern Armenia in the Soviet Union. The quake measured 6.9 on the Richter Scale. 1988 Soviet President Mikhail S. Gorbachev announced the reduction of the number of Soviet military troops by half a million. 1989 East Germany's Communist Party agreed to cooperate with the plan for free elections and a revised constitution. 1992 The U.S. Supreme Court rejected a Mississippi abortion law which required women to get counseling and then wait 24 hours before terminating their pregnancies. 1993 Six people were killed and 17 were injured when a gunman opened fire on a Long Island Rail Road commuter train. 1993 Energy Secretary Hazel O'Leary revealed that the U.S. government had conducted more than 200 nuclear weapons tests in secret at its Nevada test site. 1993 Surgeon General Joycelyn Elders suggested that the U.S. government study the impact of drug legalization. 1995 A probe sent from the Galileo spacecraft entered into Jupiter's atmosphere. The probe sent back data to the mothership before it was eaten or otherwise destroyed. 1996 The space shuttle Columbia returned from the longest- ever shuttle flight of 17 days, 15 hours and 54 minutes. 1998 The U.N. evacuated 14 peacekeepers that were trapped by fighting between army and rebel forces in central Angola. 1998 U.S. Attorney General Janet Reno declined to seek an independent counsel investigation of President Clinton over 1996 campaign financing. 1999 A U.S. federal grand jury indicted a former convict in the 1995 disappearance of atheist leader Madalyn Murray O'Hair. 2002 In Amsterdam, Netherlands, two Van Gogh paintings were stolen from the Van Gogh Museum. The two works were "View of the Sea st Scheveningen" and "Congregation Leaving the Reformed Church in Nuenen." On July 26, 2004, two men were convicted for the crime and were sentenced to at least four years in prison each. 2002 In Mymensingh, Bangladesh, four movie theaters were bombed within 30 minutes of each other. At least 15 people were killed and over 200 were injured. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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