Good Morning, Do, Today is Friday, November 10 Time to wear a bit of red to show your support for the troops! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida woman caught swapping barcodes at Walmart Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, November 10 in 1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 1798. This day is observed as the birth date of the United States Marine Corps. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ No one has ever had an idea in a dress suit. --- Sir Frederick G. Banting (1891 - 1941) The word 'politics' is derived from the word 'poly', meaning 'many', and the word 'ticks', meaning 'blood sucking parasites'. --- Larry Hardiman Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: While on a flight from New York, the Stewardess was busy passing out peanuts and cokes to everyone. There were about sixteen flights lined up waiting to get clearance to take off. Then the other Stewardess got a message from the Pilot that the tower said the wind had changed 180 degrees and they were first in line to take off, and to have everyone buckle up. Without thinking she just announced "Please buckle up, grab your drinks and hold your nuts, we're taking off". _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A group of young medical students started their psychiatry rotation and were a little worried about what they would encounter, after hearing all the rumors from other students. On the first day, they went to the Psychiatric ward and were quite relieved when the Registrar, Dr. Nathaniel Bigelow, introduced himself and took the group into the teaching room. Dr. Bigelow told the medical students about all the patients on the ward, with precise details and complete information. Unfortunately, the worries of young medical students returned in an instant, when the real Registrar entered the teaching room and said, "Good morning, everyone. I am Doctor David Filmore. Let me introduce Hank Bigelow, here. He has been one of our patients for quite some time, now." ______________________________________________________ Not NOW, Johnny! _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ A couple was married for 40 years and decided they wanted to renew their vows and planned a second wedding. They were discussing the details with their friends. The wife wasn't going to wear a traditional bridal gown and she started describing the dress she was planning to wear. One of her friends asked what color shoes she had to go with the dress. She replied, "Silver." At that point, her husband quipped, "Yes, silver, to match her hair." She looked at her husband, who had been getting a little bald and said, "So, I guess you are going barefoot." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cheyenne Amber West, Vero Beach, Florida Florida woman caught swapping barcodes at Walmart A Florida woman is accused of paying only $3.70 for nearly $2,000 worth of electronics after she allegedly swapped barcodes at a local Walmart. "The computer is for my husband. Since he just got me a Coach purse, I figured he deserved something nice as well. According to a Walmart loss prevention officer, Cheyenne Amber West and another women entered the store and began taking video game controllers, a computer and other items from the electronics department. They then allegedly went to the clearance section, where they took out the devices from their boxes and containers and placed clearance price tags on them. The pair then proceeded to a self-checkout counter, where they allegedly scanned the clearance barcodes and paid a total of $3.70. The electronics cost a total $1,825.20. According to the arrest affidavit, the 25-year-old said "I am just trying to get gifts for my son that I cannot afford. The computer is for my husband. Since he just got me a Coach purse, I figured he deserved something nice as well. West has been charged with felony grand theft and shoplifting, according to the Indian River County Sheriff's Office. She has been released from jail after paying her $3,000 posted bond, and will appear in court on December 13. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Jerry Re: Windows font sizes Dear Webby, the body type on all the Emails and Favorite places comes through really small. Any suggestions on how to increase it without this septuagenarian using a magnifying glass? Jerry Dear Jerry Right-click the desktop Personalize Display Set Custom text size (DPI) In there, crank up the numbers. I use 125% Don't ask ME why something simple is hidden in such a silly rigmarole. It works, though, if you get to that spot is the labyrinth. Have FUN! DearWebby A family from the hills was visiting the city and were in a shopping mall for the first time in their life. The father and son were strolling around while the wife shopped. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and then slide back together again. The boy asked, "Paw, What's 'at?" The father said, "Son, I dunno. I ain't never seen anything like that in my entire life. I ain't got no idea what the heck it is." While the boy and his father were watching with amazement, a large old woman in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened, the lady rolled between them into a small room, and they closed. The boy and his father watched the small circular numbers above the walls light up sequentially. They continued to watch until it reached the last number and then the numbers began to light in the reverse order. When the number one was lit again, the walls opened up. The boy and his father watched in amazement as a beautiful young woman stepped out of the small room. The father, not taking his eyes off the young woman, said quietly to his son, "Boy, go get your mother." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Thanks to Michelle for this one: The garbage man came early today. I heard his truck from inside the house so I threw on my robe and ran outside to catch him. He was pulling away from the neighbors curb when he saw me running and waiving my arms. "Hey! Wait!" I yelled. "Am I too late?" He looked me up and down and said, "Nah, just jump in." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Plastic Bags on Your Feet When Painting If you are painting and don't want to get paint on your shoes or the floor throughout the rest of your house, tie plastic grocery bags over your shoes. Then tear off the grocery bags when you need to leave the room you are painting and put on a new pair before you re-enter the room. It's not very fashionable but it does the trick. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com Pros use old, paint splattered but still firm and tight slippers for painting. They can drop them at the door without using hands, if they have to go to another room. Those are much safer on ladders or when reaching over furniture. Some also have a clean pair of soft and fuzzy slippers waiting at the door for going to clean areas. A minute of preparation can save a lot of cleaning. Have FUN! DearWebby ____________________________________________________ A man was visiting his elderly neighbor and was given a tour of his home. In the den was a stuffed lion. The neighbor asked, "When did you bag him?" The old man said proudly, "That was three years ago, when I went hunting with my ex-wife." "What's he stuffed with?" asked the neighbor. "My ex-wife," replied the old man __________________________________________________ | | This Bizarre Australian Town Is Impossible To Find, Unless You Know Where To Look. |
While the family was sitting around the dinner table, Jennifer, 5, turned to her brother Andy, 3, and pointed to her dad. "That's not your real father," she said, startling the whole family. "Yes, he is!" Andy replied. "No, he's not," Jennifer insisted. "God is your heavenly father." Then pointing at her dad, she said, "That's your homely father!" ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Thanks to Sandie for this story: A man and his wife were spending the day at the zoo. She was wearing a loose fitting pink dress, sleeveless with straps. He was wearing his usual jeans and T-shirt. As they walked through the ape exhibit, they passed in front of a large, silverback gorilla. Noticing the wife, the gorilla went crazy. He jumped on the bars, and holding on with one hand and 2 feet he grunted and pounded his chest with his free hand. He was obviously excited at the pretty lady in the pink dress. The husband, noticing the excitement, thought this was funny. He suggested that his wife tease the poor fellow some more by puckering her lips and wiggling her bottom. She played along and the gorilla got even more excited, making noises that would wake the dead. She got into the spirit of things and started jumping up and down and teasing the ape without any more prompting. This drove the gorilla absolutely crazy, and he started doing flips. Then the husband grabbed his wife, ripped open the door to the cage, pushed her in with the gorilla and slammed the cage door shut. "Now, tell him, you have a headache." ____________________________________________________ | Today, November 10, in 1775 The U.S. Marines were organized under authority of the Continental Congress. The Marines went out of existence after the end of the Revolutionary War in April of 1783. The Marine Corps were formally re-established on July 11, 1798. This day is observed as the birth date of the United States Marine Corps. 1801 The U.S. state of Tennessee outlawed the practice of dueling. 1871 Henry M. Stanley, journalist and explorer, found David Livingstone. Livingston was a missing Scottish missionary in central Africa. Stanley delivered his famous greeting: "Dr. Livingstone, I presume?" 1879 Western Union and the National Bell Telephone Company reached a settlement over various telephone patents. 1917 41 suffragists were arrested in front of the White House. 1928 Michinomiya Hirohito was enthroned as Emperor of Japan. 1951 Direct-dial, coast-to-coast telephone service began when Mayor M. Leslie Denning of Englewood, NJ, called his counterpart in Alameda, CA. 1954 The Iwo Jima Memorial was dedicated in Arlington, VA. 1957 102,368 people attended the San Francisco 49ers and Los Angeles Rams game. The crowd was the largest regular-season crowd in NFL history. 1969 "Sesame Street" made its debut on PBS. 1970 The Great Wall of China opened for tourism. 1975 The Edmund Fitzgerald, an ore-hauling ship, and its crew of 29 vanished during a storm in Lake Superior. 1980 CBS News anchor Dan Rather claimed he had been kidnapped in a cab. It turned out that Rather had refused to pay the cab fare. 1982 Soviet leader Leonid I. Brezhnev died of a heart attack at age 75. He was suceeded by Yuri V. Andropov. 1982 In Washington, DC, the Vietnam Veterans Memorial was opened to visitors. 1988 The U.S. Department of Energy announced that Texas would be the home of the atom-smashing super-collider. The project was cancelled by a vote of the U.S. Congress in Oct. 1993. 1993 John Wayne Bobbitt was acquitted on the charge of marital sexual assault against his wife who sexually mutilated him. Lorena Bobbitt was later acquitted of malicious wounding her husband. 1993 The U.S. House of Representatives passed the Brady Bill, which called for a five-day waiting period for handgun purchases. 1994 U.S. officials announced that it planned to stop enforcing the arms embargo against the Bosnian government the following week. The U.N. Security Council was opposed to lifting the ban. 1994 Iraq recognized Kuwait's borders in the hope that the action would end trade sanctions. 1995 Nigeria's military rulers hanged playwright Ken Saro- Wiwa along with several other anti-government activists. 1995 In Katmandu, Nepal, searchers rescued 549 hikers after a massive avalanche struck the Himalayan foothills. The disaster left 24 tourists and 32 Nepalese dead. 1996 Dan Marino (Miami Dolphins) became the first quarterback in NFL history to pass for more than 50,000 yards. (Florida) 1997 WorldCom Inc. acquired MCI Communication Corporation. It was the largest merger in U.S. history valued at $37 billion. 1997 A jury in Virginia convicted Mir Aimal Kasi of the murder of two CIA employees in 1993. 1997 A judge in Cambridge, MA, reduced Louise Woodward's murder conviction to manslaughter and sentenced the English au pair to time served. She had served 279 days in the death of 8-month-old Matthew Eappen. 1998 At the White House, "The Virtual Wall" website (www.thevirtualwall.org) was unveiled. The site allows visitors to experience The Wall through the Internet. 2001 The World Trade Organization approved China's membership. 2004 Yusuf Islam (formerly known as Cat Stevens) was awarded the "Man for Peace" prize in Rome at the opening of a meeting of Nobel Peace Prize laureates. 2017 Do smiled. |
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