Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, May 11 ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Tucson woman arrested for deliberately running over couple, killing 79-year-old man __________________________________________________ On May 11 in 1998, India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a global ban on nuclear testing. _____________________________________________________ Guns don't kill people. People who say "Guns don't kill people" kill people. With guns. --- Rob Delaney Hegel was right when he said that we learn from history that man can never learn anything from history. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856 - 1950) Nobody knows the age of the human race, but everybody agrees that it is old enough to know better. --- Socratex ____________________________________________________ An old man goes to the Wizard to ask him if he can remove a "Curse" he has been living with for the last 40 years. The Wizard says "maybe, but you will have to tell me the exact words that were used to put the curse on you." The old man says without hesitation "'I now pronounce you man and wife'". ___________________________________________________ if you can spare a coin, please hit paypal with it! ___________________________________________________ Mullany arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was already homesick. "No," replied the Mullany. "I've lost all me luggage!" "How'd that happen?" "The cork fell out!" ____________________________________________________   San Boldo, Italy ___________________________________________________ DIET: It's something most of us do religiously: We eat what we want and pray we don't gain weight. ____________________________________________________ When Columbus came to America, there were no taxes, no debts, and no pollution. The women did all the work while the men hunted or fished all day. Ever since then, a bunch of do-gooders have been trying to "improve" the place. --- Sitting Bull ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  (Not her first Bonehead Award) Elaine Boone, 20, Tucson, Arizona, USA  Tucson woman arrested for deliberately running over couple, killing 79-year-old man  Police in southern Arizona arrested a woman suspected of running over a couple with her car during an argument. "Officers learned that there was a confrontation in the parking lot. During the confrontation, the suspect struck the male and female victim with a vehicle before leaving the area on foot," says Sgt. Gradillas with the Tucson Police Department. 79-year-old Anthony Ames died from his injuries about a week later, and the other victim was seriously hurt. Detectives identified 20-year old Elaine Boone as the suspect and on April 5, she was booked into jail on multiple charges including second-degree homicide and assault. She also had two outstanding warrants.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Olga Re: Best font Dear Webby I am writing a new eBook. Mom told me the last one was OK, but the quaint oldfashioned font killed it, and that nobody read it to the end, not even her. She told me to use a font like you use. She dives into your newsletter as soon as she turns her machine on. What do you use? Olga  Dear Olga Once upon a time, long, long ago, Microsoft didn't hate us yet, and tried to give us good things. Then, before Windows, they spent big money to have some great font smiths create Arial. I fell in love with it and still use it. Tahoma is almost as good. If you are cramped for space, for example to put a caption into a funny picture, use Tunga. It is still readable when squished. As a writer, hose three are all you need to know. Have FUN! DearWebby ______________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________ ================= Since we use your Humor letter in our English class it is not such a boring and difficult class any more. Before the teacher started printing the Humor Letter every day, English was like a mathematical puzzle with new rules every day. Now it is fun. Thank you very much ======Ricardo====== ______________________________________________ When I was working in the Piggly Wiggly all those years ago, I noticed the sexy little blonde who dashed into the store to pick up a few items. She marched right to my "Express Lane". I was on the phone doing a price check. In a huff, blondie said, "Excuse me, I'm in a hurry. Could you check me out?" Without missing a beat, I looked her up and down, and said, "Hmmm. Not bad." ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 One day, an young lady is walking through a park when she hears a faint "help me, help me". She looks around and follows the quiet voice to a bush near the path. Looking under the bush she spies a little green frog trapped under a log. The girl moves the log and picks up the frog. "Oh, thank you, thank you" says the frog, "Take me home and put me on your pillow and in the morning I'll be a handsome Prince." So the girl takes the frog home and puts him on the pillow and there in the morning is a handsome young guy. Do, do you believe that? Her mother didn't either. ___________________________________________________  
 Today, May 11, in 0330, Constantinople, previously the town of Byzantium, was founded. 1573, Henry of Anjou became the first elected king of Poland. 1647, Peter Stuyvesant arrived in New Amsterdam to become governor. 1689, French and English naval battle takes place at Bantry Bay. 1745, French forces defeat an Anglo-Dutch-Hanoverian army at Fontenoy. 1792, The Columbia River was discovered by Captain Robert Gray. 1812, British prime Minster Spencer Perceval was shot by a bankrupt banker in the lobby of the House of Commons. 1816, The American Bible Society was formed in New York City. 1857, Indian mutineers seized Delhi from the British. 1860, Giuseppe Garibaldi landed at Marsala, Sicily. 1889, Major Joseph Washington Wham takes charge of $28,000 in gold and silver to pay troops at various points in the Arizona Territory. The money was stolen in a train robbery. 1894, Workers at the Pullman Palace Car Company in Illinois went on strike. 1910, Glacier National Park in Montana was established. 1927, The Academy of Motion Picture Arts and Sciences was founded. 1934, A severe two-day dust storm stripped the topsoil from the great plains of the U.S. and created a "Dust Bowl." The storm was one of many. 1944, A major offensive was launched by the allied forces in central Italy. 1947, The creation of the tubeless tire was announced by the B.F. Goodrich Company. 1949, Siam changed its name to Thailand. 1960, Israeli soldiers captured Adolf Eichmann in Buenos Aires. 1967, The siege of Khe Sanh ended. 1995, The Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty was extended indefinitely. The treaty limited the spread of nuclear material for military purposes. 1997, Garry Kasparov, world chess champion, lost his first ever multi-game match. He lost to IBM's chess computer Deep Blue. It was the first time a computer had beaten a world- champion player. 1998, India conducted its first underground nuclear tests, three of them, in 24 years. The tests were in violation of a global ban on nuclear testing. 1998, A French mint produced the first coins of Europe's single currency. The coin is known as the euro. 2000, India's population officially reached 1 billion. 2001, U.S. Attorney General John Ashcroft announced his decision to approve a 30-day delay of the execution of convicted Oklahoma City bomber Timothy McVeigh. McVeigh had been scheduled to be executed on May 16, 2001. The delay was because the Federal Bureau of Investigation (FBI) had failed to disclose thousands of documents to McVeigh's defense team. (Oklahoma) 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!