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Humor: Change Windows language

By Webby.com received 9 days ago

Categories: Humor
Age: 7 until 13 year 14 until 18 year 19 until 30 year 31 until 64 years 65 and older
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, August 14 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 14 in 1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in the incident. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________
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Today's Bonehead Award: Naked man stole boat, floated into construction area before arrest _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! _______________________________________________ In every American there is an air of incorrigible innocence, which seems to conceal a diabolical cunning. --- A. E. Housman (1859 - 1936) _______________________________________________ Supermodels ------------- It's hard to be a Supermodel as evidenced by the following actual quotes from some of today's hardest-working and best-known supermodels. We've come a long way from Oscar Wilde and Mark Twain... ON COURAGE "They were doing a full back shot of me in a swimsuit and I thought, Oh my God, I have to be so brave. See, every woman hates herself from behind."-- Cindy Crawford ON SELF-KNOWLEDGE "Everywhere I went, my cleavage followed. But I learned I am not my cleavage." -- Carole Mallory ON POVERTY "Everyone should have enough money to get plastic surgery." -- Beverly Johnson ON FATE "I wish my butt did not go sideways, but I guess I have to face that."-- Christie Brinkley ON INNER STRENGTH "I love the confidence that makeup gives me." -- Tyra Banks ON ZEN "When I model I pretty blank. You can't think too much or it doesn't work."-- Paulina Porizkova ON LOGIC "I think, If my butt's not too big for them to be photographing it, then it shouldn't be too big for me." -- Christy Turlington ON BODY LANGUAGE "You can usually tell when I'm happy by the fact that I've gained weight." -- Christy Turlington ______________________________________________________` Marble Caves, Chile _____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote! Thanks for your votes! ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor: An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Tobias Tyrone Hartsfield, 43, Bettendorf, Iowa Naked man stole boat, floated into construction area before arrest Police in the Quad Cities said a man was arrested after he stole a boat and floated into a construction area. According to station WQAD, Tobias Hartsfield, 43, from Bettendorf, was naked when he stole a boat from the Isle of Capri Marina. He then floated toward a barge in the construction area for the new bridge on I-74. Police said it all happened around 11 p.m. Sunday night. Hartsfield then climbed onto a barge and untied ropes, causing it to shift before he got back on the stolen boat. That's when he was arrested. Police said the could not find Hartsfield's clothes when they arrested him. He faces theft, trespassing and criminal mischief charges. A tug boat moved the barge back into place, police said. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Rose Re: Change Windows language Dear Webby, My friend told me she can switch her keyboard from English to German in language option. I have windows W7 and was wondering is it safe and is it possible to do that? And how is it done? Thank you for your help. Rose Dear Rose Here is what I found: to change the keyboard languages and layout, click Start , then choose Control Panel, and Regional and Language Options. Click the "Languages" tab, then the "Details" button, the "Settings" tab, and the "Add" button. Now choose an input language from a long list. ( IF the "Input language" is English (United States), the US-International English keyboard can be selected by checking the "Keyboard layout/IME" box and choosing it from the list.) Click the ok button to close the Input window. If the added language is a permanent choice, be sure to click Apply to finish the process Have FUN! DearWebby Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. Two children ordered their mother to stay in bed on her birthday morning. As she lay there looking forward to being brought breakfast in bed, the smell of bacon floated up from the kitchen. Finally, the children called her to come downstairs. She found them both sitting at the table eating bacon and eggs. "As a surprise for your birthday," one explained, "we decided to cook our own breakfast."
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GROAN ALERT Hi, I'm in third grade but it's not easy, it's a jungle gym out there. It's not school I mind, it's the principal of the thing. My teacher is tough. In class we have to answer "Yes Sir" and "No Sir," and my teacher is a woman. She's cross-eyed too, can't control her pupils. In English she told us we couldn't use 2 words, one was cool and the other was lousy. I said, "Cool, tell us the lousy one first." In science, she asked, "what would happen if one of the stars in Orion's belt went out?" I told her his pants would fall down. She asked, "Why do astronauts wear space suits?" I said, "To cover their space underwear." In geography she asked us to name 2 cities in Kentucky. I said "O.K., I'll name one Waldo and the other Heathcliff." And I don't like math at all, there's just too many problems. We eat in the cafeteria. For lunch yesterday we had Roast Beef, bread and butter. The roast beef was so tough it challenged me to a fight after school. The bread was so stale I took it to show and tell in history class. I'd tell you about the butter but I don't want to spread it around. They gave us animal crackers for dessert. On the outside of the box it said "Do not eat if seal is broken." Of course ... (these are third grade jokes, try to keep up) After lunch we had a test. I used to hate taking tests. The teacher told us to treat them as a game. Now I hate games. I did get a 100 the other day, 50 in math and 50 in spelling. My teacher is so forgetful she gave us the same test 3 weeks in a row. If she does that one more time I might pass it. My teacher knows all the answers, of course, she makes up all the questions. But I do better than my best friend, Mike, he made the P.T.A.'s Most Wanted list. Mike's the biggest trouble maker in school, And his parent's never thought he'd amount to anything! Mike kept telling the teacher his dog ate his homework. We didn't believe him until his dog graduated from Yale. When I get home from school, it takes me about an hour to do my homework, 2 hours if my father helps. I was having trouble in English. My Dad bought me a cheap dictionary but I couldn't find the words to thank him. My dad bought me a thesaurus, too. I thought that was very nice, pleasurable, agreeable. I was doing geography homework and I asked him where I would find the Catskills. He said, "I don't know, your mother puts everything away!" When my father saw my report card, he said I was just like Abraham Lincoln, I went down in history. ___________________________________________________ Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Buy Two, Take One Back When I need to buy something I need for a home improvement project, I often buy two, even though I should only need one. If there is a problem installing a toilet seal or a blade breaks, I don't have to run to the store in the middle of my project to replace it. As long as they are unopened and in their original packages, the hardware store will take them back. thriftyfun.Com ____________________________________________________
BEST OF THE WEEK - Leader Of The Pack
___________________________________________________ >From Frieda I was the nurse caring for a couple's newborn first child, a son, after his cesarean birth. Since the mother was asleep under general anesthesia, we took our tiny charge directly to the newborn nursery to introduce him to his daddy. While cuddling his son for the first time, he noticed the baby's ears conspicuously standing out from his head. He expressed his concern that some kids might call his son names like "Dumbo." The pediatrician reassured the new dad that his son was healthy and the ears could be easily corrected during childhood. The father still worried about his wife's reaction to those large protruding ears. "She doesn't take things as easily as I do," he worried. By this time, the new mother was ready to meet her precious son. I placed the tiny bundle in his mother's arms and eased the blanket back so that she could gaze upon her child for the first time. She took one look at her baby's face and looked to her husband and gasped, "Oh, Honey! Look! He has your dumbo ears!" ___________________________________________________ In the commuter train car the conversation turned to the merits and demerits of various ways of preserving health. One stout, florid man held forth with great eloquence on the subject. "Look at me!" he said. "Never a day's sickness in my life, and all due to simple food. Why, gentlemen," he continued, "from the age of twenty to that of forty I lived an absolutely simple regular life -- no effeminate delicacies, no late hours, no extravagances. Every day, in fact, summer and winter, I was in bed regularly at nine o'clock and up again at five in the morning. I worked from eight to one, then had dinner--a plain dinner, mark my words: after that, an hour's exercise; then . . . " "Excuse me, sir," interrupted the stranger in the corner, "but what were you in prison for?" ___________________________________________________ One day, Little Johnny visited a doctor for a vaccination. After the doctor gave him an injection, he tried to bandage around Johnny's arm. "I think you'd better bandage around the other arm, Doc!" "But, why? I'm supposed to bandage around the injected part of your arm to let your friends know not to touch it." "Doc, you really don't know how kids behave!" __________________________________________________
Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request.
___________________________________________________
Today, August 14 in 1248 The rebuilding of the Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany, began after being destroyed by fire. 1805 A peace treaty between the U.S. and Tunis was signed on board the USS Constitution. 1880 The Cologne Cathedral in Cologne, Germany was completed after 632 years of rebuilding. 1888 A patent for the electric meter was granted to Oliver B. Shallenberger. 1896 Gold was discovered in Canada's Yukon Territory. Within the next year more than 30,000 people rushed to the area to look for gold. 1900 An international force, consisting of eight nations, lifted the siege of Peking. It was the end to the Boxer Rebellion, which was aimed at purging China of foreigners. 1917 China declared war on Germany and Austria during World War I. 1919 About 1 million tons of ice and rock broke off of a glacier near Mont Blanc, France. Nine people were killed in the incident. 1935 U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt signed the Social Security Act into law. The act created unemployment insurance and pension plans for the elderly. 1936 The first basketball competition was held at the Olympic Games in Berlin, Germany. The U.S. defeated Canada, 19-8. 1941 The U.S. Congress appropriated the funds to construct the Pentagon (approximately $83 million). The building was the new home of the U.S. War Department. 1941 U.S. President Roosevelt and British Prime Minister Winston Churchill issued the Atlantic Charter. The charter was a statement of principles that renounced aggression. 1944 The federal government allowed the manufacture of certain domestic appliances to resume on a limited basis. 1945 It was announced by U.S. President Truman that Japan had surrendered unconditionally. The surrender ended World War II. 1947 Pakistan became independent from British rule. 1953 The whiffle ball was invented. 1962 A U.S. mail truck was held up in Plymouth, MA. The robbers got away with more that $1.5 million dollars. 1969 British troops arrived in Northern Ireland to intervene in sectarian violence between Protestants and Roman Catholics. 1973 The U.S. bombing of Cambodia ended. The halt marked the official end to 12 years of combat in Indochina by the U.S. 1976 A charity softball game began for the Community General Hospital in Monticello, NY. The game was eventually called off due to weather after 30 hours. The final score was Gager's Diner's 491 to Bend 'n Elbow Tavern's 467. 1980 People for Ethical Treatment of Animals (PETA) was incorporated. 1986 U.S. officials announced that a U.S. Drug Enforcement agent had been abducted, interrogated and tortured by Mexican police. 1992 The U.S. announced that emergency airlifts of food to Somalia would begin. The action was being taken to stop mass deaths due to starvation. 1995 Shannon Faulkner became the first female cadet in the history of The Citadel, South Carolina's state military college. She quit the school less than a week later. 2000 Valujet was ordered to pay $11 million in fines and restitution for hazardous waste violations in the crash that killed 110 people in 1996. 2015 In Havana, Cuba, the U.S. Embassy was re-opened after being closed 54 years earlier. 2019 Do smiled.
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