Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, July 12 By the time y9u read this, I will be on my way to Calgary for Lucentis injections into my eyeballs. That means no Humor letter on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida man pistol-whipped, raped and robbed a 62-year-old. He is in jail now. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 12 in 1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented by William W. Lyman. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
What is written without effort is in general read without pleasure. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 1784) With or without religion, you would have good people doing good things and evil people doing evil things. But for good people to do evil things, that takes religion. --- Steven Weinberg ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A boy was watching his father, a pastor, write a sermon. "How do you know what to say?" he asked. "God tells me." "Oh, then why do you keep crossing things out?" _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ In the admitting office of our hospital, some patients were filling out forms, others were being interviewed and still others were being escorted to their rooms. An elderly woman hesitatnly entered my cubicle. She had completed her admitting forms and, upon my request, handed me her insurance cards. I typed the neccessary information and then asked her the reason for her coming to the hospital. "Just to visit a friend," she said, "but this had taken so long, I'm not sure she is still alive now." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Benjamin Victor Hovan, 32, Casselberry, Florida Florida man pistol-whipped, raped and robbed a 62-year-old. In jail now. A man wanted in a South Miami armed home invasion has been arrested hundreds of miles away after police say he raped, robbed, and kidnapped a woman at knifepoint. Benjamin Victor Hovan was arrested Thursday at a Titusville convenience store, just north of Cocoa Beach, after a nationwide arrest warrant was issued, Titusville police said. Brevard County records show Hovan was booked Thursday morning. He was charged with home invasion, sexual battery and kidnapping. Police say Hovan robbed a 62-year-old woman at gunpoint on Wednesday along the 6000 block of Kendall Drive in South Miami. South Miami police say Hovan, 32, pistol-whipped the woman before taking off with her jewelry and Mercedes Benz. On Saturday, police say Hovan was in Casselberry, Florida, just north of Kissimmee, where he held a 24-year-old woman at knifepoint. WFTV9 reported that the woman opened her apartment door thinking it was a pizza deliveryman. It wasn't. Hovan, who police say had been watching the woman and her friend load the car in a grocery store parking lot just hours before, barged in with a knife and raped one of them, the news station reported. Afterward, police said, Hovan kidnapped them in a car owned by one of them, took them to a Publix ATM in a nearby town and demanded they withdraw money. That's when one of the women asked an employee to call 911. By the time police got there, Hovan had fled. Hovan was spotted at a convenience store in Titusville on Thursday. A police officer thought he was acting suspicious and checked the license plate of the car he was driving. He tried to run but the cop put him on the ground with her taser. Hovan was ultimately identified by investigators by his fingerprints in the woman's apartment and in the stolen Mercedes. Tech Support Pits From: Patti Re: Alternating Highspeed accounts Dear Webby, My computer is for fun and a bit of research and after 5 years I've decided it's time to get off dial up. My problem: 6 months in Michigan, 6 months in Arizona. I've looked and looked at high speed providers and can't find one that will work between the two areas and also while I'm on the road. My present provider works in all three areas but wow, it's getting slower and slower. You have to realize this "olde" gal is slowly coming into the next century, but good grief, there is so much technology to learn and small town living doesn't offer much help Can you offer any advice?? Having a lot of fun, Patti Dear Patti While on the road, you'll just have to go to hotels and motels that have high speed. As a rule of thumb, 3-star have wired Internet or free local dial-out, 4 star and up have wireless high speed Internet. Regarding the migration, call Earthlink and ask them if they still have a Snowbird Special. 1-866-383-3080 or go on their live chat. Get the phone numbers for both locations ready before you call. They do have a fairly straightforward method for relocating, but best is if you talk to them. Have FUN DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. You're driving a bus that is leaving from Pennsylvania and ending in New York. To start off with, there were 32 passengers on the bus. At the next bus stop, 11 people get off and 9 people get on. At the next bus stop, 2 people got off and 2 people got on. At the next bus stop, 12 people got on and 16 people got off. At the next bus stop, 5 people got on and 3 people got off. What color are the bus driver's eyes? --------------- Answer on Monday | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
'Twas in a restaurant they first met, Romeo and Juliet. 'Twas there that he got into debt, 'Cause he owed what Juli ate.' ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Gas Saving Driving Techniques Use the correct speed for the gear you are in. Try to drive the speed limit and accelerate slowly when leaving the stop light. The fastest person through the intersection just gets to spend more on gas. There is no need to rev your engine before you turn your vehicle off, it just wastes gas. Here are some tricks I learned in the arctic: Use synthetic WINTER oil all year round. It can easily handle summer temperatures, since the engine has a thermostat anyway. In winter put a rug in front of the radiator and over the engine, so that it reaches proper operating temperature. Even the best engine is a gas guzzler during warm-up, since it is programmed to burn extra fuel to heat up the engine to ideal temp. Without a rug it may never reach ideal temp until March! Change oil and air filters frequently, and vacuum out the duct from the front to the air filter intake. Any leaves or twigs in that duct cost you dearly in gas money, but no mechanic will ever tell you about that. They rather sell you expensive add-ons or better filters, that don't make much difference. Have FUN! DearWebby Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ | | It's amazing what was discovered in an old cupboard with a false bottom and a secret safe hidden there. |
___________________________________________________ An Irishman and an American were sitting in the bar at Shannon Airport. "I've come to meet my brother," said the Irishman. "He's due to fly in from America in an hour's time. It's his first trip home in forty years". "Will you be able to recognize him?" asked the American. "I'm sure I won't," said the Irishman, "after all, he's been away for a long time". "I wonder if he'll recognize you?" said the American. "Of course he will," said the Irishman. "I haven't been away at all". ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A Protestant moved into a completely Catholic community. Being good Catholics they welcomed him into their community. But, also because they were good Catholics they did not eat red meat on Fridays. So when their neighbor began barbecuing some juicy steak on Friday night, they began to squirm. They were so annoyed that they went to talk to him about it. After much talk they convinced him to become Catholic. The next Sunday he went to the priest and the priest sprinkled holy water on him and said, "You were born Protestant. You were raised Protestant. But now you are Catholic." And so, the next Friday, as the neighbors sat down to eat their fish, they were disturbed by the smell of roast beef coming from the neighboring house. They went over to talk to the new Catholic because he knew he was not supposed to eat beef on Fridays. When they saw him, he was sprinkling ketchup on the beef saying, "You were born a cow. You were raised a cow. But now you are a fish." In order to hang on to their members, Catholics can now eat red meat on Fridays, and are even allowed to use birth control. However, organic birth control like "69" is still a sin. ____________________________________________________ | Today, July 12 in 1096 Crusaders under Peter the Hermit reached Sofia, Bulgaria. There they met their Byzantine escort, which brought them safely the rest of the way to Constantinople. by August 1. 1543 England's King Henry VIII married his sixth and last wife, Catherine Parr. 1690 Protestant forces led by William of Orange defeated the Roman Catholic army of James II. 1691 William III defeated the allied Irish and French armies at the Battle of Aughrim, Ireland. 1790 The French Assembly approved a Civil Constitution providing for the election of priests and bishops. 1806 The Confederation of the Rhine was established in Germany. 1862 The U.S. Congress authorized the Medal of Honor. 1864 U.S. President Abraham Lincoln witnessed the battle where Union forces repelled Jubal Early's army on the outskirts of Washington, DC. 1870 The first rotary can opener with a cutting wheel was patented by William W. Lyman. 1912 The first foreign-made film to premiere in America, "Queen Elizabeth", was shown. 1933 A minimum wage of 40 cents an hour was established in the U.S. 1941 Moscow was bombed by the German Luftwaffe for the first time. 1960 Manufacturing began for the Etch A Sketch. 1982 "E.T.: The Extra-Terrestrial" broke all box-office records by surpassing the $100-million mark of ticket sales in the first 31 days of its opening. 1982 The last of the distinctive-looking Checker taxicabs rolled off the assembly line in Kalamazoo, MI. 1990 Russian republic president Boris N. Yeltsin announced his resignation from the the Soviet Communist Party. 1998 1.7 billion people watched soccer's World Cup finals between France and Brazil. France won 3-0. 1999 Walt Disney Co. announced that it was merging all of its Internet operations together with Infoseek into Go.com. 2000 Russia launched the Zvezda after two years of delays. The module was built to be the living quarters for the International Space Station (ISS.) 2018 Do smiled. |
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