Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, September 17 _____________________________________________________ Today, September 17 in  1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: "Captain America" Caught Trying To Burglarize Mississippi Property  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ My favorite animal is steak. --- Fran Lebowitz (1950 - ) _______________________________________________ Sam and Ruth from Maine had just bought a new car when winter hit with all its fury. "I wonder if the car has seat warmers," Ruth wondered. "It sure does," said Sam, looking through the owner's manual. "Here it is...rear defrosters." ________________________________________________`   STEVE over Manitoba ____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________     An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  David Hobbs, 36, Clarksdale, Mississippi  "Captain America" Caught Trying To Burglarize Mississippi Property,  A man wearing a Captain America costume was arrested for burglary after a Mississippi homeowner caught the phony superhero breaking into a shed on his property, cops report. David Hobbs, 36, was collared early Monday morning as he allegedly tried to use a pipe to break into a shed at the rear of a residence in the city of Clarksdale. Hobbs was thwarted when an alarm alerted the homeowner to the attempted 3 AM burglary. The victim held Hobbs at gunpoint until police arrived. For some unknown reason, Hobbs was wearing a Captain America costume, complete with mask. His outfit also included fairy wings, apparently for a quick getaway. Hobbs, sans costume, is locked up in the Coahoma County jail on $25,000 bond. As seen above, Clarksdale cops photographed the handcuffed Hobbs while he sat on a bench in police headquarters. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Darlene Re: Blacklist  Dear Webby, My mail download has really slowed down. Gramma told me I should get rid of my blacklist, but couldn't give me any reason other than "Dear Webby said so!" What's the story with the blacklist? Darlene  Dear Darlene. Gramma is right. The blacklist should either not be used at all, or very sparingly for very few select people, like ex spouses or stalkers. Don't use it for spammers, and make sure your filters don't automatically blacklist spam that they have caught. If spam has already been caught by a filter, there is absolutely no point in cluttering up the blacklist with it. If you are using MailWasher, you can age off spam in a day or for example three days. If there is no spam from an address in that period, then that address is weeded out. Except for forging your address as the sender, spammers usually don't use the same sender address twice. The blacklist won't help you there. It is best to either dump it, or age it off, and then just use it for stalkers and exes. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
 Father: (at hospital looking through glass at newly arrived babies) "Kitchy kitchy koo. Look, she smiled... isn't she adorable?" Friend: "But your kid didn't smile." Father: "I was talking about the nurse." 
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 A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said: "I don't like the looks of your wife at all." "Me either doc." said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good with the kids." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com font color="#009990"> Replacing Wax Toilet Rings If you see water forming around your toilet, you probably have a damaged wax toilet ring, which creates a seal between your toilet and the sewer pipe (toilet flange). The wax ring is very easy to replace and will save you the nightmare of having to replace soggy subflooring down the road. thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
B-2 stealth bomber flies just 60 feet above impressed plane spotters' heads 
 ___________________________________________________ A painter, whitewashing the inner walls of a country outhouse, had the misfortune to fall through the opening and land in the muck at the bottom. He shouted, "Fire! Fire! Fire!" at the top of his lungs. The local fire department responded with alacrity, sirens blaring as they approached the privy. "Where's the fire?" called the chief. "No fire," replied the painter as they pulled him out of the hole. "But if I had yelled about what is down here, would you have rescued me?" ___________________________________________________ While carpenters were working outside the old house a woman had just bought, she busied myself with indoor cleaning. She had just finished washing the floor when one of the workmen asked to use the bathroom. With dismay she looked from his muddy boots to her newly scrubbed floors. "Just a minute," She said, thinking of a quick solution. "I'll put down some newspapers." "That's all right, lady," he responded. "I'm already house trained." ___________________________________________________ Joe sets Jim up to go on a blind date with a friend of his. But Jim is a little worried about going out with someone he's never seen before. "What do I do if she's ugly and scary?" says Jim, "I'll be stuck with her all night." "Don't worry," Joe says, "just go up to her door and meet her first. If you like what you see, then everything goes as planned. If you don't just shout 'Aaaaaauuuggghhh!' and fake an asthma attack." So that night, Jim knocks at the girl's door and when she comes out he is awe-struck at how beautiful and sexy she is. He's about to speak when the girl suddenly shouts: "Aaaaaauuuggghhh!" __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, September 17 in 1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled all Jews from France. 1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to both armies. 1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler system. 1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to Pasadena, CA. 1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached 276.27 mph over a half mile. 1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated. 1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was behind German lines in the Netherlands. 1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA, successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born. 1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A. Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV. 1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black woman to be crowned Miss America. 1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami, FL. It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S. His fortune was $4.1 billion. 1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 1991 The United Nations General Assembly opened its 46th session. The new members were Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, North and South Korea, Micronesia and the Marshall Islands. 1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran-Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being taken over by China in 1997. 1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace talks. It was the first time that all of the major players had come together. 1998 The United States government offered a reward for the capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the U.S. embassy bombing in Kenya on August 7, 1998. 1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7, 1998. 2019 Do smiled.