Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 19 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 19 in  1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit by the Soviet Union and returned safely. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Chicago Woman fires pink gun at car leaving funeral repast, kills another guest  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ A month in the laboratory can often save an hour in the library. --- Frank Westheimer _______________________________________________ > from John Heading down the interstate, our car passed through a huge swarm of gnats so dense that their bodies made popping noises as they hit the windshield. "I can't get over how loud they are," my wife said. "Well, we are hitting them at 65 miles an hour," I pointed out. Her reply left me speechless. "I didn't know bugs could fly that fast." ---------- I hit one of those Million Mating Mosquito balls one time, when I was on my bike on he way to work at the Copper mine. I was going just a tad faster than that, and it was like hitting a black curtain. Zero visibility instantly. I managed to stop safely, just barely. My face shield was covered completely with the remains of countless dead mosquitoes. Had to finish the trip with the shield up. ________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Matarimo Haupe, 35, Chicago, Illinois  Chicago Woman fires pink gun at car leaving funeral repast, kills another guest  A week ago, Matarimo Haupe was living in Springfield and working her way through nursing school. The 35-year-old mother had never been arrested before. Now she's charged with killing a man. Her hair in long braids and wearing a gray hoodie and black pants, Houpe sobbed when she appeared for a hearing Friday at the Leighton Criminal Court Building. Cook County prosecutors have accused Houpe of firing two shots outside a funeral repast Wednesday evening in Washington Park. Both missed their target, but one struck 30-year-old Andrew Owens as he stood at a nearby corner. Owens was rushed to University of Chicago Medical Center with a gunshot wound to his face, but he was pronounced dead less than 24 hours later, Chicago police and the Cook County medical examiner's office said. Houpe was charged with first-degree murder. Prosecutors said Houpe and Owens were attending the same repast when Houpe got into an argument with the father of her child. Houpe followed the man as he got into a car and began to drive away, then turned to her sister and demanded, Mickey, give me my s---, prosecutors said. Houpe's sister allegedly handed her a pink CPX-1 handgun manufactured by SCCY Firearms, which calls itself the King of Concealed Carry on its website. Police said Friday that Houpe had a valid FOID card and a license to carry a concealed gun. Prosecutors said the car had already made a left turn and was gone by the time Houpe raised the weapon, extended her arm and pulled the trigger twice. Two 9-mm shell casings fell to the ground. Owens, struck in his left eye, suddenly collapsed. Officers responded moments later and found the gun near a light post in the 6100 block of South Indiana Avenue, according to police records. Authorities said Houpe remained at the scene and admitted to officers that the gun was hers and that she had fired it. Houpe allegedly gave an additional video-recorded statement while in custody, including that she was trying to aim at the vehicle's tires as it drove away. An assistant public defender for Houpe said she had a 17-year-old son, was living in Springfield and working at a nursing home. She was enrolled in college, where she was studying for a degree in nursing. Looking at Houpe in the eyes, Judge David Navarro noted she had no previous criminal history and that she had stayed at the scene after the shooting. But, he said, that was only part of what he had to consider in setting her bail. Now, she was also looking at a possible sentence of life in prison. Bail was denied.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: John Re: camera manual  Dear Webby, Re camera manuals. Bev may well find the print used in many 'in the box' manuals is far too small for easy reading. But often these manuals are available on-line, so can either be read on-screen or printed out at a functional size. Far better than just guessing. John  Dear John Excellent point! Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A young man volunteered to babysit one night so his mom could have an evening out. At bedtime he sent the youngsters upstairs to bed and settled down to watch football. One child kept creeping down the stairs, but the young man kept sending him back. At 9:00 p.m., the doorbell rang. It was the next-door neighbor, Mrs. Brown, asking whether her son was there. The young man brusquely replied, "No." Just then a little head appeared over the banister and a voice shouted, "I'm here, Mom, but he won't let me go home." 
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 A man was in the hospital recovering from an operation when a nun walked into his room. She was there to cheer up the sick and lame. They start talking and she asks about his life. He talks about his wife and his 13 children. "My, my," says the nun. "13 children, a good and proper Catholic family. God is very proud of you." , "I'm sorry, Sister," he says, "I am not Catholic, I'm Jewish." "Jewish!" she exclaims. "You sex maniac, you!!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Turkey Leftovers thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________   
  
Shirk Report 539 
 ___________________________________________________ When we go out of town overnight, we have a pet-sitter who watches all of the various critters Elly has accumulated. One night the cat, Beans, escaped outside and climbed about 30 feet into a tree. Our sitter couldn't lure the idiot cat down, so she called the fire department. "Ma'am," the dispatched told her, "we don't do that any more. The cat will come down when it gets hungry enough." "How do you know that?" the sitter asked. "Have you ever seen a cat skeleton in a tree?" ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Mike for this story: I had to take Ann to the hospital some time ago for a series of tests. She was unexpectedly required to stay overnight. So she gave me a list of things to bring from home. One thing on her list was "comfortable underwear." I asked her, "How will I know which ones to pick?" She said, "Hold 'em up and imagine them on me. If you smile, put them back." ___________________________________________________ >From Irene was out walking with my then 4 year old daughter. She picked up something off the ground and started to put it in her mouth. I asked her not to do that. "Why?" "Because it's been laying outside and is dirty and probably has germs." At this point, she looked at me with total admiration and asked, "Wow! How do you know all this stuff?" "Uh," I was thinking quickly," everyone knows this stuff. Um, it's on the Mommy test. You have to know it, or they don't let you be a Mommy. "Oh." We walked along in silence for 2 or 3 minutes, but she was evidently pondering this new information. "I get it!" she beamed. "Then if you flunk, you have to be the Daddy." __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, August 19 in 1812 "Old Ironsides" (the USS Constitution) won a battle against the British frigate Guerriere east of Nova Scotia. 1848 The discovery of gold in California was reported by the New York Herald. 1856 Gail Borden received a patent for his process of condensing milk by vacuum. 1909 The first car race to be run on brick occurred at the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. 1917 Team managers John McGraw and Christy Matthewson were arrested for breaking New York City's blue laws. The crime was their teams were playing baseball on Sunday. 1919 Afghanistan gained independence from Britain. 1934 Adolf Hitler was approved for sole executive power in Germany as Fuehrer. 1940 The new Civil Aeronautics Administration awarded honorary license #1 to Orville Wright. 1942 About 6,000 Canadian and British soldiers launched a raid against the Germans at Dieppe, France. They suffered about 50 percent casualties. 1960 Francis Gary Powers, an American U-2 pilot, was convicted of espionage in Moscow. 1960 Two dogs were launched in a satellite into Earth's orbit by the Soviet Union and returned safely. 1974 During an anti-American protest in Nicosia, Cyprus, U.S. Ambassador Rodger P. Davies was fatally wounded by a bullet while in the American embassy. 1981 Two Libyan SU-22s were shot down by two U.S. Navy F-14 fighters in the Gulf of Sidra. 1991 Soviet hard-liners announced that President Mikhail Gorbachev had been removed from power. Gorbachev returned to power two days later. 1998 The first piece of the 351 foot bronze statue of Christopher Columbus arrived in San Juan, Puerto Rico. 1999 In Belgrade, thousands of Serbs attended a rally to demand the resignation of Yugoslavia's President Slobodan Milosevic. 2004 Google Inc. stock began selling on the Nasdaq Stock Market. The initial price was set at $85 and ended the day at $100.34 with more than 22 million shares traded. 2016 A federal judge ordered Hillary Clinton to answer questions from the watchdog group Judicial Watch in writing about her use of a private email server while she was secretary of state. 2019 Do smiled.