Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 18 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Driver told cops he only drank at stop signs Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, July 18 in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Nothing you can't spell will ever work. --- Will Rogers (1879 - 1935) ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A young man said to his girlfriend's father, "I realize that this is only a formality, but would you mind me marrying your daughter?" "Who says it's ONLY A FORMALITY?" roared the father angrily. "Her obstetrician and her lawyer!" replied the young man. _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this story: A FARM WAS SOLD to some city folks. The old farmer next door was out one day and saw the new neighbor planting in his garden. The farmer watched as the man would dig a hole, set a tomato plant and pour in a shot of whiskey. The farmer couldn't help but ask what he was planting. Stewed tomatoes, was the reply. ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, Vero Beach, Florida  Driver told cops he only drank at stop signs  An inebriated motorist assured Florida police that he was not drinking while driving, but only swigging from a bottle of Jim Beam bourbon when his vehicle paused at stop signs and traffic signals, according to a police report. Earle Gustavas Stevens, 69, was arrested for driving his Mercury Grand Marquis while under the influence. The Vero Beach resident, now free on $1500 bond in advance of a July 31 arraignment, was nabbed after a driver called 911 to report that Stevens's car repeatedly tapped her bumper while they were in a McDonald's drive- thru lane. When a sheriff's deputy contacted Stevens, he reeked of alcohol, was slurring his words, and had red and glossy eyes. On the Mercury's passenger seat was a bottle of Jim Beam, from which Stevens admitted he had been drinking. Asked if he was drinking in the auto, Stevens replied, No. He then explained he was enjoying the bourbon at Stop signs. The deputy further noted Stevens's distinction when it came to drinking while driving: He further explained that he was not drinking while the car was moving and only when he stopped for stop signs and traffic signals. It was their fault for having so many stop signs. Stevens was arrested after failing a series of field sobriety tests, as first reported by Will Greenlee of Treasure Coast Newspapers. A breath test recorded Stevens's blood alcohol content at nearly twice the legal limit. In addition to a drunk driving charge, Stevens was cited for driving without a license. Stevens, seen above, reportedly told cops that he had two prior DUI charges from Missouri. 
  Tech Support Pits From: David Re: Which digital camera is best?  Dear Webby, Which digital camera is best? And which parts of them are the most important criteria? What is better, Canon or Nikon? David  Dear David The most important criteria is your budget. If you get too close to the limit of it, the best camera is always not going to be quite good enough. Second most important is lens size. The larger the lens, the more light the chip has to work with. Third is the electronics, especially how the camera interpretes the analog signals into digital. Canon and Nikon are best there, with the rest of them seemingly a class or more below. Fourth is Optical Zoom. Forget digital zoom, that's just cropping the picture, enlarging it digitally and making it coarse. Forget about the number of Megapixels. That number is usually just a number picked by an advertising editor and in the small print they admit that it is "equivalent to so many Megapixels". 3 Megapixels are fine, but at around 5 you start wasting space on the memory chip and get into problems with working on the pictures in full size. How much free and available RAM do you have on your computer? There is no point in paying for 12 or more megapixels and then having to set the camera to take pictures at 1600x1200, ( 1.9 Megapixels ). More pixels don't extend you reach into the dark at all. It's the same amount of light split into more real and calculated pixels. I am a purist and don't use flash. It makes pictures flat. I found that I can reach much farther into the dark with an ancient Canon with a big lens. Canon versus Nikon is a religious question. They are both so good, that the skill of the photographer makes a much bigger difference than the brand. Each has it's own distinct peculiarities, that you can take advantage of, once you get familiar with your camera. But the differences are not big enough that anybody would buy one of each. Remeber the differences in film in the old days? Kodak had a warm tint, Fuji and Agfa a colder tint. For camp fire parties you used kodak, for fishing you used Agfa or Fuji. Canon has a warmer tint, Nikon a colder tint. It is easy enough to adust that on the computer. Personally, I prefer the warmer Canon interpretation. Have FUN DearWebby  
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 Thanks to Dianne for this fishy story: Fred Green, an avid fisherman is returning from a fishing trip with six large size salmon in his creel. Nosy Parker comes along and asks if the man been fishing. "Yes!" replied old Fred. Asked what bait he had been using our hero replied that he had used chewing tobacco. Parker asked how one used chewing tobacco as bait, and the fisherman replied, "I put the tobacco on the hook in the normal way, cast in the normal way and when the fish strikes I haul back on the line to hook it. When the fish comes up to spit, I hit it on the head with the butt of my rod! 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Thanks to Sandie for this story: I had purchased a talking metronome while I was attending a conference in New York for music teachers. Before my son and I boarded our flight home, I hefted my carry-on bag onto the security check conveyor belt. The guard's eyes widened as he watched the monitor. He asked what I had in the bag, then slowly pulled out the six-by-three-inch black box covered with dials and switches. Other travelers, sensing trouble, vacated the area. "A metronome," I replied weakly, as my son cringed in embarrassment. "It's a talking metronome," I insisted. "Look, I'll show you." I took the box and flipped a switch, realizing that I had no idea how it worked. "One, two, three, four," it said. Everyone breathed a sigh of relief. As we gathered our belongings, my son whispered, "Aren't you glad it didn't go 'four, three, two, one'"? ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Flour Tortilla Noodles Cut flour tortillas into strips with a pizza cutter. Use them instead of noodles when you make "Chicken and Noodles". Nobody will ever guess that they aren't "Homemade Noodles". By Harlean   Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
 
 
World Body-painting Festival 2018 in Austria
 ___________________________________________________ The family wheeled Grandma out on the lawn, in her wheelchair, where the activities for her 100th birthday were taking place. Grandma couldn't speak very well, but she would write notes when she needed to communicate. After a short time out on the lawn, Grandma started leaning off to the right, so some family members grabbed her, straightened her up, and stuffed pillows on her right. A short time later, she started leaning off to her left, so again the family grabbed her and stuffed pillows on her left. Soon she started leaning forward, so the family members again grabbed her, then tied a pillowcase around her waist to hold her up. A nephew who arrived late came up to Grandma and said, "Hi, Grandma, you're Looking good! How are they treating you?" Grandma took out her little notepad and slowly wrote a note to the nephew: "Dumb Bastids won't let me fart!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Thanks to Harry for this story: When I picked up my wife from work one afternoon, she seemed irritated. She confessed that the day hadn't gone well, and on top of everything else, a young customer had addressed her as "ma'am." "I'm not that old," she insisted. "I deserve more respect!" She vented the whole way home while hitting the scan button on the radio. Finally I asked, "What are you looking for?" She replied, "The oldies station." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, July 18 in 0064 The Great Fire of Rome began. 1536 The authority of the pope was declared void in England. 1789 Robespierre, a deputy from Arras, France, decided to back the French Revolution. 1812 Great Britain signed the Treaty of Orebro, making peace with Russia and Sweden. 1830 Uruguay adopted a liberal constitution. 1872 The Ballot Act was passed in Great Britain, providing for secret election ballots. 1914 Six planes of the U.S. Army helped to form an aviation division called the Signal Corps. 1932 The U.S. and Canada signed a treaty to develop the St. Lawrence Seaway. 1935 Ethiopian King Haile Selassie urged his countrymen to fight to the last man against the invading Italian army. 1936 The first Oscar Meyer Wienermobile rolled out of General Body Company's factory in Chicago, IL. 1936 The Spanish Civil War began as Gen. Francisco Franco led an uprising of army troops based in Spanish North Africa. 1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. 1944 U.S. troops captured Saint-Lo, France, ending the battle of the hedgerows. 1944 Hideki Tojo was removed as Japanese premier and war minister due to setbacks suffered by his country in World War II. 1971 New Zealands and Australias troops got chased out of of Vietnam. 2001 A train derailed, involving 60 cars, in a Baltimore train tunnel. The fire that resulted lasted for six days and virtually closed down downtown Baltimore for several days. 2015 The Ebay spin-off of PayPal into a separate publicly traded company was completed. 2018 Do smiled. 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog