Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, January 19 Thank You, Virginia!! ___________________________________________________ Today, January 19 in  1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25 seconds.  ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
   
 Today's Bonehead Award:  Chicago Rev ripped off at least 1 M from Children's Food program  __________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ In all affairs it's a healthy thing now and then to hang a question mark on the things you have long taken for granted. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) _____________________________________________ Little Johnny comes home from school with his report card which has all D's and F's. His parents start lecturing him, and Johnny explains that everyone in his class did poorly, not just him. "But what about David down the street," they said, "he brought home all A's and B's" "Well, David is different," Johnny explained. "How so?" his father asked. "Because his parents are smart!" ________________________________________________`   ____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Rev Clarence Smith, Chicago  Chicago Rev ripped off at least 1 M from Children's Food program  A Chicago pastor has been charged with stealing hundreds of thousands of dollars from a food program that feeds needy children. In an eight-page indictment, federal prosecutors outlined a case against Clarence Smith. They said he fraudulently received more than $900,000 through the New Life Community Ministries from the Illinois State Board of Education. The money was administered by the Board of Education for a federally-funded food program. According to the indictment, Smith allegedly took the money but was not following through in providing meals to poor children at Smith's North Lawndale church. Some neighbors said Smith's mission seemed true years ago, but they wondered what was going on recently. "He was coming around in Jordans and Bentleys and new cars, and I'm like, wait a minute, pastors don't do that," said Ravin Cosey, a North Lawndale resident. "It is so infuriating," said Shameka Turner, who is part of the Residents Association of the West Side. Turner had never heard of Smith, but saw Friday's headlines. "I feel like there are a lot of people who get funded who say they are helping us but in actuality they are not," she said. Reverend Smith spoke with ABC7 by phone Friday and later offered a statement, saying in part, "I totally deny any and all allegations of fraud. I've served the community for years and will let this play out in court." Late Friday the Illinois State Board of Education confirmed that New Life Community Ministries was terminated in 2016 for not providing records of meals claimed. At the time, ISBE claimed the organization owed the state $3.3 million dollars. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Richard Re: Babelfish  Dear Webby Team, Im writing because you cite Babelfish.com in this post on Webby. At Digital.com, we've published a "long read" on the rise and fall of Altavista's Babel Fish, which I thought make a useful addition. It covers everything from the birth of the first online translator (and the geek-friendly name!) through to its demise at the hands of Google Translate. You'll find the article here:- https://digital.com/about/babel-fish/ Would you consider citing our link alongside the existing Babelfish reference, please? I think this article would keep your content current and Webby readers. readers happy - love to hear what you think. Either way, thank you for your time and consideration. Best wishes, Richard Digital.com  Dear Richard That link to Babelfish.com still works, but your story is quite interesting anyway. I have used the Babelfish for many decades, and of course, I have read "The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy" in the 80s. I even remember the lady, who gave it to me! Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
 A State Police Officer exited the freeway near one of those chicken restaurants and noticed that a customer had left a bucket of chicken on top of his car and was driving out of the parking lot. The officer decided to pull him over and perform a community service by giving the driver his chicken. So, he pulled him over, walked up to the car, pulled the bucket off the roof and offered it to the driver. The driver says, "No thanks, I just bought some." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Stress Free Holiday Baking I am in my 60s, and have been baking since I can remember. Every holiday season, I churn out many dozens of cookies for gifts for neighbors, friends and relatives. People ask for certain types every year. My biggest tip is to make your cookie doughs ahead of time and freeze them or chill them in labeled zip top bags. Make multiple doughs on the same day in your stand mixer-wipe out bowl between different doughs and keep going. This saves lots of cleanup. Yes, you'll have a big bowl and lots of measuring cups, zesters and spoons to wash, but just once. When the doughs are done, pick a "bake off day". Let each dough become malleable outside the fridge, and start scooping or rolling. Your only cleanup could end up being a single cookie scoop, especially if you bake on parchment. Happy baking! By Virginia W.ikellis1952@yahoo.com|Mike|HuMorL2 Ding1 humor2 01182020  Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
9 Scariest and Most Dangerous Bridges in the World 
 ___________________________________________________ A mother was trying to get her son to eat spinach (which he hated). He absolutely refused to eat it! So, thinking she would substitute another green vegetable that was just as nutritious, she served her son asparagus. When her son looked at his plate, he gasped in fright "Oh, no, spinach legs!" ___________________________________________________ The teacher asked her class what each wanted to become when they grew up. A chorus of responses came from all over the room. "A football player," "A doctor," "An astronaut," "The president," "A fireman," "A teacher," "A race car driver." Everyone that is, except Tommy. The teacher noticed he was sitting there quiet and still. So she said to him, "Tommy, what do you want to be when you grow up?" "Possible" Tommy replied. "Possible?" asked the teacher. "Yes," Tommy said. "My mom is always telling me I'm impossible. So when I get to be big, I want to be possible." ___________________________________________________ An American diplomat was speaking to a large crowd at a public meeting in Abidjan, Ivory Coast, Africa. Out of respect for the audience, and for the interpreter, he spoke slowly. He also told some jokes, likewise very slowly. After each joke, he was amazed how the translator used only a few words to make the crowd roar with laughter. Afterwards the diplomat asked the interpreter, "How did you manage to tell each joke so rapidly?" "Oh, it's easy," said the interpreter. "I just said, 'He told a joke. Laugh!'" __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ___________________________________________________  
 Today January 19 in 1419 Rouen surrendered to Henry V, completing his conquest of Normandy. 1793 King Louis XVI was tried by the French Convention, found guilty of treason and sentenced to the guillotine. 1825 Ezra Daggett and Thomas Kensett of New York City patented a canning process to preserve salmon, oysters and lobsters. 1883 Thomas Edison's first village electric lighting system using overhead wires began operation in Roselle, NJ. 1915 George Claude, of Paris, France, patented the neon discharge tube for use in advertising signs. 1915 More than 20 people were killed when German zeppelins bombed England for the first time. The bombs were dropped on Great Yarmouth and King's Lynn. 1937 Howard Hughes set a transcontinental air record. He flew from Los Angeles to New York City in 7 hours, 28 minutes and 25 seconds. 1942 The Japanese invaded Burma (later Myanmar). 1944 The U.S. federal government relinquished control of the nation's railroads after the settlement of a wage dispute. 1949 The salary of the President of the United States was increased from $75,000 to $100,000 with an additional $50,000 expense allowance for each year in office. 1953 Sixty-eight percent of all TV sets in the U.S. were tuned to CBS-TV, as Lucy Ricardo, of "I Love Lucy," gave birth to a baby boy. 1955 U.S. President Eisenhower allowed a filmed news conference to be used on television (and in movie newsreels) for the first time. 1957 Philadelphia comedian, Ernie Kovacs, did a half-hour TV show without saying a single word of dialogue. 1966 Indira Gandhi was elected prime minister of India. 1969 In protest against the Russian invasion of 1968, Czech student Jan Palach set himself on fire in Prague's Wenceslas Square. 1971 At the Charles Manson murder trial, the Beatles' "Helter Skelter" was played. At the scene of one of his gruesome murders, the words "helter skelter" were written on a mirror. 1977 U.S. President Ford pardoned Iva Toguri D'Aquino (the "Tokyo Rose"). 1979 Former U.S. Attorney General John N. Mitchell was released on parole after serving 19 months at a federal prison in Alabama. 1981 The U.S. and Iran signed an agreement paving the way for the release of 52 Americans held hostage for more than 14 months and for arrangements to unfreeze Iranian assets and to resolve all claims against Iran. 1983 China announced that it was bannning 1983 purchases of cotton, soybeans and chemical fibers from the United States. 1993 IBM announced a loss of $4.97 billion for 1992. It was the largest single-year loss in U.S. corporate history. 1995 Russian forces overwhelmed the resistance forces in Chechnya. 1996 U.S. first lady Hillary Rodham Clinton was subpoenaed to appear before a federal grand jury. The investigation was concerning the discovery of billing records related to the Whitewater real estate investment venture. 1997 Yasser Arafat returned to Hebron for the first time in more than 30 years. He joined 60,000 Palestinians in celebration over the handover of the last West Bank city in Israeli control. 2001 Texas officials demoted a warden and suspended three other prison workers in the wake of the escape of the "Texas 7." 2006 NASA's New Horizons spacecraft was launched. The mission was the first to investigate Pluto. 2013 In Scottsdale, AZ, the original Batmobile for the TV series "Batman" sold at auction for $4.6 million. It was the first of six Batmobiles produced for the show. 2019 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog