Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, February 5 Have FUN! DearWebby Todays Bonehead Award: Mom Claimed Daughter Was Kidnapped So Cops Would Find Her Car faster Details at  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, February 5 in 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British.  See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Historians are like deaf people who go on answering questions that no one has asked them. --- Leo Tolstoy Conceit is God's gift to little men. --- Bruce Barton Our great democracies still tend to think that a stupid man is more likely to be honest than a clever man. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ David filled his car with gas at a self-service gas station. After he had paid and driven away, he realized that he had left the gas cap on top of his car. He stopped and looked and, sure enough, it was lost. Well, he thought for a second and realized that other people must have done the same thing, and that it was worth going back to look by the side of the road since even if he couldn't find his own gas cap, he might be able to find one that fit. Sure enough, he hadn't been searching long when he found a gas cap. He tried it on, and it went into place with a satisfying click. "Great," David thought, "I lost my gas cap, but I found another one that fits. And this one's even better because it locks." ______________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ >From Corinne I believe my young daughter wants a pair of glasses. I don't know why she does. Perhaps glasses are now "cool" to have in school? But though she sees just fine, she still says she needs glasses. I took her to the eye doctor just to check it out though. She was asked to read the bottom row of letters on the eye chart. She said, "All right, I can see the 'O' and the 'P' and the 'T,' but not the 'N' and the 'Z.'" ______________________________________________________   >From FB ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Jessica Pickett, 22, Columbus, Ohio  Mom Claimed Daughter Was Kidnapped So Cops Would Find Her Car faster  A woman in Columbus, Ohio, is facing charges for allegedly filing a false report of a missing child just so officers would find her stolen car faster. On Monday morning, Jessica Picketts 2004 silver Chevy Impala was stolen in front of her home while she was warming it up. She told police that she put her 4-year-old daughter into the car and went back into her home to get another kid. When she came back out, the vehicle was missing, according to WSAZ TV. Authorities issued an Amber Alert in Central Ohio to find the missing girl. The car was found about a mile away from where it was stolen, but no child was inside, according to WBNS TV. Bradley Stroud, 22, was charged with grand theft auto, but the girl wasnt found until the 911 dispatcher got a call saying she was at her aunts house, according to WCMH TV. Columbus Police Sergeant Terry McConnell told the station that investigators determined she had been with the aunt since Sunday, long before the car was stolen. Officers questioned Pickett who allegedly admitted reporting that her daughter was missing so police would prioritize finding her car, according to WBNS TV. Pickett was charged with misdemeanor falsification and was issued a summons to appear in court. Her children are now in the custody of Franklin County Child Services, according to the station. Stroud appeared in court Tuesday and the judge set his bond at $50,000.  ______________________________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Angel Re: Avoiding raw directory listing Dear Webby How do I hide the raw directory listing that shows up on folders on my web site, that have only pictures in them? Angel  Dear Angel Just upload any page that is named "index.html". Then that page will be the default page. You can put a prayer or picture of a church onto that page, and nobody will have a clue what kind of sexy prayer and poultry pictures lurk beneath. Have FUN! DearWebby    >From Irene My husband's uncle thought he had conquered his problem of trying to remember his wife's birthday and, also, their anniversary. He opened an account with a florist, provided that florist with the dates and instructions to send flowers to his wife on these dates along with an appropriate note signed, "Your loving husband." His wife was thrilled by this new display of attention and all went well until one day, some bouquets later, when he came home, kissed his wife and said offhandedly, "Nice flowers, honey. Where'd you get them?" ----------- He should have used  MyMemorizer It is free and sends emails and even texts messages same day, and any number of days you set prior to any event or appointment. You can even set the time of day for it to text an alert to you. I have used it for many years and it has never let me down. 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Fruity Pudding By katrine2706 I never knew how to make pudding until my sister-in-law gave me several packs of pudding mix from Germany. I had wondered how to cook it, but never really knew how, since the package directions are written in German. I didn't have the time to google search recipes, so I tried my best to make use of the pudding mix in my own way. The result looked and taste just like our traditional desert called "maja blanca". It tasted better than I expected. Ingredients: 1 can (300 gram) fruit cocktail, drained 1 pack vanilla pudding mix 1 can (270 ml) evaporated milk 1 cup water 1/4 cup sugar 1/3 cup grated cheese Steps: Mix milk, water and sugar together. Stir until sugar is dissolved. Divide the mixture into two. Use one part of the milk mixture to dilute 1 pack of vanilla pudding mix. Simmer the other part of milk mixture over medium heat. Continue stirring until desired consistency is achieved. Pour into container or you can use gelatine mold. Allow to cool for about 3 minutes. Stir the mixture until thick. Add in half of the fruit cocktail. Set aside the remaining half for the top. Top your pudding with remaining fruit cocktail and grated cheese. Chill in the refrigerator for 3-4 hours (do not put in the freezer). Serve.   
  
She wants R-E-S-P-E-C-T-! 
 ____________________________________________________ Once the club duffer challenged the local golf pro to a match, with a $100 bet on the side. "But," said the duffer, "since you're obviously much better than I, to even it a bit you have to spot me two 'gotchas'." The golf pro didn't know what a 'gotcha' was, but he went along with it. And off they went. Coming back to the 19th hole, the rest of the club members were amazed to see the golf pro paying the duffer $100. "What happened?" asked one of the members. "Well," said the pro, "I was teeing up for the first hole, and as I brought the club down, that jerk stuck his hand between my legs and grabbed my balls... then yelled 'Gotcha!' Have you ever tried to play 18 holes of golf, never knowing when or what the second 'gotcha' would be?" ___________________________________________________  
  
 People Are Awesome! Best of the Month for January 2017. 
 COMPROMISE: An amiable arrangement between husband and wife whereby they agree to let her have her own way. 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's News
 No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today on February 5 1782 The Spanish captured Minorca from the British. 1783 Sweden recognized the independence of the United States. 1861 Samuel Goodale patented the moving picture peep show machine. 1885 Congo State was established under Leopold II of Belgium, as a personal possession. 1881 Phoenix, AZ, was incorporated. 1917 Mexico's constitution was adopted. 1917 The U.S. Congress passed the Immigration Act of 1917 (Asiatic Barred Zone Act) with an overwhelming majority. The action overrode President Woodrow Wilson's December 14, 1916 veto. 1924 The BBC time signals, or "pips", from Greenwich Observatory were heard for the first time. They are broadcast every hour. 1952 In New York City, four signs were installed at 44th Street and Broadway in Times Square that told pedestrians "don't walk." 1958 Gamel Abdel Nasser was formally nominated to become the first president of the United Arab Republic. 1962 French President Charles De Gaulle called for Algeria's independence. 1982 Great Britain imposed economic sanctions against Poland and Russia in protest against martial law in Poland. 1988 A pair of indictments were unsealed in Florida, accusing Panama's military leader, Gen. Manuel Antonio Noriega, of bribery and drug trafficking. 1994 White separatist Byron De La Beckwith was convicted in Jackson, MS, of the 1963 murder of civil rights leader Medgar Evers. 1997 Switzerland's "Big Three" banks announced they would create a $71 million fund for Holocaust victims and their families. 1997 Investment bank Morgan Stanley announced a $10 billion merger with Dean Witter. 1999 Mike Tyson was sentenced to a year in jail for assaulting two people after a car accident on August 31, 1998. Tyson was also fined $5,000, had to serve 2 years of probation, and had to perform 200 hours of community service upon release. 2001 Tom Cruise and Nicole Kidman announced their separation. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 

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