Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, March 12 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida tourist flips golf cart while attempting to run over rooster Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, March 12 in 1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 2013 His successor told the Mooselimbs to get lost or go to hell.  See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Humanity is acquiring all the right technology for all the wrong reasons. --- R. Buckminster Fuller (1895 - 1983) Sound really does travel slower than light. The advice parents give to their 18 year olds doesn't reach them until they're about 40. --- Socratex ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The wise old Mother Superior from county Tipperary was dying. The nuns gathered around her bed trying to make her comfortable. They gave her some warm milk to drink, but she refused it. Then one nun took the glass back to the kitchen. Remembering a bottle of Irish whiskey received as a gift the previous Christmas, she opened and poured a generous amount into the warm milk. Back at Mother Superior's bed, she held the glass to her lips.. Mother drank a little, then a little more. Before they knew it, she had drunk the whole glass down to the last drop. "Mother," the nuns asked with earnest, "Please give us some wisdom before you die." She raised herself up in bed with a pious look on her face and said, "Don't sell that cow." ______________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ An old Jewish woman has been invited to help screen a movie for the rating it'll carry. The movie is an old remake of a Roman Gladiator-type movie. In the middle of the movie is a scene where the Romans are feeding people to the lions. The little old lady hits the buzzer she's been given, which stops the movie. The attendant comes down to her chair and says, "Yes, ma'am?" "This movie should be rated 'R'," she says, "because those Jews are being fed to the lions!" The attendant says, "Ma'am, those are Christians, not Jews." "Oh..... Ok. Well, start the movie up again." A few minutes later she again presses the buzzer. The attendant comes down to her chair. "Yes ma'am?" She points to the screen. "Those lions over there... ...they're not eating!" ______________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Daniel H. Jones, 34, Cinnaminson, N.J.  Florida tourist flips golf cart while attempting to run over rooster  A drunk tourist in the Keys is accused of attempting to commit a fowl crime. Daniel H. Jones, of Cinnaminson, N.J., had a blood-alcohol content over three times the legal limit while erratically driving a golf cart and attempting to run down a rooster in a Key West neighborhood on March 3, according to FL Keys News. He was adamant about trying to hit the rooster, witness Vincent Vurro told FL Keys News. However, Jones, 34, did more damage to himself and his two passengers when he rolled the cart over and ejecting everyone from the vehicle. The rooster jumped onto a sidewalk and avoided injury.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Eve Re: Answer to Large Font on AOL Dear Webby hi saw my webby today and someone needed to change back their fonts ........on aol? On aol's toolbar up top go to "Settings" icon and click it will bring up a page directory for all the aol settings and browser settings, buddy, wallpaper, etc. A to Z! Go to T........for Text and Fonts , click on that and you can change your font size and color everything! ok? Eve  Dear Eve Thanks for sending the solution ! Have FUN! DearWebby    A woman was called to serve for jury duty, but asked to be excused because she didn't believe in capital punishment and didn't want her personal beliefs to prevent the trial from running its proper course. But the public defender liked her thoughtfulness and quiet calm spirit, so he tried to convince her that she was appropriate to serve on the jury. "Madam," he explained, "this is not a murder trial! It's a simple civil lawsuit. A wife is bringing this case against her husband because he gambled away the $12,000 he had promised to use to remodel their kitchen for her birthday." "Well, okay," agreed the woman, "I'll serve. I guess I could be wrong about capital punishment after all." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Use Mismatched Socks for Cleaning By 15mhhm15 [37 Posts, 58 Comments] If you have mismatch socks, socks with holes, or the elastic of your socks is stretched out - you can reuse the socks to clean around your house and car. Just slip your hands in the socks and since the socks have been washed - you can use it as a rag, duster and it is more effective and cleans a lot faster! I especially love waxing the car with socks because it applies the wax nicely and it is easy to maneuver the wax on my car. Other usages: - make sock toys - polish your shoes - clean the white board - and many more things you can do  
  
Bathroom etiquette 
 ____________________________________________________ Groan Alert from Vicky! I hadn't been to a class reunion in decades. When I walked into this latest one, I thought I recognized a wife of a classmate over in the corner, so I approached her and extended my hand in greeting, saying, "You look like Helen Brown." "Well," the woman snapped back, "You don't look so great in blue either!" ___________________________________________________  
  
18 common misconceptions. 
 A hat was passed around a church congregation to take up an offering for the visiting minister. Presently it was returned to him...embarrassingly empty. Slowly the parson inverted the hat and shook it meaningfully. From the back came this comment: "With a sermon THAT long he should be glad he got his hat back!" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today on March 12 1496 Jews were expelled from Syria. It didn't go over well. 1609 The Bermuda Islands became an English colony. 1664 New Jersey became a British colony. King Charles II granted land in the New World to his brother James (The Duke of York). 1755 In North Arlington, NJ, the steam engine was used for the first time in the US. 1789 The U.S. Post Office was established. 1809 Britain signed a treaty with Persia forcing the French to leave the country. 1889 Almon B. Stowger applied for a patent for his automatic telephone system. 1894 Coca-Cola was sold in bottles for the first time. 1903 The Czar of Russia issued a decree providing for nominal freedom of religion throughout his territory. 2013 His successor told the Mooselimbs to get out and/or go to hell. 1905 In Rome, Premier Giovanni Giolli was forced out of office by continued civil strife. 1906 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that corporations must yield incriminating evidence in anti-trust suits. 1909 The British Parliament increased naval appropriations for Britain. 1909 Three U.S. warships were ordered to Nicaragua to stem the conflict with El Salvador. 1911 Dr. Fletcher of Rockefeller Institute discovered the cause of infantile paralysis. 1912 The Girl Scout organization was founded. The original name was Girl Guides. 1923 Dr. Lee DeForest demonstrated phonofilm. It was his technique for putting sound on motion picture film. 1930 Ghandi began his 200-mile march to the sea that symbolized his defiance of British rule over India. 1933 President Paul von Hindenburg dropped the flag of the German Republic and ordered that the swastika and empire banner be flown side by side. 1935 Parimutuel betting became legal in the State of Nebraska. 1938 The "Anschluss" took place as German troops marched into Austria. 1944 Britain barred all travel to Ireland. 1947 U.S. President Truman established the "Truman Doctrine" to help Greece and Turkey resist Communism. 1959 The U.S. House joined the U.S. Senate in approving the statehood of Hawaii. 1966 Bobby Hull, of the Chicago Blackhawks, became the first National Hockey League (NHL) player to score 51 points in a single season. 1974 "Wonder Woman" debuted on ABC-TV. The show later went to CBS-TV. 1984 Lebanese President Gemayel opened the second meeting in five years calling for the end to nine years of war. 1985 The U.S. and the U.S.S.R. began arms control talks in Geneva. 1985 Larry Bird (Boston Celtics) scored a club-record 60 points against the Atlanta Hawks. 1985 Former U.S. President Richard M. Nixon announced that he planned to drop Secret Service protection and hire his own bodyguards in an effort to lower the deficit by $3 million. 1987 "Les Miserables" opened on Broadway. 1989 Prime Minister Sadiq al Mahdi of Sudan formed a new cabinet to end civil war. 1989 About 2,500 veterans and supporters marched at the Art Institute of Chicago to demand that officials remove an American flag placed on the floor as part of an exhibit. 1992 Mauritius became a republic but remained a member of the British Commonwealth. 1993 In the U.S., the Pentagon called for the closure of 31 major military bases. 1993 Janet Reno was sworn in as the first female U.S. attorney general. 1994 A photo by Marmaduke Wetherell of the Loch Ness monster was confirmed to be a hoax. The photo was taken of a toy submarine with a head and neck attached. 1994 The Church of England ordained its first women priests. 1999 Hungary, Poland and the Czech Republic became members of the North Atlantic Treaty Organization (NATO). All three countries were members of the former Warsaw Pact. 2002 Conoco and Phillips Petroleum stockholders approved a proposed merger worth $15.6 billion. 2003 In Utah, Elizabeth Smart was reunited with her family nine months after she was abducted from her home. She had been taken on June 5, 2002, by a drifter, who had previously worked at the Smart home. 2003 The U.S. Air Force announced that it would resume reconnaissance flights off the coast of North Korea. The flights had stopped on March 2 after an encounter with four armed North Korean jets. 2009 It was announced that the Sears Tower in Chicago, IL, would be renamed Willis Tower. 2010 In the U.S., Apple began taking pre-orders for the iPad. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 

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