Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, August 17 _____________________________________________________ Today, August 17 in  1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack discovering gold in the Yukon. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Viola man caught on child pornography and sexual assault charges  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ I know that there are people who do not love their fellow man, and I hate people like that! --- Tom Lehrer (1928 - ) All charming people have something to conceal, usually their total dependence on the appreciation of others. --- Cyril Connolly _______________________________________________ Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him.... "Do you think we'll ever find them?" He said ... "I don't know kid .... There are so many places they can hide." ________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor:  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  James E. Haley, 44, Viola, Illinois  Viola man caught on child pornography and sexual assault charges  A Viola man was arrested on child pornography and sexual assault charges following an investigation by Illinois State Police (ISP) and Viola Police Department. James E. Haley, 44, was arrested Thursday, August 15, 2019 after an ISP investigation uncovered digital child pornography, according to a press release from the agency. After receiving sexual abuse accusations against Haley and information that he was allegedly manufacturing child pornography, Viola police requested help with the investigation from ISP on June 13, according to the press release. Haley is charged with one count each of aggravated criminal sexual abuse and aggravated criminal sexual assault, according to the Mercer County State Attorney's Office. He is also charged with 14 counts of child pornography. Haley is accused of committing the criminal charges in 2014 and 2015 against a single victim who was 15-years-old at the time, according to court records from the attorney's office.  
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 >From Karen My new girlfriend, Karen, got a job at a local hardware store. "The owner doesn't want us hanging out with our friends," she said. "If you stop by, tell them you're my brother." On my first visit I walked to the customer service desk and asked the older woman there, "Is Karen around?" When she looked at me quizzically, I added, "I'm her brother." She smiled. "What a nice surprise. I'm Karen's mother." 
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 When she got flowers from her husband, my daughter's friend quickly opened the card. All it said was "No." What did that mean? She called her husband, who said, "I didn't attach any message. The florist asked if I had a message and I said, 'No.'" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Storing Yeast You can extend the life of yeast by storing it in the freezer. Active dry yeast can be stored in the freezer for up to a year. Freeze it in sealed plastic or glass container and be sure to mark it with the date of purchase. thriftyfun.Com  ____________________________________________________   
  
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 ___________________________________________________ The following are actual statements found on insurance forms where car drivers attempted to summarize the details of an accident in the fewest words. Coming home I drove into the wrong house and collided with a tree I don't have. The other car collided with mine without giving warning of its intentions. I thought my windows were down but I found out it was up when I put my head through it. I collided with a stationary truck coming the other way. A truck backed through my windshield into my wife's face. A pedestrian hit me and went under my car. The guy was all over the road. I had to swerve a number of times before I hit him. I pulled away from the side of the road, glanced at my mother-in- law and headed over the embankment. In my attempt to kill a fly, I drove into a telephone pole. I had been shopping for plants all day and was on my way home. As I reached an intersection, a hedge sprange up, obscuring my vision and I did not see the other car. ___________________________________________________ Two Rabbis and a priest go fishing. When the three are out on the water, one Rabbi says, "Oops, I left the cooler in the trunk, I'd better go get it or we won't be able to eat or drink." The rabbi proceeds to jump out of the boat and hop across the water. A few minutes later, he comes hopping back across the lake with the cooler. The priest sees this and shakes his head in disbelief. He thinks to himself "Theres only one person I know who can do that and I doubt he's a Rabbi." A couple of minutes later, the other Rabbi says, "Oh no, I left my lucky fishing hat in the car. Nobody ever catches a fish unless I have that hat on." He then proceeds to get out of the boat and hop across the water to the shore. A minute later he comes hopping across the lake back into the boat. Now the priest is in absolute disbelief. He thinks, "Hmm, there must be something in the water. I'm going to try this." The priest says, "Uh-oh, I left my keys in the car. Wouldn't want to lose those." He then steps out of the boat and falls in the water. He gets out again and once again goes *splash*. The two rabbis look at each other and one of them says, "Do you think we should tell him where the stepping stones are?" ___________________________________________________ Irish police are being handicapped in a search for a stolen van, because they cannot issue a description. It's a Special Branch vehicle and they don't want the public to know what it looks like. (The Guardian) __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, August 17 in 1790 The capital city of the U.S. moved to Philadelphia from New York City. 1807 Robert Fulton's "North River Steam Boat" (known as the "Clermont") began heading up New York's Hudson River on its successful round-trip to Albany. 1815 Napoleon began serving his exile when he arrived at the island of St. Helena. 1859 A hot air balloon was used to carry mail for the first time. John Wise left Lafayette, IN, for New York City with 100 letters. He had to land after only 27 miles. 1863 Federal batteries and ships bombarded Fort Sumter in Charleston, SC, harbor during the Civil War. 1894 John Wadsworth of Louisville set a major league record when he gave up 28 base hits in a single game. 1896 The Klondike gold rush was set off by George Carmack discovering gold on Rabbit Creek in Alaska. 1903 Joseph Pulitzer donated a million dollars to Columbia University. This started the Pulitzer Prizes in his name. 1915 Charles F. Kettering received a patent for the first electric ignition device. They had been in use in Europe, but never patented. 1939 The movie "Wizard of Oz" premiered in New York. It had premiered in Hollywood on August 15. 1943 The Allied conquest of Sicily was completed as U.S. and British forces entered Messina. 1945 The nationalists of Indonesia declared their independence from the Netherlands. 1961 The Communist East German government completed the construction of the Berlin Wall. 1973 Lee Trevino got the first hole in one of his career at the U.S.I. Golf Classic, in Sutton, MA. 1977 Florists Transworld Delivery (FTD) reported that in one day the number of orders for flowers to be delivered to Graceland had surpassed the number for any other event in the company's history. 1978 Maxie Anderson, Ben Abruzzo and Larry Newman became the first to land after a successful trans-Atlantic balloon flight. The voyage began in Presque Isle, ME and ended in Miserey, France. 1982 The U.S. Senate approved an immigration bill that granted permanent resident status to illegal aliens who had arrived in the United States before 1977. 1985 A year-long strike began when 1,400 Geo. A. Hormel and Co. meat packers walked off the job. 1992 Woody Allen admitted to being romantically involved with Soon-Yi Previn. The girl was the adopted daughter of Mia Farrow, Allen's longtime companion. 1996 A military cargo plane crashed in Wyoming killing eight crewmembers and a Secret Service employee. The plane was carrying gear for U.S. President Clinton. 1996 Ross Perot was announced to be the Reform Party's presidential candidate. It was the party's first-ever candidate. 1998 U.S. President Clinton admitted to having an improper relationship with Monica Lewinsky, a White House intern. 1998 Russia devalued the ruble. 2002 In Santa Rosa, CA, the Charles M. Schulz Museum opened to the public. 2019 Do smiled.