Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, December 18  
 
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 ___________________________________________________ History: on this day, December 17, in 1898, A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph). ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award:  Surprise man arrested for allegedly exploiting Casa Grande teenage girl sexually  _____________________________________________________ Q I love deadlines. I like the whooshing sound they make as they fly by. --- Douglas Adams (1952 - 2001) It is well that war is so terrible - otherwise we would grow too fond of it. --- Robert E. Lee (1807 - 1870) It has yet to be proven that intelligence has any survival value. --- Arthur C. Clarke (1917 - ) (ACC was the "Al Gore" of the 60s, claiming that the CO2 of our muscle cars was binging on an ice age. Like Al Gore and his Gullible Warming, ACC was full of sh**) If you cannot convince them, confuse them. --- Harry S Truman (1884 - 1972) ____________________________________________________ A young woman enters the convent. One of her first duties is to drive the Mother Superior to the local Diocese. Needless to say the young nun is a little apprehensive about getting such an important job to do right off the bat. So the two of them set off down the highway, the young nun driving and the Mother Superior sitting quietly in the back. No sooner do they start this journey when out of nowhere this red object drops out of the sky and lands on the hood of their car! Low and behold, it's the Devil himself! He crawls up to the window and starts making lewd gestures at the young nun. The young nun looks back at the Mother Superior and says, "Mother Superior! The Devil's on the hood of the car! What should I do?" The Mother Superior says in a calm voice, "My child... you are a nun! Show him your cross!" With that the young nun rolls down the window, leans her head out and screams: "YOU @#$%$#@& *&^%$#** GET THE @#$#@% OFF MY @#$@$#% CAR!" __________________________________________________ When Jean arrived for her daughter's parent-teacher conference, the teacher seemed a bit flustered, especially when she started telling her that her little girl didn't always pay attention in class and was sometimes a little flighty. "For example, she'll do the wrong page in the workbook," the teacher explained, "and I've even found her sitting in the wrong desk." "I don't understand that," Jean replied defensively. "Where could she have gotten that?" The teacher went on to reassure her that her daughter was still doing fine in school and was sweet and likeable. Finally, after a pause, she added, "By the way, Mrs. Johnson, our appointment was for tomorrow." __________________________________________________ An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  Joel Disanto, 47, Surprise, Arizona, USA  Surprise man arrested for allegedly exploiting Casa Grande teenage girl sexually  Officials with the Casa Grande Police Department say they have arrested a West Valley man for allegedly sexually exploiting a Casa Grande girl. According to a statement released on Dec. 15, 47-year-old Joel Disanto of Surprise was arrested on Dec. 14 in North Phoenix, in a joint effort between Casa Grande Police and Phoenix Police. Investigators say the investigation against Disanto began in late October. "During the investigation, it was discovered a local 15- year-old female met Disanto for sexual encounters. Much of this information was discovered through various social media sites used by the suspect and the victim," read a portion of Casa Grande Police's statement. "Detectives discovered significant information and evidence on Disantos social media accounts demonstrating sexual predator activities." Detectives also say Disanto is registered sex offender. Casa Grande Police officials say they will be submitting charges of Sexual Conduct with a Minor, Child Sex Trafficking, and Luring a Minor for Sexual Exploitation against Disanto to the Pinal County Attorney's Office for review. An investigation remains active and ongoing. ___________________________________________________   ___________________________________________________ The town council was not too happy with that sign, so the doctors changed it to "Hysterias and Posteriors." This was not acceptable either, so in an effort to satisfy the council, they changed the sign to "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." No go! Next they tried "Catatonics and High Colonics." Thumbs down again. Then came, "Manic-depressives and Anal-retentives." Still not good enough. How about, "Minds and Behinds." Unacceptable again. So they tried, "Inner Souls and Outer Holes." Still no go. Nor did; "Analysis and Anal Cysts", "Nuts and Butts", "Freaks and Cheeks", or "Loons and Moons" work either. Almost at their wits' end, the doctors finally came up with a title they thought might be acceptable to the council; "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones, Odds and Ends." "APPROVED!" ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ College student: "Hey, Dad! I've got some great news for you!" Father: "What, son?" College student: "Remember that $500 you promised me if I made the Dean's list?" Father (beaming): "I certainly do." College student: "Well, you get to keep it!" ___________________________________________________   Mai Vng _________________________________________________ Chinese Relativity Axiom: No matter how great your triumphs or how tragic your defeats, approximately two billion Chinese couldn't care less. _______________________________________________ Alex sees Elmer walking with a lantern and asks, "Where ya going boy?" Elmer smiled and replied, "I'm a-going courting Peggy-Sue." Alex said, "When I went a-courtin', I didn't need me no dang lantern." "Yes, sure Alex, I know." the boy said. "And look what you got!" __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ The preacher was preaching with all his might. The subject was SIN, and he was 'against' it. A girl, with a wonderful figure, and not nearly enough clothes to hide much skin, came in late. She strode down the center aisle, close to the front, and sat down. It was plain to the preacher that he had lost a little over 100% of his audience to this voluptuous sex-object. He shook a fist at her and said, "You is the Jezebel the good book tells us about. You have got the mind of every man in this building on evil thoughts, and not good thoughts. I am a man of God! You don't affect me, and right now up in Heaven, Saint Finger is shaking his Peter at you!" ________________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Lisa Re: Animated cats Dear Webby On my last computer I used to have a bookmark to a site with a whole lot of funny animated postys with cats. Do you know the URL of that site? I think it's one of your clients. Muchly appreciated! Lisa  Dear Lisa Sure I know that site. Jana's site has been a favorite for sending postys to cat lovers for many decades. Her famous animation of the cat unrolling the toilet paper is priceless! Have a look at http://actioncat.com Nowadays people are too lazy to send postcards, so Jana made animated GIFS to use instead of mug shots on your phone. Her famous animation of the cat unrolling the toilet paper is priceless and since the mid 90s as probably been sent a Million times! Have a look at http://actioncat.com Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!" ____________________________________________________ Today, December 18 in 1796, The "Monitor," of Baltimore, MD, was published as the first Sunday newspaper. 1862, The first orthopedic hospital was organized in New York City. It was called the Hospital for Ruptured and Crippled. 1865, U.S. Secretary of State William Seward issued a statement verifying the ratification of the 13th Amendment to the U.S. Constitution. The amendment abolished slavery with the declaration: "Neither slavery nor involuntary servitude, except as a punishment for crime whereof the party shall have been duly convicted, shall exist within the United States, or any place subject to their jurisdiction." 1898, A new automobile speed record was set at 39 mph (63 kph). 1903, The Panama Canal Zone was acquired 'in perpetuity' by the U.S. for an annual rent. 1912, The discovery of the Piltdown Man in East Sussex was announced. It was proved to be a hoax in 1953. 1915, U.S. President Wilson, widowed the year before, married Edith Bolling Galt at her Washington home. 1916, During World War I, after 10 months of fighting the French defeated the Germans in the Battle of Verdun. 1917, The Eighteenth Amendment to the U.S. Constitution was passed by the U.S. Senate and then officially proposed the states. 1935, A $1 silver certificate was issued for the first time in the U.S. 1936, Su-Lin, the first giant panda to come to the U.S. from China, arrived in San Francisco, CA. The bear was sold to the Brookfield Zoo for $8,750. 1940, Adolf Hitler signed a secret directive ordering preparations for a Nazi invasion of the Soviet Union. Operation "Barbarossa" was launched in June 1941. 1944, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the wartime relocation of Japanese-Americans, but also stated that undeniably loyal Americans of Japanese ancestry could not be detained. 1950, NATO foreign ministers approved plans to defend Western Europe, including the use of nuclear weapons, if necessary. 1953, WPTZ, in Philadelphia, PA, presented a Felso commercial, it was the first color telecast seen on a local station. 1956, "To Tell the Truth" debuted on CBS-TV. 1956, Japan was admitted to the United Nations. 1957, The Shippingport Atomic Power Station in Pennsylvania went online. It was the first nuclear facility to generate electricity in the United States. It was taken out of service in 1982. 1963, Ron Clarke set a world record when he ran six miles in 28 minutes and 15.6 seconds. 1965, Kenneth LeBel jumped 17 barrels on ice skates. 1969, Britain's Parliament abolished the death penalty for murder. 1970, Divorce became legal in Italy. 1972, The United States began the heaviest bombing of North Vietnam during the Vietnam War. The attack ended 12 days later. 1973, The IRA launched its Christmas bombing campaign in London. 1979, The sound barrier was broken on land for the first time by Stanley Barrett when he drove at 739.6 mph. 1983, Wayne Gretzky (Edmonton Oilers) scored his 100th point in the 34th game of the season. 1987, Ivan F. Boesky was sentenced to three years in prison for plotting Wall Street's biggest insider-trading scandal. He only served about two years of the sentence. 1996, Despite a U.N. truce, factional fighting in the Somali capital of Mogadishu, broke out in which at least 300 fighters and civilians were killed. 1998, The U.S. House of Representatives began the debate on the four articles of impeachment concerning U.S. President Bill Clinton. It was only the second time in U.S. history that process had begun. 1998, Russia recalled its U.S. ambassador in protest of the U.S. attacks on Iraq. 1998, South Carolina proceeded with the U.S.' 500th execution since capital punishment was restored. 1999, After living atop an ancient redwood in Humboldt County, CA, for two years, environmental activist Julia "Butterfly" Hill came down, ending her anti-logging protest. 2001, Mark Oliver Gebel, a Ringling Bros. Circus star, went on trial for animal abuse. The charges stemmed from an incident with an elephant that was marching too slowly into a circus performance on August 25, 2001. He was acquitted on December 21, 2001. 2001, A fire damaged New York City's St. John Cathedral. The cathedral is the largest in the United States. 2001, In Seattle, WA, Gary Leon Ridgeway pled innocent to the charge of murder for four of the Green River serial killings. He had been arrested on November 30, 2001. 2002, Nine competing designs for the World Trade Center site were unveiled. The Lower Manhattan Development Corp. expected to choose a design by January 31, 2003. 2003, Adam Rich was arrested for driving onto a closed section of Interstate 10 and nearly struck a California Highway Patrol car. 2009, General Motors announced that it would shut down its Saab brand. 2009, A Paris court ruled that Google was breaking French law with its policy of digitizing books and fined the company a $14,300-a-day fine until it rids its search engine of the literary extracts. 2009, James Cameron's movie "Avatar" was released in the United States. On January 26, the movie became the highest-grossing film worldwide. 2010, In Nanjing, China, the Zifeng Tower opened. 2022 Do smiled. 

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