Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 28 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________  Kidnapped Detroit girl saved after neighbor hears her yell for help  ___________________________________________________ Today, July 26 in 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. However, Do objected. So the US is still using the Brutish Imperial system based on the pecker of a long dead English king. The rest of the world is using the decimal system. ____________________________________________________ I believe we are on an irreversible trend toward more freedom and democracy - but that could change. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ), 5/22/89 Fortune does not change men, it unmasks them. --- Suzanne Necker (1739 - 1794) ____________________________________________________ As Chester left a pottery class, he desperately gave himself a personal TSA pat down. He was looking for his keys. They were not in his pockets. A quick search in the meeting room revealed nothing. Suddenly he realized that he must have left them in the car. Frantically, he headed for the parking lot. Chesters wife, Sally, had scolded him many times for leaving the keys in the ignition. Chesters theory is that the ignition is the best place not to lose them. Sallys theory is that the car will be stolen. As Chester burst through the doors, he came to a terrifying conclusion: Sallys theory was right. The parking lot was empty. He immediately called the police. He gave them his location, confessing that he had left the keys in the car and that it had been stolen. Then Chester made the most difficult call of all. "Honey," he stammered (He always calls her "honey" in times like these) "I left my keys in the car, and it has been stolen." There was a period of silence. Chester thought the call had been dropped, but then he heard Sallys voice. "Chester!" she barked, "I dropped you off!" Now it was his time to be silent. Embarrassed, he said, "Well, come and get me." "I will!" Sally retorted, "Just as soon as I convince this cop to take off the handcuffs!" ____________________________________________________   Shelly Lynn Hachey-O'Donnell Back seat driver (Horned Grebe with Grebette) - July 2021 North of Calgary ____________________________________________________ Kevin gets a New Secretary. A few days later his wife learns of this this new hire, and so he faces a volley of rapid, suspicious questions. Emma (Kevin's wife): Does your new secretary have nice legs?" Kevin: Didnt quite notice." Emma: "What color are her eyes?" Kevin: Havent had the time to check." Emma: "What are the nail polish colors she uses, metallic, gel or neon ?" Kevin: Not a clue in the world." Emma: "Does she have a local accent? Kevin: I barely spoke to her, so dont know. Emma: "How does she dress?" Kevin: "Very quickly. Kevin's funeral will be held on Saturday. ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Dangelo Cash Clemons, 30, Detroit, Illinois, USA  Kidnapped Detroit girl saved after neighbor hears her yell for help  Detroit police are investigating after a young girl was allegedly held captive last month. Maggie Millsap, 5, yelled for help from the window of a duplex on June 30, saying a monster was coming. Her neighbor and babysitter Raynell Jones called 911 after hearing the girl. "She goes, Help me, help me please," Jones said. "When the guy walks back up she says, The monster is back, and then she closes the curtain." Maggie lived with her father, Colby Millsap, on the right side of the duplex in the 12100 block of Schaefer. The man who lives on the left side, Dangelo Cash Clemons, 30, is facing kidnapping charges after police allege that he held her captive for days. While police were investigating, they found a man dead in the unit where Maggie lived. Neighbors said it was Colby Millsap. Within the same week, another man was found shot to death just outside the duplex. Investigators said it isn't clear how everything is connected. Investigators are working toward murder charges in the case. "Ive never ever come across a case like this ever," said Det. James Kraszewski, with Detroit police. "This will go with me until the end." Maggie is currently in foster care. She has family in Texas, but it isn't clear where the girl will go permanently. It seems that Colby Millsap, the girls father, was killed, possibly by Clemons, or somebody he knew, and that he then "adopted" the girl. Another theory is that Clemens took the girl and that her father got into a fight with Clemens and got killed. Clemons was given a $250,000/10% bond.  
 DearWebby's tech support pits From: Vic Re: Adobe has gone bad Dear Webby Has Adobe gone bad? My Dreamweaver, fully paid up, won't work anymore on W7. I can't figure out whether is is the usual gross incompetence, or malicious sabotage. Their support is a total waste of time. One of them, after wasting almost 3 hours of my time claimed that their server, that does the owner verification, is broken and will get fixed soon. That was on Friday. Today, another support person, wasted the same amount of time, and concluded that Adobe can't handle W7 since the July 14 "update". And that I should ask their forum. Well, the silly ninnies on the forum said I should downgrade to W10. THAT is not an acceptable solution. Vic  Dear Vic I agree 100%. Dreamweaver was a great program, the way Macromedia had written it. I could really get a lot of work done with it. And I did! Then ADOBE took it, and it went downhill steadily. Now, it looks like, Microsoft took over Adobe and did a hostile sabotage of the owner verification app. I have the same problem. If I find some other program to use, I will be gone like a shot. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 A quarrel broke out between a man and a woman while traveling for dinner at a restaurant. They quarreled almost all the way and just before they arrived, the wife said to the husband: "You are very lucky to have me, no other normal woman will want you!". The frustrated husband decided to prove to his wife that she was wrong and find women who would be interested in him already during dinner. The hostess who led them to the table smiled at the husband endlessly, laughed at his jokes and even offered to take his coat, so of course as soon as she left he turned to his wife with a triumphant look on her face. "Don't get too excited, it's just her job and she's married too." "How do you know?" "Because I saw a ring on her finger." A short time later the husband had to go to the bathroom, and on his way back he collided with the chair of a woman sitting alone at a nearby table. He apologized, ordered her a drink at his expense, talked to her for a few moments and sat down with his wife again. "Just so you know, she invited me to sit down for a drink with her!" "Don't get too excited, she's probably half blind." "How do you know?" "Because I saw her enter the restaurant with a walking stick." After a few minutes a waitress went to the table and as she took the order from the couple it was obvious that she was staring at her husband and flirting with him. "Here! You see?!" He said to his wife after the waitress left, "There are normal women who want me!" "Don't be an idiot, she has corona." "How do you know?" "Because if she's interested in you then she has no sense of taste!" 
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 What makes a man think about a candlelight dinner? A power failure. Sounds like there might be a population explosion in Mexifornia next spring. ____________________________________________ Scholars have long debated the exact ethnicity and nationality of Jesus. Recently, at a theological meeting in Rome, scholars had a heated debate on this subject. One by one, they offered their evidence............. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS MEXICAN: 1. His first name was Jesus 2. He was bilingual 3. He was always being harassed by the authorities But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS BLACK: 1. He called everybody "brother" 2. He liked Gospel 3. He couldn't get a fair trial But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS JEWISH: 1. He went into His Father's business 2. He lived at home until he was 33 3. He was sure his Mother was a virgin, and his Mother was sure he was God. But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS ITALIAN: 1. He talked with his hands 2. He had wine with every meal 3. He used olive oil But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS A CALIFORNIAN: 1. He never cut his hair 2. He walked around barefoot 3. He started a new religion But then there were equally good arguments that JESUS WAS IRISH: 1. He never got married 2. He was always telling stories 3. He loved green pastures But perhaps the most compelling evidence. THREE PROOFS THAT JESUS WAS A WOMAN: 1. She had to feed a crowd at a moment's notice when there was no food. 2. She kept trying to get the message across to a bunch of men who JUST DIDN'T GET IT. 3. Even when she was dead, she had to get up because there was more work to do. ____________________________________________ Morris complained to his doctor, "I've been to three other doctors and none of them agreed with your diagnosis." The doctor calmly replied, "Just wait until the autopsy, then you will see that I was right!" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, July 28, in 1821 Peru declared its independence from Spain. 1866 The metric system was legalized by the U.S. Congress for the standardization of weights and measures throughout the United States. However, Do objected. So the US is still using the Brutish Imperial system based on the pecker of a long dead English king. The rest of the world is using the decimal system. 1914 World War I officially began when Austria-Hungary declared war on Serbia for refusing to hand over the assassin of the crown prince and his wife. 1932 Federal troops forcibly dispersed the "Bonus Army" of World War I veterans who had gathered in Washington, DC. They were demanding money they were not scheduled to receive until 1945. 1941 Plans for the Pentagon were approved by the U.S. House of Representatives. 1942 L.A. Thatcher received a patent for a coin-operated mailbox. The device stamped envelopes when money was inserted. 1945 A U.S. Army bomber crashed into the 79th floor of New York City's Empire State Building. 14 people were killed and 26 were injured. 1951 The Walt Disney film "Alice in Wonderland" was released. 1965 U.S. President Johnson announced he was increasing the number of American troops in South Vietnam from 75,000 to 125,000. 1982 San Francisco, CA, became the first city in the U.S. to ban handguns. 1991 Dennis Martinez (Montreal Expos) pitched the 13th perfect game in major league baseball history. 1998 Bell Atlantic and GTE announced $52 billion deal that created the second-largest phone company. 1998 Serbian military forces seized the Kosovo town of Malisevo. 1998 Monica Lewinsky received blanket immunity from prosecution to testify before a grand jury about her relationship with U.S. President Clinton. 2006 Researchers announced that two ancient reptiles had been found off Australia. The Umoonasaurus and Opallionectes were the first of their kind to be found in the period soon after the Jurassic era. 2021 Do smiled. 
 
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