Good Morning, Do, Today is Thursday, May 10 Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Bonehead arrested for punching 80 year old school crossing guard in the face, knocking him down. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, May 10 in 1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. Englaand did not want peace and Hess was jailed for life. Bonehead ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ To be able to fill leisure intelligently is the last product of civilization, and at present very few people have reached this level. --- Bertrand Russell (1872 - 1970) The biggest difference between sex for money and sex for love is that sex for money usually costs a lot less. --- Fred Barling Most people have seen worse things in private than they pretend to be shocked at in public. --- Edgar Watson Howe ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ Judi had just returned to the United States from a month-long trip to Europe. She'd been to England, France, Spain, Italy, Germany, and Switzerland. Bob met her at the airline gate, hugged her, and asked, "So, how was your trip?" "Oh, it was terrible,." she replied, "The scenery was nice, but the whole place is just full of foreigners." She sounds like that moronic CNN reporter, who claimed that First Lady Melania was culturally a foreigner and not suitable for motivating school kids. _____________________________________________________ ______________________________________________________ _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Rolly for this story: Customer: "My computer crashed!" Tech Support: "It crashed?" Customer: "Yeah, it won't let me play my game." Tech Support: "All right, hit Sart, Turn Off." Customer: "No, it didn't crash-it crashed." Tech Support: "Huh?" Customer: "I crashed my game.That's what I said before. I crashed my spaceship and now it doesn't work." Tech Support: "Click on 'File,' then 'New Game.'" Customer: [pause] "Wow! How'd you learn how to do that?" _______________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by William Anthony Vindigni, 36 Apopka, Florida Bonehead arrested for punching 80 year old school crossing guard in the face, knocking him down. An Apopka man was arrested Thursday after he hit an 80-year-old school crossing guard in the face, causing him to fall to the ground, the Seminole County Sheriff's Office said. William Reynolds was crossing two elementary school children in the driveway of the 7-Eleven on Wekiva Springs Road, east of Fox Valley Drive in unincorporated Longwood when William Anthony Vindigni, 36, walked up and struck Reynolds in the face, deputies said. The children were not injured. Vindigni left on foot but was located by deputies at the intersection of Palm Springs and Wekiva Springs roads, authorities said. Deputies said Vindigni resisted arrest, but was eventually taken into custody. Vindigni grabbed and pinched a deputy on the back of her leg during the incident, an arrest report said. Reynolds, the crossing guard, was taken to a hospital as a precaution. Investigators believe it was an isolated incident. Vindigni was taken to the John E. Polk Correctional Facility on charges of aggravated battery, battery on a law enforcement officer and resisting arrest. Tech Support Pits From: Duck Re: Can't find drive C: dear great computer guru..... youve helped me before, hint hint hint. I have windows 10 (almost makes me miss the old DOS days) and suddenly, it has to search for the c:\ drive. I havent moved it, honest. for instance, when I click on "my computer", up comes that stupid little search flashlight and the machine spends up to a minute searching until it finds it. It does this in every program I own that needs to go to somewhere similar. How do I convince it that the drive and all its parts are in the same place theyve always been? can computers get Alzheimer's? the duck Dear Duck Might be time to buy a new hard drive, if you can't get DisKeeper from http://diskeeper.com to defragment and organize it. I would also back up anything important as soon as possible. However, chances are pretty good that DisKeeper can fix it. Expect to be shocked out of your socks by the amount of file fragments that program finds. And expect a very noticeable increase in speed and performance after it has done it's job. After an initial clean-up you can set it to run automatically whenever the screen saver comes on. Have FUN DearWebby While looking for some history I came across this bonehead award and Darwin award from 10 years ago: Bregenz, Austria In the early morning hours an 18 year old on the way home from a party decided to climb over the iron railing along the train tracks, presumably to get down to the lake on the other side of the tracks. He was wearing a long black down jacket and the train driver never saw him. However, the driver reported hearing the typical faint thud at that location. At dawn the cops checked the area but saw nothing. Later that morning somebody saw blood on the locomotive and a jogger reported body pieces, so four cops and two funeral parlor employees with body bags went to the location. After gathering the pieces of the unidentified 18 year old, police woman Herlinde Kempf, 32, policeman German Baldauf, 63 and funeral parlor worker Manfred Petschenig, 47 stood on the tracks. Presumably they were discussing the stupidity of standing on the tracks of a railroad, where every few minutes some high speed train flies by at around 100 miles per hour. They were promptly converted into Darwin Award winners. Another policeman and another funeral parlor worker standing beside the track were not hurt, but watched the incident. Police claims that the accident happened because the locomotive driver had not been warned that there were idiots, ahem "Darwin Award Applicants", on the loose in the area, and that if he had been warned, he would have slowed down the Intercity Express to a walking pace. The Intercity Express is a very high speed train, that makes just one stop per country betwen Munich and Zurich. Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. All eyes were on the radiant bride as her father escorted her down the aisle. They reached the altar and the waiting groom; the bride kissed her father and placed something in his hand. The guests in the front pews responded with ripples of laughter. Even the priest smiled broadly. As her father gave her away in marriage, the bride gave him back his credit card. | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
A couple had been married for 45 years and had raised a brood of 11 children and were blessed with 22 grandchildren. When asked the secret for staying together all that time, the wife replies, "Many years ago we made a promise to each other: the first one to pack up and leave has to take all the kids." ____________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Chill Your Jello Mold Place your Jello mold in fridge to chill before adding the Jello mixture. This will keep the "skin" off the mold. By Sue Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com ____________________________________________________ "Cynic, n. a blackguard whose faulty vision sees things as they are, not as they ought to be." --Ambrose Bierce | Early Highlights from the 2018 Nat Geo Travel Photographer of the Year Contest. |
___________________________________________________ Having trouble with the doctor's notes on an emergency case which read, "Shot in the lumbar region," the poor girl was flustered and at her wit's end. At last she thought she had it figured out and brightened up as she typed up the record, "Wounded in the woods." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip, and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young, lovely lady. Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words: "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this all came about. Driving home, I saw this young girl, looking poor and tired, I offered her a ride. She was hungry, so I brought her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the refrigerator. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes you don't wear because they're last month's style. She was cold so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because you had seen a clerk in town wear one just like it. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else that your wife doesn't use anymore?' And so, here we are!" ______________________________________________________ | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | |
______________________________________________________ A mother took her daughter to the doctor and asked him to give her an examination to determine the cause of the daughter's swollen abdomen. It only took the doctor about 2 seconds to say, "Gimme a break, lady! Your daughter is pregnant!" The mother turn red with fury, and she argued with the doctor that *her* daughter was a good girl, and would *never* compromise her reputation by having sex with a boy. The doctor faced the window and silently watched the horizon. The mother became enraged and screamed, "Quit looking out the window! Aren't you paying attention to me?" "Yes, of course I am paying attention, ma'am. It's just that the last time this happened, a star appeared in the east, and three wise men came from afar. I was hoping they'd show up again, and help your daughter figure out which of her friends got her pregnant!" ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! ______________________________________________________ A minister was opening his mail one morning and. Drawing a single sheet of paper from an envelope he found written on it only one word: "FOOL". The next Sunday he announced, "I have known many people who have written letters and forgot to sign their name. "But this week I received a letter from someone who signed his name and had forgotten to write a letter." | Rolligon: The Vehicle That Makes Running Over Yourself Fun |
___________________________________________________ Three violin manufactures have all done business for years on the same block in the small town of Cremona, Italy. After years of a peaceful co-existence, the Amati shop decided to put a sign in the window saying: "We make the best violins in Italy." The Guarneri shop soon followed suit, and put a sign in their window proclaiming: "We make the best violins in the world." Finally, the Stradivarius family put a sign out at their shop saying: "We make the best violins on this street." ___________________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
____________________________________________________ | Today, May 10 in 1503 Christopher Columbus discovered the Cayman Islands. 1676 Bacon's Rebellion, which pits frontiersmen against the government, began. 1768 The imprisonment of the journalist John Wilkes as an outlaw provoked violence in London. Wilkes was returned to parliament as a member for Middlesex. 1773 The English Parliament passed the Tea Act, which taxed all tea in the U.S. colonies. It did not go over well. 1774 Louis XVI ascended the throne of France. 1775 Ethan Allen and Colonel Benedict Arnold led an attack on the British Fort Ticonderoga and captured it from the British. 1796 Napoleon Bonaparte won a brilliant victory against the Austrians at Lodi bridge in Italy. 1840 Mormon leader Joseph Smith moved his band of followers to Illinois to escape the hostilities they had experienced in Missouri. 1857 The Seepoys of India revolted against the British Army. 1865 Confederate President Jefferson Davis was captured by Union troops near Irvinville, GA. 1869 Central Pacific and Union Pacific Rail Roads meet in Promontory, UT. A golden spike was driven in at the celebration of the first transcontinental railroad in the U.S. 1876 Richard Wagner's "Centennial Inaugural March" was heard for the first time at the Centennial Exposition in Philadelphia, PA. 1898 A vending machine law was enacted in Omaha, NE. It cost $5,000 for a permit. 1908 The first Mother's Day observance took place during a church service in Grafton, West Virginia. 1924 J. Edgar Hoover was appointed head of the Federal Bureau of Investigation. 1927 The Hotel Statler in Boston, MA. became the first hotel to install radio headsets in each of its 1,300 rooms. 1930 The Adler Planetarium opened to the public in Chicago, IL. 1933 The Nazis staged massive public book burnings in Germany. 1940 Germany invaded Belgium, the Netherlands, Luxembourg and France. 1941 England's House of Commons was destroyed by a German air raid. 1941 Rudolf Hess, Adolf Hitler's deputy, parachuted into Scotland on what he claimed was a peace mission. Englaand did not want peace and Hess was jailed for life. 1942 U.S. forces in the Philippines began to surrender to the Japanese. 1943 U.S. troops invaded Attu in the Aleutian Islands to expel the Japanese. 1960 The U.S.S. Triton completed the first circumnavigation of the globe under water. The trip started on February 16. 1962 Marvel Comics published the first issue of "The Incredible Hulk." 1968 Preliminary Vietnam peace talks began in Paris. 1978 Britain's Princess Margaret and the Earl of Snowdon announced they were divorcing after 18 years of marriage. 1982 Elliott Gould made his dramatic television debut after 30 movies in 17 years. He starred in "The Rules of Marriage" on CBS- TV. 1986 Navy Lt. Commander Donnie Cochran became the first black pilot to fly with the Blue Angels team. 1994 Nelson Mandela was sworn in as South Africa's first black president. 1997 An earthquake in northeastern Iran killed at least 2,400 people. 1999 China broke off talks on human rights with the U.S. in response to NATO's accidental bombing of the Chinese Embassy in Yugoslavia. 1999 The Cezanne painting "Still Life With Curtain, Pitcher and Bowl of Fruit" sold for 60.5 million. 2000 11,000 residents were evacuated in Los Alamos, NM, due to a fire that was blown into a canyon. The fire had been deliberately set to clear brush. 2001 Boeing Co. announced that it would be moving its headquarters to Chicago, IL. 2001 In Ghana, 121 people were killed in a stampede at a soccer game. 2002 Robert Hanssen was sentenced to life in prison with no chance for parole. Hanssen, an FBI agent, had sold U.S. secrets to Moscow for $1.4 million in cash and diamonds. 2002 Taiwan test fired a locally made Sky Bow II surface-to-air missile for the first time. They also fired three U.S.-made Hawk missiles. 2002 Dr. Pepper announced that it would be introducing a new flavor, Red Fusion, for the first time in 117 years. 2011 It was announced that Microsoft had closed a deal to purchase the internet phone service Skype for $8.5 billion. Sad day for Skype. Microsoft didn't quite murder it, but seriously messed it up. 2013 In New York, NY, crane operators hoisted the final pieces of the spire atop One World Trade Center (formerly called the Freedom Tower). 2018 Do smiled. |
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