Good Morning, Do, Today is Saturday, July 15 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Pennsylvania woman set boyfriend on fire then put out flames with urine Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 15 in 1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ Famous remarks are very seldom quoted correctly. --- Simeon Strunsky (1879 - 1948) If the English language made any sense, a catastrophe would be an apostrophe with fur. --- Doug Larson Love is like an hourglass with the heart filling up as the brain empties. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Two friends went out to play golf and were about to tee off, when one fellow noticed his partner had only one golf ball. "Don't you have at least one other golf ball?" he asked. The other guy replied that he only needed one. "Are you sure?" the friend persisted. "What happens if you lose that ball?" The other guy replied, "This is a very special golf ball. I won't lose it, so I don't need another one." "Well," the friend asked, "what happens if you miss your shot and the ball goes in the lake?" "That's OK," he replied, "this special golf ball floats. I'll be able to retrieve it." "Well what happens if you hit it into the trees and it gets lost among the bushes and shrubs? "The other guy replied, "That's OK, too. You see, this special golf ball has a homing beacon. I'll be able to get it back -- no problem." Exasperated, the friend asks, "OK. Let's say our game goes late, the sun goes down, and you hit your ball into a sand trap. What are you going to do then?" "No problem," says the other guy, "You see, this ball is fluorescent. I'll be able to see it in the dark." Finally satisfied that he needs only the one golf ball, the friend asks, "Hey, where did you get a golf ball like that, anyway?" The other guy replies, "I found it." _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ A young ensign had nearly completed his first overseas tour of sea duty when he was given an opportunity to display his ability at getting the ship under way. With a stream of crisp commands, he had the decks buzzing with men and soon, the ship had left port and was steaming out of the channel. The ensign's efficiency has been remarkable. In fact, the deck was abuzz with talk that he had set a new record for getting a destroyer under way. The ensign glowed at his accomplishment and was not all surprised when another seaman approached him with a message from the captain. He was, however, a bit surprised to find that it was a radio message, and he was even more surprised when he read: "My personal congratulations upon completing your underway preparation exercise according to the book and with amazing speed. In your haste, however, you have overlooked one of the unwritten rules -- To avoid being courtmarshalled and hanged for stealing a capital ship, make sure the captain is aboard before getting under way." ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Leigh Ann Sepelyak, 38, Penn Hills, Pennsylvania Pennsylvania woman set boyfriend on fire then put out flames with urine Leigh Ann Sepelyak, 38, reportedly got into an argument with her boyfriend Grady Spencer III on Saturday evening. Police officers in Penn Hills, Pennsylvania, say that when Spencer fell asleep, Sepelyak doused him with petrol and ignited the fire with a lit cigarette. She then allegedly used a bucket of urine which they had been using as a toilet to put the fire out, Fox8 reports. Spencer was rushed to hospital for treatment after Sepelyak's parents, who live in the same house, heard his screaming. The parents, when they heard screaming and smelled the smoke, helped put him out I think with the same urine and went to the hospital, Penn Hills Police Chief Howard Burton said. They never called the police, the hospital called [us]. Spencer suffered burns on 25% to 35% of his lower body. Sepelyak has now been charged with attempted homicide and arson charges. _________________________________ Tech Support Pits From: Bill Re: Annoying Pop-ups Dear Webby, Dear Webby, Again, an annoying, but not serious problem. When I open a subscribed e-mail from "Gopher Central.com", two pop-ups from "Pulse TV" appear in Firefox. When I contacted their support, they blamed Firefox and suggested that I try Google, Internet explorer, Yahoo or Bing. I like Firefox and don't want to switch. I downloaded two add-ons for Firefox, as suggested on internet searches. Nothing has helped. Also, when I click on a link in "The Straight Dope", Internet Explorer, that I never use, pops-up. I am sure that you will have a solution to these problems. When all else fails, I go to you. Thanks. Bill Dear Bill I UNinstalled Internet Exploder. That helped tremendously. Even Microsoft gave up on it. When a link tries to force Internet Explorer, then you know some hacker is trying to do something sleazy. Honest links don't do that! GopherCentral feeds your address to stuff, that you did not subscribe to, like their video editions and Pulse TV and whatever. I can't recommend them. Since your PopUp problem happens only when you open mail from Gopher Central, the problem is their crap, not your browser's. They are just lying to you and treating you like a gullible idjit. Dump them. I tried them once, many years ago. Luckily I use MailWasher. That sends their stuff to hell without even downloading it or showing it in the list. I really don't give a hoot about whether their stupid PopUps open in hell or not. Not my problem. Whenever I get stuff, that triggers PopUps or anything I did not ask for, I spend 10 15 seconds to make a filter in MailWasher. I never see it again. If you DO want the silly newsletter, that has the PopUps as sleazy payload, try changing your subscription to text instead of HTML. With some newsletters you can do that. I used to have that option, but since I don't use PopUps or any payload, not enough people used that version, so I dumped it. Now you just have Regular Font and Large Font. Have FUN! DearWebby Oliver Wendell Holmes once attended a meeting in which he was the shortest man present. "Dr. Holmes," quipped a friend, "I should think you'd feel rather small among us big fellows." "I do," retorted Holmes. "I feel like a dime among a lot of pennies." | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Ahi Tuna Wrap By 15mhhm15 [185 Posts, 523 Comments] This is a very light, quick and healthy lunch or dinner. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 4 people By 15mhhm15 [185 Posts, 523 Comments] This is a very light, quick and healthy lunch or dinner. Prep Time: 15 minutes Cook Time: 10 minutes Total Time: 25 minutes Yield: 4 people Ahi Tuna Wrap fillings Ingredients: 2 lb ahi tuna 1/2 tsp pink salt 1/2 tsp sugar 2 Tbsp sesame oil 1 tsp black pepper 1 tsp chili with black beans 1/2 yellow onion 5 cloves garlic 3 stem green onion 2 Tbsp olive oil 1 each yellow & red bell pepper 1 tomatoes Steps: Clean the ahi tuna and dice into cubes. In a bowl mix your dried ingredients together - pink salt, sugar, and black pepper. And marinate on top of the ahi tuna. Dice green onions, slice onions and mince garlic. Set the onions and garlic aside on a different plate. Add the diced green onions into the bowl of ahi tuna. Slice bell peppers and tomatoes and set aside on a plate also. Get a small pan and cook tomatoes, bell peppers and some onions for a 2 minutes and set aside. This is for the filling of the wrap. Now in a pan on high heat add olive oil, minced garlic, and yellow onions until sizzling. Add ahi tuna fish, add chili with black bean, sesame oil and using your chopsticks stir fry for about 7 minutes and cover the lid for 3 minutes. Now for your wrap - we used tortilla wrap, shredded lettuce, quinoa which is optional and ketchup and Sriracha, mixed and featuring main ingredient ahi tuna cubes. ____________________________________________________ | | the episode that made us all cry - Goodbye |
____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this one: You Don't have To Own A Cat To Appreciate This One A couple was dressed and ready to go out for the evening. They turned, on a night light, turned the answering machine on the phone line, covered their pet parakeet and put the cat in the backyard. They phoned the local cab company and requested a taxi. The taxi arrived and the couple opened the front door to leave their house. The cat they had put out into the yard scooted back into the house. They didn't want the cat shut in the house because she always tries to eat the bird. The wife goes out to the taxi while the husband goes inside to get the cat. The cat runs upstairs, the man in hot pursuit. Waiting in the cab, the wife doesn't want the driver to know the house will be empty for the night. She explains to the taxi driver that her husband will be out soon "He's just going upstairs to say good-bye to my mother." A few minutes later, the husband gets into the cab. "Sorry I took so long," he says, as they drive away. "Stupid bitch was hiding under the bed. Had to poke her with a wet mop to get her to come out! She tried to take off so I grabbed her by the neck. Then I had to wrap her in a blanket to keep her from scratching me. But it worked. I managed to haul the fat ninny downstairs and throw her out into the back yard!" The cab driver hit a parked car. ___________________________________________________ | | Stolen Beauty of the Chin Girls |
___________________________________________________ Arnold and his wife were cleaning out the attic one day when he came across a ticket from the local shoe repair shop. The date stamped on the ticket showed that it was over eleven years old. They both laughed and tried to remember which of them might have forgotten to pick up a pair of shoes over a decade ago. "Do you think the shoes will still be in the shop?" Arnold asked. "Not very likely," his wife said. "It's worth a try," Arnold said, pocketing the ticket. He went downstairs, hopped into the car, and drove to the store. With a straight face, he handed the ticket to the man behind the counter. With a face just as straight, the man said, "Just a minute. I'll have to look for these." He disappeared into a dark corner at the back of the shop. Two minutes later, the man called out, "Here they are!" "No kidding?" Arnold called back. "That's terrific! Who would have thought they'd still be here after all this time." The man came back to the counter, empty-handed. "They'll be ready Thursday," he said calmly. | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ Little Johnny drew a fly on the class grade book. It looked so realistic, that when Miss Baker saw the fly sitting on the notebook, she slammed it with a ruler. The fly didn't fly away. So she slammed the book once again, again the fly didn't fly away. This drove Miss Baker really mad, so she started to pound the book with the ruler and, as a result, the grade book became a bunch of torn sheets of paper. With the class laughing, she realized what had happened. Then Miss Baker called Little Johnny's father to school. "You see what your son did to our class grade book?" she said. "That's nothing." replied the father. "Last month, he drew a naked woman on the neighbor's fence and they had to pull splinters out of him for six hours straight, down at the hospital." ____________________________________________________ | Today, on July 15, in 1099 Jerusalem fell to the Crusaders. 1410 Poles and Lithuanians defeated the Teutonic knights at Tannenburg, Prussia. 1789 The electors of Paris set up a "Commune" to live without the authority of the government. 1806 Lieutenant Zebulon Pike began his western expedition from Fort Belle Fountaine, near St. Louis, MO. 1813 Napoleon Bonaparte's representatives met with the Allies in Prague to discuss peace terms. 1834 Lord Napier of England arrived in Macao, China as the first chief superintendent of trade. 1885 In New York, the Niagara Reservation State Park opened. 1895 Ex-prime minister of Bulgaria, Stephen Stambulov, was murdered by Macedonian rebels. 1901 Over 74,000 Pittsburgh steel workers went on strike. 1904 The first Buddhist temple in the U.S. was established in Los Angeles, CA. 1916 In Seattle, WA, Pacific Aero Products was incorporated by William Boeing. The company was later renamed Boeing Co. 1918 The Second Battle of the Marne began during WWI. 1942 The first supply flight from India to China over the 'Hump' was carried to help China's war effort. 1958 Five thousand U.S. Marines landed in Beirut, Lebanon, to protect the pro-Western government. The troops withdrew October 25, 1958. 1965 The spacecraft Mariner IV sent back the first close- up pictures of the planet Mars. 1968 Commercial air travel began between the U.S. and the U.S.S.R., when the first plane, a Soviet Aeroflot jet, landed at Kennedy International Airport in New York. 1971 U.S. President Nixon announced he would visit the People's Republic of China to seek a "normalization of relations." 1972 NASA's Pioneer 10 spacecraft became the first to enter the asteroid belt. 1987 Taiwan ended thirty-seven years of martial law. 2006 The social networking service Twitter was launched. 2009 "Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince" was released in theaters in the U.S. It was the sixth movie in the series. 2011 "Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2" was released in theaters in the U.S. and U.K. It was the final film in the Harry Potter series. 2017 Do smiled. |
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