Good Morning, Do! Today is Thursday, May 30 The thick forest fire smoke loaded with CO2 sure made the lawns explode all of a sudden. Some are pure yellow with dandelions. My Saskatoon bushes skipped a week and are suddenly in full bloom. They shot up higher too. Photographers are of course bitching and whining about the thick smoke, but nature loves it! Right now we get smoke from BC coming over the Rockies, and when the wind changes, we get smoke from Northern Alberta. Visibility is about the same as it was in New York, when they built the Empire State building and could not see the ground from up there. They will have the forest fires all extinguished in a few months, but in the meantime the smoke should create a bumper crop for the grain farmers. _____________________________________________________ Today, May 30 in 1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: They snorted grampa's ashes  ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that make you want to live to be a hundred. --- Woody Allen (1935 - ) Meetings are indispensable when you don't want to do anything. --- John Kenneth Galbraith British scientists are now seeking permission to fuse human cells with rabbit eggs. Their goal is to create a human with a lucky foot. --- Jay Leno _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A guy and a girl are having a drink together in a bar. The man raises his glass and says, "Here's hoping you're in Heaven ten minutes before the devil knows you're dead!" "What's that mean?" asks the girl. "That," answers her date, "is an authentic Irish toast." "Oh. Well, here's to bread, eggs and cinnamon." "Bread, eggs and cinnamon? What's that?" The girl says, "That's French toast." ______________________________________________________`   _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Waldo Soroa, Matrix Andaluz, Jose David Diaz Marrero Florida  Snorting Ash  
 Drug addicts can be desperate individuals, but none are as desperate as those that snort dead people. Waldo Soroa, Matrix Andaluz, and Jose David Diaz Marrero broke into a house and thought they had scored heaps of cocaine. Turns out it was just an urn that contained the ashes of a woman's father and her two Great Danes. Diaz-Marrero pleaded guilty to the crime back in June. "I recognize that I've made a big mistake," he said in court according to The Ocala Star-Banner. Diaz-Marrero pleaded guilty to the crime back in June. "I recognize that I've made a big mistake," he said in court according to The Ocala Star-Banner. He received eight years in prison, and after that he'll receive six years of probation and will be ordered to pay $20,000 in restitution. Andaluz has previously been sentenced to nine years in prison, with 12 years of probation. Soroa's case is still pending.  DearWebby's tech Support Pits  From Lorne Re: Cheap Glossy  DearWebby, Is there a way around buying the ridiculously expensive coated paper and still print well enough with an inkjet to make signs around the company and for menus ? Lorne  Dear Lorne Just cut up some old safety posters and use the back side. The blank back sides of old wall calendars work just as well. Avoid the super light weight, thin bargain paper. Thin paper is OK for laser, but not for inkjet. Slightly heavier than bargain photocopier paper works quite well. To get the deep, glossy look of expensive photopaper, just let the ink dry and then spray the pages lightly with archive spray or fixativ spray, or semi-gloss exterior varnish spary. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A teenager was sitting in church, and when the collection plate was passed around, he quickly pulled a dollar bill from his pocket and dropped it in. Just then, the person behind him tapped him on his shoulder and handed him a $20 bill. The boy smiled, placed the $20 in the plate and passed it on, admiring that the man was being generous. Then the boy felt another tap from behind and heard a whisper: "Son," the man said, "that was your $20 bill that had fallen out of your pocket." 
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 Before Linda became engaged, she was quite the beauty, and didn't mind letting her boyfriend know it, too. "A lot of men are gonna be totally miserable when I marry," she told him. "Really?" asked the boyfriend, "And, just how many men are you intending to marry?" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Discounts for Installing Windows If you need to replace the windows in your house, see if your electric company offers any rebates or coupons for new window installation. You can usually find significant savings if you replace them at the right time. You should also save your receipts and check for tax incentives when you file. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
This is some serious hair! 
 ___________________________________________________ Andy came to work one day, limping something awful. One of his co-workers, Josh, noticed and asked Andy what happened. Andy replied, "Oh, nothing. It's just an old hockey injury that acts up once in a while." Josh, "Gee, I never knew you played hockey." Andy, "No I don't. I hurt it last year when I lost $1,000 on the Stanley Cup play-offs. I put my foot through the television." ___________________________________________________ Little Johnny had just returned from his honeymoon and was settling down in their new apartment. Coming home from work one night the landlady met Little Johnny in the hallway and said, "I have a couple of extra tickets to a play in town tonight, and I wonder if you and your new bride would like to have them?" "I'll ask her," Little Johnny responded. He opened the door to his apartment and called out, "Honey, would you like to see 'Oliver Twist' tonight?" "No Way!!," his bride screamed, "If you show me one more trick with that thing, I'm going home to my Mother!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 As a new school Principal, Mr. Mitchell was checking over his school on the first day. Passing the stockroom, he was startled to see the door wide open and teachers bustling in and out, carrying off books and supplies in preparation for the arrival of students the next day. The school where he had been a Principal the previous year had used a check-out system only slightly less elaborate than that at Fort Knox. Cautiously, he asked the school's long time Custodian, "Do you think it's wise to keep the stock room unlocked and to let the teachers take things without requisitions?" The Custodian looked at him gravely. "We trust them with the children, don't we?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today May 30 in 1416 Jerome of Prague was burned as a heretic by the Church. 1431 Joan of Arc was burned at the stake in Rouen, France, at the age of 19. 1527 The University of Marburg was founded in Germany. 1539 Hernando de Soto, the Spanish explorer, landed in Florida with 600 soldiers to search for gold. 1783 The first daily newspaper was published in the U.S. by Benjamin Towner called "The Pennsylvania Evening Post" 1814 The First Treaty of Paris was declared, which returned France to its 1792 borders. 1848 W.G. Young patented the ice cream freezer. 1854 The U.S. territories of Nebraska and Kansas were established. 1868 Memorial Day was observed widely for the first time in the U.S. 1879 William Vanderbilt renamed New York City's Gilmore's Garden to Madison Square Garden. 1883 Twelve people were trampled to death in New York City in a stampede when a rumor that the Brooklyn Bridge was in danger of collapsing occurred. The bridge was fine. It was just CO2 style scare mongering. 1896 The first automobile accident occurred in New York City. 1903 In Riverdale, NY, the first American motorcycle hill climb was held. 1911 Ray Harroun won the first Indianapolis 500. At the time, it was known as International 500-Mile Sweepstakes Race. Harroun's average speed was 74.59 miles per hour. 1912 The U.S. Marines were sent to Nicaragua to protect American interests. 1913 The First Balkan War ended. 1921 The U.S. Navy transferred the Teapot Dome oil reserves to the Department of the Interior. 1922 The Lincoln Memorial was dedicated in Washington, DC. 1933 Sally Rand introduced her exotic and erotic fan dance to audiences at Chicago's Century of Progress Exposition. 1943 American forces secured the Aleutian island of Attu from the Japanese during World War II. 1958 Unidentified soldiers killed in World War II and the Korean conflicts were buried at Arlington National Cemetery. 1967 Daredevil Evel Knievel jumped 16 automobiles in a row in a motorcycle stunt at Ascot Speedway in Gardena, CA. 1967 The state of Biafra seceded from Nigeria and Civil war erupted. 1971 Mariner 9, the American deep space probe blasted off on a journey to Mars. 1971 Blue Ribbon Sports officially became Nike, Inc. 1981 In Chittagong, Bangladesh, President Ziaur Rahman was assassinated. 1982 Spain became the 16th NATO member. Spain was the first country to enter the Western alliance since West Germany in 1955. 1983 Peru's President Fernando Belaunde Terry declared a state of emergency and suspended civil rights after bombings by leftist rebels. 1989 The "Goddess of Democracy" statue (33 feet height) was erected in Tiananmen Square by student demonstrators. 1996 Britain's Prince Andrew and the former Sarah Ferguson were granted an uncontested decree ending their 10-year marriage. 1997 Jesse K. Timmendequas was convicted in Trenton, NJ, of raping and strangling a 7-year-old neighbor, Megan Kanka. The 1994 murder inspired "Megan's Law," requiring that communities be notified when sex offenders move in. 1998 A powerful earthquake hit northern Afghanistan killing up to 5,000. 2002 In New York, a ceremony was held to officially mark the end of the clean up from the World Trade Center terrorist attacks on September 11, 2001. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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