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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, February 1, in 1862, "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: Accused Sinaloa cartel top operative Felipe Cabrera Sarabia trying to avoid more jail time __________________________________________________ Q One doesn't have a sense of humor. It has you. --- Larry Gelbart ________________________________________________ A golfer is in a competitive match with a friend, who is ahead by a couple of strokes. The golfer says to himself, "I'd give anything to sink this next putt." A stranger walks up to him and whispers, "Would you give up a fourth of your sex life?" The golfer thinks the man is crazy and that his answer will be meaningless. At the same time he thinks this might be a good omen, so he says, "Okay," and sinks the putt. Two holes later he mumbles to himself, "Boy, if I could only get an eagle on this hole." The same stranger moves to his side and says, "Would it be worth another fourth of your sex life?" The golfer shrugs and says, "Sure.", and he makes an eagle. On the final hole, the golfer needs yet another eagle to win. Though he says nothing, the stranger moves to his side and says, "Would you be willing to give up the rest of your sex life to win this match?" The golfer says, "Certainly!", and again he makes an eagle. As the golfer walks to the club house, the stranger walks alongside and says, "You know, I've really not been fair with you because you don't know who I am. I'm the devil, and from now on you will have no sex life." "Well," says the golfer. " I'm Father O'Malley, the Father O'Malley, who lost his sexual equipment in the Vietnam war." __________________________________________________ He said... "This coffee isn't fit for a pig!" She said..."No problem, I'll get you some that is." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by  Felipe Cabrera, 51, Chicago, Illinois, USA Accused Sinaloa cartel top operative Felipe Cabrera Sarabia trying to avoid more jail time An accused top operative for the Sinaloa drug cartel, that still controls a majority of cocaine and heroin sold in Chicago, is drawing up legal plans to get out of prison. Felipe Cabrera Sarabia is also known as the "Engineer," a nickname he supposedly got because of his knack for engineering covert drug routes using planes, trains, trucks and even submarines. The I-Team has learned that even as Chicago prosecutors continue to file secret sealed motions in the lingering El Chapo case, the "Engineer" is working on legal plans to get out of prison. But the 51-year-old's bid for freedom may involve more brain power than fire power. Sarabia claims to be a cattle rancher and not a cocaine kingpin, but according to prosecutors in a plea deal cut 10 days ago he was "an organizer or leader of criminal activity that involved five or more participants." That means when he is sentenced in early July at the Dirksen Federal courthouse, the government will ask for enhanced punishment and will paint Sarabia as a leader and organizer of El Chapo's Sinaloa structure, which would make him eligible for more time in prison. Sarabia has already been locked up in for 11-and-a-half years, serving time at the MCC in Chicago and possibly other prisons elsewhere. According to the plea deal, Sarabia will fight the enhancement, claiming he was a soldier following El Chapo's orders and not a lieutenant making decisions. If he can prove that he was no boss, Sarabia would probably be released for time served, which is what his defense team would typically ask for in this situation. As El Chapo's men continue to fall or be pursued as fugitives, Joaquin "El Chapo" Guzman himself remains locked up, serving a life sentence at the SuperMax prison in Colorado. El Chapo was convicted in New York and remains under indictment in Chicago, but will likely never be prosecuted in Illinois because he's already serving a life sentence. The "Engineer" and his attorneys are expected to make their case for leniency at a July 7 sentencing hearing in Chicago. Meanwhile, the mammoth El Chapo drug conspiracy case continues to chug along. The guts of the investigation go back to 2008, and indictments began in 2009. This will remain an open and active case until El Chapo's second in command, Ismael " El Mayo" Garcia, is arrested or dead. El Mayo has been a fugitive for 14 years, ever since Chicago prosecutors named him in the sweeping charges. __________________________________________________________  Chandani Pushpalatha _______________________ ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ An American businessman in Glasgow walked into a restaurant and asked the waitress what the special was. "Rrroast and rrrice," the Scottish miss replied in a heavy brogue. "You certainly do roll your R's," the businessman observed. "I suppose," she giggled, beginning to blush, "but only when I wear high heels." ____________________________________________________  ___________________________________________________ Today in 1930 - Stunt man Leo Hartnett of the Chicago Cubs broke the altitude record for a catch by catching a baseball dropped from the Goodyear blimp 800 feet over Los Angeles, CA. He caught the ball cleanly, saying, "Eeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooowwwwwwww!". His injuries included a broken jaw. __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ We need some other words for "death." The old ones are outdated. It's trite to say, "Ed's passed away." Just say, "He's pearly-gated." ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Marcy knelt in the confessional and said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." "What is it you did, Marcy?" "Father, I have committed the sin of vanity. Five times a day I gaze at myself in the mirror and tell myself how beautiful I am." The priest turned, moved the little curtain in the confessional, took a good look at her, and said, "Marcy, I have good news. That isn't a sin - it's only a mistake. You might need glasses." ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits ffrom: Ulrike RE: Bookmarks Dear Webby Is there a reasonably civilized way to sort the bookmarks in Chrome? What there is, might work for beginners, who have only a dozen bookmarks, but not for a serious researcher. Ulrike Dear Ulrike Click the three-bar settings icon in the top right of Chrome. Hover over "Bookmarks" and select "Bookmarks Manager." Click "Organize" and select "Export bookmarks to an HTML file. Navigate to the location you would like to store the backup, name the file, and select "Save." Depending on your version of Chrome, this old trick might not work any longer. Personally, I just paste the URL and a description into a simple spreadsheet. Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ A generously endowed young lady at a major university often got teased by her sorority sisters for being so top- heavy. At a fraternity party, a young man asked her what she would like to drink. "Diet soda, please," she replied. "Oh, you must be the double D." he said. The girl was furious, wondering which of her so-called friends had divulged such personal information. "And just what do you mean by that?" she snapped. Surprised at her angry response, the young man meekly answered, "Oh, you know -- the Designated Driver." ____________________________________________________ Today, February 1 in 1788, Isaac Briggs and William Longstreet patented the steamboat. 1790, The U.S. Supreme Court convened for the first time in New York City. 1793, France declared war on Britain and Holland. 1793, Ralph Hodgson patented oiled silk. 1842, In New York City, the "City Despatch Post" began operations. It was a private company that was the first to introduce adhesive postage stamps in the western hemisphere. The company was bought by the U.S. governemnt a few months later and renamed "United States City Despatch Post." 1861, Texas voted to secede from the Union. 1862, "The Battle Hymn of the Republic," by Julia Ward Howe was first published in the "Atlantic Monthly." 1865, U.S. President Abraham Lincoln signed a Joint Resolution submitting the proposed 13th Amendment to the states. 1867, In the U.S., bricklayers start working 8-hour days. 1884, The first edition of the Oxford English Dictionary was published. 1893, Thomas A. Edison completed work on the world's first motion picture studio in West Orange, NJ. 1896, Puccini's opera "La Boheme" premiered in Turin. 1898, The Travelers Insurance Company of Hartford, CT, issued the first automobile insurance policy. Dr. Truman Martin of Buffalo, NY, paid $11.25 for the policy, which gave him $5,000 in liability coverage. 1900, Eastman Kodak Co. introduced the $1 Brownie box camera. 1913, Grand Central Terminal (also known as Grand Central Station) opened in New York City, NY. It was the largest train station in the world. 1919, The first Miss America was crowned in New York City. 1920, The first armored car was introduced. 1920, Canada's Royal North West Mounted Police changed their name to the Royal Canadian Mounted Police. The organization was commissioned in 1873. 1921, Carmen Fasanella registered as a taxicab owner and driver in Princeton, New Jersey. Fasanella retired November 2, 1989 after 68 years and 243 days of service. 1929, Weightlifter Charles Rigoulet of France achieved the first 400 pound clean and jerk as he lifted 402-1/2 pounds. 1930, The Times published its first crossword puzzle. 1946, Norwegian statesman Trygve Lie was chosen to be the first secretary-general of the United Nations. 1951, The first telecast of an atomic explosion took place. 1951, The first X-ray moving picture process was demonstrated. 1953, CBS-TV debuted "Private Secretary." 1954, CBS-TV showed "The Secret Storm" for the first time. 1957, P.H. Young became the first black pilot on a scheduled passenger airline. 1958, The United Arab Republic was formed by a union of Egypt and Syria. It was broken 1961. 1960, Four black college students began a sit-in protest at a lunch counter in Greensboro, NC. They had been refused service. 1968, During the Vietnam War, South Vietnamese National Police Chief Brig. Gen. Nguyen Ngoc Loan executed a Viet Cong officer with a pistol shot to the head. The scene was captured in a news photograph. 1976, "Sonny and Cher" resumed on TV despite a real life divore. 1979, Patty Hearst was released from prison after serving 22 months of a seven-year sentence for bank robbery. Her sentence had been commuted by U.S. President Carter. 1979, Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini was welcomed in Tehran as he ended nearly 15 years of exile. 1987, Terry Williams won the largest slot machine payoff, at the time, when won $4.9 million after getting four lucky 7s on a machine in Reno, NV. 1991, A US Air jetliner crashed atop a commuter plane at Los Angeles International Airport. 35 people were killed. 1994, Jeff Gillooly pled guilty in Portland, OR, for his role in the attack on figure skater Nancy Kerrigan. Gillooly, Tonya Harding's ex-husband, struck a plea bargain under which he confessed to racketeering charges in exchange for testimony implicating Harding. 1996, Visa and Mastercard announced security measures that would make it safe to shop on the Internet. 1999, Former White House intern Monica Lewinsky gave a deposition that was videotaped for senators weighing impeachment charges against U.S. President Clinton. 2001, Three Scottish judges found Abdel Basset al-Mergrahi guilty of the 1988 bombing of Pan Am Flight 103, which killed 270 people. The court said that Megrahi was a member of the Libyan intelligence service. Al-Amin Khalifa, who had been co-accused, was acquitted and freed. 2003, NASA's space shuttle Columbia exploded while re- entering the Earth's atmosphere. All seven astronauts on board were killed. 2019, U.S. President Trump confirmed that the U.S. would leave the Intermediate-Range Nuclear Forces Treaty of 1987 due to Russian non-compliance. Russia suspended its obligations to the treaty the next day. 2022 Do smiled.
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