Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, June 19 ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Man Named Le'Genius Arrested Again ___________________________________________________ History on this day, June 19, in 0240 BC, Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth using two sticks, in metric. And he was right! ___________________________________________________ Doubt is not a pleasant condition, but certainty is absurd. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) ___________________________________________________ The congregation liked their new clergyman, but were somewhat puzzled by his speaking style. His first sermon ran only 8 minutes; the second Sunday he spoke for 45 minutes; the third week he rattled on for an hour-and-a-half. That was enough for the Board to summon him for a little chat. To their relief, the preacher had a ready explanation. "The Saturday before the first sermon, I had my teeth pulled and my mouth was still terribly sore. But, by the time a week had gone by, I'd gotten used to my new dentures." Here the minister paused, and blushed deeply. "And as for last Sunday, well, I'm afraid that I picked up my wife's set of teeth by mistake!" ___________________________________________________ Doug had always been teased by his friends that his wife was more successful than he was. Some even went so far as to insinuate that he was overshadowed by her and henpecked. Doug had a sense of humor and always laughed it off. One day, one of his fiends asked the tiresome question AGAIN, "Who wears the pants in your family?" "I do," replied Doug. Then, after a pause, he added, "I also wash and iron them." ___________________________________________________ >Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Le'Genius Williams, 22, St Petersburg, Florida, USA Man Named Le'Genius Arrested Again Perhaps a name change is in order for Le'Genius Williams. The 22-year-old Floridian--who has already served prison time for attempted murder and robbery--is back behind bars on an assortment of felony gun and drug charges following his arrest Monday night. Police allege that Williams struck his girlfriend in the face with a handgun and then fled the St. Petersburg crime scene in a Chevy driven by another man. Cops performed a pit maneuver to stop the vehicle and then arrested Williams and the driver. A search of the car uncovered a pair of loaded firearms, as well as cocaine and fentanyl, according to a court filing. Seen above, Williams was booked into the county jail for aggravated domestic battery, drug trafficking, narcotics possession, and weapons offenses. He is being held in lieu of $77,000 bond. In 2013, when Williams was 13, he was arrested for shooting a 15-year-old boy. He was subsequently sentenced to eight years in prison for attempted murder (as well as an unrelated robbery charge). Five months after his release from state prison in late- 2020, Williams was arrested for cocaine possession, driving without a license, and illegally possessing a handgun (he was freed last February on $12,000 bond). The 2021 case is pending and a judge this week revoked Williamss bond in light of his latest arres. ___________________________________________________ A real-estate agent was driving around with a new trainee when she spotted a charming little farmhouse with a hand- lettered "For Sale" sign out front. After briskly introducing herself and her associate to the startled occupant, the agent cruised from room to room, opening closets and cupboards, testing faucets and pointing out where a "new light fixture here and a little paint there" would help. Pleased with her assertiveness, the woman was hopeful that the owner would offer her the listing. "Ma'am," the man said, "I appreciate the home-improvement tips and all, but I think you read my sign wrong. It says, "HORSE for sale." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ >From Bonnie I have the most marvelous recipe for meat loaf! All I have to do is mention it to my husband and he says, "Let's eat out!" ____________________________________________________  Laura ___________________________________________________ Today, Japan leads the world in condom use and they are sold door to door by women. Every year, 11,000 Americans injure themselves while trying out bizarre sexual positions. ____________________________________________________  A pulsar roughly 27,000 light-years away is pirouetting rapidly while munching on a nearby companion. The object is scooping off material from a stellar companion while whizzing at 316.5 rotations a second. The pulsar goes by two names PSR J1717+4307A and M92A and was found using China's Five-hundred-meter Aperture Spherical Telescope (FAST). ___________________________________________________ DeaWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Steve Re: Humor Archive Dear Webby I'm curious as to what happened to the old issues of the Humor Letter. I get up around 4:00 and sometimes the day's letter hasn't been listed, and with my dial up internet I can't always get to it later in the day and I miss it. The other day I couldn't get the whole Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders picture to load and ended up missing it. \\|||// ( @ @ ) STEVE _ooO_(_)_Ooo__________________________________ |______|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____| |___|____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|_____|____| Dear Steve The archive did not have enough visitors to justify the expense. And nobody clicked on any of the ads. And the donations did not cover the expense. So I decided to save myself a half hour of work per day, and dumped the archive. You can upgrade from Ho'mail to Gmail.com. It is free, and it archives on the cloud, not on your computer. You can make a filter to put everything with a subject line starting with "Humor: " into a Humor Letter archive. That way you don't have to get up early or sleep in later. It will get automatically saved for you, Tou don't have to give up Ho'mail. Just get a Gmail on the side for important stuff. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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________________________________________________ The following statements about the bible were written by children. They have not been retouched or corrected (i.e., incorrect spelling has been left in). In the first book of the bible, Guinessis, God got tired of creating the world, so he took the Sabbath off Adam and Eve were created from an apple tree. Noah's wife was called Joan of Ark. Noah built an ark, which the animals come on to in pears. Lot's wife was a pillar of salt by day, but a ball of fire by night. Christians have only one spouse. This is called monotony. Samson was a strongman who let himself be led astray by a Jezebel like Delilah. Samson slayed the Philistines with the axe of the Apostles. Moses led the hebrews to the Red Sea, where they made unleavened bread which is bread without any ingredients. The Egyptians were all drowned in the dessert. Afterwards, Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten ammendments. The first commandment was when Eve told adam to eat the apple. The seventh commandment is thou shalt not admit adultery. Moses died before he ever reached Canada. Then Joshua led the hebrews in the battle of Geritol. The greatest miracle in the Bible is when Joshua told his son to stand still and he obeyed him. David was a hebrew king skilled at playing the liar. he fought with the Finklesteins, a race of people who lived in Biblical times. Solomon, one of David's sons, had 300 wives and 700 porcupines. When Mary heard that she was the mother of Jesus, she sang the Magna Carta. When the three wise guys from the east side arrived, they found Jesus in the manager. Jesus was born because Mary had an immaculate contraption. St. John the blacksmith dumped water on his head. Jesus enunciated the Golden Rule, which says to do one to others before they do one to you. He also explained, "a man doth not live by sweat alone." It was a miracle when Jesus rose from the dead and managed to get the tombstone off the entrance. The people who followed the lord were called the 12 decibels. The epistles were the wives of the apostles. One of the oppossums was St. Matthew who was also a taximan. St. Paul cavorted to Christianity. He preached holy acrimony, which is another name for marriage. __________________________________________ Chandler wasn't too happy with his doctor's recommendation to cure his constant fatigue. "You want me to give up sex completely, Doc?" he cried. "I'm a young guy. I'm in the prime of my life. How do you expect me to give up sex and go cold turkey?" "Well," replied the doctor, "you could get married and taper off gradually." _______________________________________________  Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
Today, June 19, in 0240 BC, Eratosthenes estimated the circumference of the Earth using two sticks, in metric. And he was right! 1586, English colonists sailed away from Roanoke Island, NC, after failing to establish England's first permanent settlement in America. 1778, U.S. General George Washington's troops finally left Valley Forge after a winter of training. 1821, The Ottomans defeated the Greeks at the Battle of Dragasani. 1846, The New York Knickerbocker Club played the New York Club in the first baseball game at the Elysian Field, Hoboken, NJ. It was the first organized baseball game. 1862, U.S. President Abraham Lincoln outlined his Emancipation Proclamation, which outlawed slavery in U.S. territories. 1864, The USS Kearsarge sank the CSS Alabama off of Cherbourg, France. 1865, The emancipation of slaves was proclaimed in Texas. 1873, Eadweard Muybridge successfully photographed a horse named "Sallie Gardner" in fast motion using a series of 24 stereoscopic cameras. This is considered the first step toward motion pictures. 1903, The young school teacher, Benito Mussolini, was placed under investigation by police in Bern, Switzerland. 1910, The first Father's Day was celebrated in Spokane, Washington. 1911, In Pennsylvania, the first motion-picture censorship board was established. 1912, The U.S. government established the 8-hour work day. 1917, During World War I, King George V ordered the British royal family to dispense with German titles and surnames. 1933, France granted Leon Trotsky political asylum. 1934, The U.S. Congress established the Federal Communications Commission (FCC). The commission was to regulate radio and TV broadcasting. 1937, The town of Bilbao, Spain, fell to the Nationalist forces. 1939, In Atlanta, GA, legislation was enacted that disallowed pinball machines in the city. 1942, Norma Jeane Mortenson (Marilyn Monroe) and her 21- year-old neighbor Jimmy Dougherty were married. They were divorced in June of 1946. 1942, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill arrived in Washington, DC, to discuss the invasion of North Africa with U.S. President Roosevelt. 1943, Henry Kissinger became a naturalized United States citizen. 1944, The U.S. won the battle of the Philippine Sea against the Imperial Japanese fleet. 1951, U.S. President Harry S. Truman signed the Universal Military Training and Service Act, which extended Selective Service until July 1, 1955 and lowered the draft age to 18. 1958, In Washington, DC, nine entertainers refused to answer a congressional committee's questions on communism. 1961, Kuwait regained complete independence from Britain. 1961, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a provision in Maryland's constitution that required state officeholders to profess a belief in God. 1964, The Civil Rights Act of 1964 was approved after surviving an 83-day filibuster in the U.S. Senate. 1965, Air Marshall Nguyen Cao Ky became South Vietnam's youngest premier at age 34. 1968, 50,000 people marched on Washington, DC. to support the Poor People's Campaign. 1973, The Case-Church Amendment prevented further U.S. involvement in Southeast Asia. 2022 Do! smiled. |
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