Good Morning, Do, Today is Wednesday, March 21 Tomorrow I have to go to Calgary for injections into my eyeballs. No fun for me. You get a vacation on Friday, Saturday and Sunday. The Monday issue will be in your mail again. Saw a headline today: "Clinton: White Women Voted for Trump Because Their Husbands Told Them To" What UFO did SHE get tossed off? She sure does not know anything about American women! American women traditionally vote the opposite of what they think their husbands might vote, to cancel and negate his vote. No reason, it's just tradition. Even I know that! Have FUN! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Decades-Old Rapes Solved After Man Pees on Neighbor's Plant Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, March 21 in 1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven recantations that same day. See More of what happened on this day in history.
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 ______________________________________________________ Three o'clock is always too late or too early for anything you want to do. --- Jean-Paul Sartre (1905 - 1980) _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ A famous author was autographing copies of his new novel in a Cleveland department store. One gentleman pleased him by bringing up not only his new book for signature, but reprint editions of his two previous ones as well. "My wife likes your stuff," he remarked apologetically, "I thought I'd give her these signed copies for a birthday present." "A surprise, eh?" hazarded the author. "I'll say," agreed the customer. "She's expecting a Cadillac." ______________________________________________________ An "air freshener" salesman goes to an executive building to market his product to a prospective buyer. He steps in to an empty elevator and presses the 10th floor button. Just as the doors close, he lets out a God-awful fart. He then can feel the elevator stopping on the fifth floor and he knows that someone will be stepping on so he quickly sprays his new "Pine-Scented" air freshener to cover his tracks. The person that was on the 5th floor steps onto the elevator. The salesman decides that this is a good opportunity to test his product's quality so he asks the man, "excuse me sir, could you kindly tell me what you smell?" The man replies, "Yeah, smells like a turkey with diahrea hiding in a Christmas Tree". _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________   Air-head Re-charging? Or newest Japanese hair drier? _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ A young man asked a rich old man how he made his money. The old guy fingered his worsted wool vest and said this: "Well, son, it was 1932. The depth of the Great Depression. I was down to my last nickel. I invested that nickel in an apple. I spent the entire day polishing the apple and, at the end of the day, I sold the apple for ten cents. The next morning, I invested those ten cents in two apples. I spent the entire day polishing them and sold them at 5:00 PM for 20 cents. I continued this system for a month, by the end of which I'd accumulated a fortune of $1.37. Then my wife's father died and left us two million dollars." _____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Eric McKenna, 60, in jail in England  Decades-Old Rapes Solved After Man Pees on Neighbor's Plant  A man who raped two women at knifepoint in Britain avoided capture for over 30 years. Then he peed on his neighbor's potted plant. The BBC reports a 21-year-old woman was raped by a man while walking alone in 1983. An 18-year-old woman was raped in a similar situation five years later. The cases remained unsolved and unconnected until 60-year-old Eric McKenna was arrested in 2016 after getting in a dispute with his neighbor that culminated in him urinating in one of her potted plants, according to the Press Association. McKenna was given a warning for harassment and a DNA sample was taken. It was an exact match for samples recovered following both rapes. McKenna was arrested and charged with the rapes last year, Chronicle Live reports. He was sentenced to prison on Friday. "McKenna thought he had got away with his crimes, but a neighborly dispute and a moment of stupidity has landed him in prison for 23 years," Metro quotes Detective Constable Mick Wilson as saying. Wilson says McKenna has "failed to show a glimmer of remorse" for his crimes. As for the neighbor whose plant got peed on, she tells Chronicle Live: I felt physically sick when I found out what he'd done ... I'm so glad I reported him and these women have got justice."   Tech Support Pits From: Amber Rose Re: Cause of missed letters  Dear Webby I keep wondering what the problem is that some people have with getting your newsletter through AOL. I don't have any problem whatsoever, and I have AOL. Could the difference be that they do not have your e-mail address in their Address Book? AOL kept putting it into my Address Book whenever I received a newsletter. I kept deleting it because it was not one of my personal friends that I contact frequently. I was keeping my Address Book just for them. When I realized your newsletters were going into my Spam box, I finally realized. Now you are prominent in my Address Book along with my other friends, and I do believe you are a friend also. Your newsletter is the very best I have ever received. AmberRose  Dear AmberRose You are 100% right. Nowadays AOL has become quite reliable, much better than for example Yahoo, and when the sender address is in the address book, the mail now always gets through. Have FUN! DearWebby    Six year old Angie and her four year old brother Joel were sitting together in church. Joel giggled, sang, and talked out loud. Finally, his big sister had had enough. "You're not supposed to talk out loud in church," she hissed at Joel. "Why? Who's going to stop me?" Joel shot back. Angie pointed to the back of the church and said, "See those two big men standing by the door?" Joel nodded. "They're hushers." 
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 One day, Uncle Joe got fired from his construction job. His nephew asked him what happened. "You know what a foreman is?" he asked. "The one who stands around and watches the other men work?" "What's that got to do with it?" he asked. "Well, he just got jealous of me," Uncle Joe explained. "Everyone thought I was the foreman." 
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 Two men sitting side by side in a 747 plane started to talk. One explained he had never flown before. They left the airport in New York City headed for Los Angeles. They landed in Chicago, whereupon a little red truck pulled up and refueled the plane. They again landed to refuel at Denver. The little red truck pulled up to the plane and refueled it. As they were about to land at their destination the veteran flier pointed out to the novice what great time they had made. The novice said, " Yes we made good time, but that little red wagon wasn't doing bad either." ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Yarn as Ribbon Yarn is relatively inexpensive and makes attractive ribbon for gifts. Use multiple strands in colors that complement your wrapping paper for a fancy look. Make some loops of yarn and tie tightly in the middle of the loops. Leave in loops or cut the loop ends and make a pom pom for the top.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  A man appears before a judge one day, asking for a divorce. The judge quietly reviews some papers and then says, "Please tell me why you are seeking a divorce." "Because," the man says, "I live in a two-story house." The Judge replies, "What kind of a reason is that? What is the big deal about a two-story house?" The man answers, "Well Judge, one story is....... 'I have a headache' and the other story is 'It's that time of the month.'"  
5 Truly Odd Sports Invented in the Depths of Winter 
 ___________________________________________________ When the phone rang at 6 a.m. in a California office, the caller from Florida was angry that the customer service department was closed. The early rising office manager told him that the office opened at 7 a.m. "Then it should be open now," said the caller, "it's already nine o'clock!" When the office manager explained the time difference the caller calmed down. Then, hoping to avoid further confusion, the manager told him the office would be open in one hour. The caller replied, "Is that your time or my time?" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, March 21 in 1349 3,000 Jews were killed in Black Death riots in Efurt Germany. 1556 Thomas Cranmer, the Archbishop of Canterbury, was burned at the stake at Oxford after retracting the last of seven recantations that same day. 1788 Almost the entire city of New Orleans, LA, was destroyed by fire. 856 buildings were destroyed. 1804 The French civil code, the Code Napoleon, was adopted. 1824 A fire at a Cairo ammunitions dump killed 4,000 horses. 1835 Charles Darwin & Mariano Gonzales met at Portillo Pass. 1851 Emperor Tu Duc ordered that Christian priests be put to death. 1851 Yosemite Valley was discovered in California. 1857 An earthquake hit Tokyo killing about 107,000. 1858 British forces in India lift the siege of Lucknow, ending the Indian Mutiny. 1871 Journalist Henry M Stanley began his famous expedition to Africa. 1902 In New York, three Park Avenue mansions were destroyed when a subway tunnel roof caved in. 1907 The U.S. Marines landed in Honduras to protect American interests in the war with Nicaragua. 1908 A passenger was carried in a bi-plane for the first time by Henri Farman of France. 1909 Russia withdrew its support for Serbia and recognized the Austrian annexation of Bosnia-Herzegovina. Serbia accepted Austrian control over Bosnia-Herzegovina on March 31, 1909. 1910 The U.S. Senate granted ex-President Teddy Roosevelt a yearly pension of $10,000. 1918 During World War I, the Germans launched the Somme Offensive. 1925 The state of Tennessee enacted the Butler Act. It was a law that made it a crime for a teacher in any state-supported public school to teach any theory that was in contradiction to the Bible's account of man's creation. 1928 U.S. President Calvin Coolidge gave the Congressional Medal of Honor to Charles Lindbergh for his first trans-Atlantic flight. 1934 A fire destroyed Hakodate, Japan, killing about 1,500. 1935 Incubator ambulance service began in Chicago, IL. 1941 The last Italian post in East Libya, North Africa, fell to the British. 1945 During World War II, Allied bombers began four days of raids over Germany. 1946 The United Nations set up a temporary headquarters at Hunter College in New York City. 1960 About 70 people were killed in Sharpeville, South Africa, when police fired upon demonstrators. 1963 Alcatraz Island, the federal penitentiary in San Francisco Bay, CA, closed. 1965 The U.S. launched Ranger 9. It was the last in a series of unmanned lunar explorations. 1965 More than 3,000 civil rights demonstrators led by the Rev. Martin Luther King Jr. began a march from Selma to Montgomery, AL. 1966 In New York, demolition work began to clear thirteen square blocks for the construction of the original World Trade Center. 1971 Two U.S. platoons in Vietnam refused their orders to advance. 1972 The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that states could not require one year of residency for voting eligibility. 1980 U.S. President Jimmy Carter announced to the U.S. Olympic Team that they would not participate in the 1980 Summer Games in Moscow as a boycott against Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1982 The United States, U.K. and other Western countries condemned the Soviet intervention in Afghanistan. 1984 A Soviet submarine crashed into the USS Kitty Hawk off the coast of Japan. 1985 Larry Flynt offered to sell his pornography empire for $26 million or "Hustler" magazine alone for $18 million. 1985 Police in Langa, South Africa, opened fire on blacks marching to mark the 25th anniversary of the Sharpeville shootings. At least 21 demonstrators were killed. 1989 Randall Dale Adams was released from a Texas prison after his conviction was overturned. The documentary "The Thin Blue Line" had challenged evidence of Adams' conviction for killing a police officer. 1990 Australian businessman Alan Bond sold Van Gogh's "Irises" to the Gerry Museum. Bond had purchased the painting for $53.9 million in 1987. 1990 Namibia became independent of South Africa. 1991 27 people were lost at sea when two U.S. Navy anti-submarine planes collided. 1991 The U.N. Security Council lifted the food embargo against Iraq. 1994 Dudley Moore was arrested for hitting his girlfriend. 1994 Steven Spielberg won his first Oscars. They were for best picture and best director for "Schindler's List." 1994 Wayne Gretzky tied Gordie Howe's NHL record of 801 goals. 1994 Bill Gates of Microsoft and Craig McCaw of McCaw Cellular Communications announced a $9 billion plan that would send 840 satellites into orbit to relay information around the globe. 1995 Tokyo police raided the headquarters of Aum Shinrikyo in search of evidence to link the cult to the Sarin gas released on five Tokyo subway trains. 1999 Israel's Supreme Court rejected the final effort to have American Samuel Sheinbein returned to the U.S. to face murder charges for killing Alfred Tello, Jr. Under a plea bargain Sheinbein was sentenced to 24 years in prison. 2001 Nintendo released Game Boy Advance. 2002 In Pakistan, Ahmed Omar Saeed Sheikh was charged with murder for his role in the kidnapping of Wall Street Journal reporter Daniel Pear. Three other Islamic militants that were in custody were also charged along with seven more accomplices that were still at large. 2002 In Paris, an 1825 print by French inventor Joseph Nicephore Niepce was sold for $443,220. The print, of a man leading a horse, was the earliest recorded image taken by photographic means. 2016 It was reported that the Kepler space telescope had captured the visible light of a "shock breakout" when the star KSN 2011a exploded. It was the first time an exploding star's brilliant flash shockwave had been captured. 2018 Do smiled. 
 
 

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