Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, April 28 Pink Super Moon tonight! ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Uber passenger lured driver into armed ambush with 3 kids in the car (while on bond for gun charges) ___________________________________________________ Today, April 28 in 2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination was the international space station. ____________________________________________________ Study without desire spoils the memory, and it retains nothing that it takes in. --- Leonardo da Vinci (1452 - 1519) ---------- Yes, College and University are prime examples of that. ____________________________________________________ It's an age-old truism. Men will quickly fall asleep after having sex. And I know why, too. It's because they've been up half the night begging for it. --------- That is how I learned English! ____________________________________________________ My friend called his car insurance company to tell them to change his address from Texas to Vermont. The woman who took the call asked where Vermont was. As he tried to explain, she interrupted and said, "Look, I'm not stupid or anything, but what state is it in?" ____________________________________________________ ____________________________________________________ Written to Rexall Drug's Customer Service Center: Dear Carb Solutions, I'm trying to lose a few pounds and last night I tried your Carb Solutions Taste Sensations - Creamy Chocolate Peanut Butter (Serial Number: MC53097 BEST BY040704) for the first time. The bar was a substitute for my dinner because I was on the road. I want you to know that I have discovered your secret formula for weight loss and I plan on stealing it. I too will make something so truly disgusting in taste that it makes the victim . . . err, uhhh . . . "dieter" not want to eat anything because they're physically nauseous. This morning I defecated an exact replica of the bar I ate last night. I plan on taking my feces and your bar to shopping malls and asking people to take a bite of each and see if they can tell the difference. It is true that my butt won't be able to produce as many "Taste Sensations" as your company can, but at over $2 a bar it will be a nice second income for me. Like your company, I will probably only be able to sell one bar to a customer before they decide never to buy from me again -- so I'll have to keep moving all of the time. They'll probably make a movie about me. Soon to be your competitor... xxxxxxxx Bellingham, Massachusetts ____________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Corey Williams, 19, Chicago, Illinois, USA Uber passenger lured driver into armed ambush with 3 kids in the car (while on bond for gun charges) Prosecutors say a 19-year-old man brought a woman and three children along as he apparently directed an Uber driver into an armed carjacking ambush on the citys South Side this week. The woman and kids werent injured, but their rideshare driver did get walloped in the head with a pistol, according to the allegations. Corey Williams ordered the Uber ride Monday for himself, a woman, and three kids, then asked the driver to pull into an alley after they arrived at their destination, prosecutors said. The driver refused to enter the alley, and the woman got out of the car with the kids. Suddenly, three masked men who were each armed with a handgun ran up to the car as Williams allegedly opened the drivers side door. He had a gun, too, prosecutors said. Williams hit the 27-year-old driver in the back of his head with a handgun and got into the drivers seat while the other three men climbed into the other seats, according to prosecutors. The car sped away. Around noon on Wednesday, a Chicago police license plate reader noticed the hijacked car traveling in the Grand Crossing neighborhood. Patrol officers found the car and saw Williams driving it, but he refused to pull over, prosecutors said. Cops arrested Williams after he allegedly crashed the car a short time later. He was carrying the victims ID and three of the victims credit cards, according to prosecutors. A loaded handgun was allegedly found on the drivers floorboard of the wrecked car. The Uber driver later identified Williams in a line-up as the person who pistol-whipped him and drove away with his car, prosecutors said. Williams was on bail for a pending felony charge of aggravated unlawful use of a weapon and possessing a defaced firearm at the time of the alleged carjacking. He was recently charged with escaping electronic monitoring in that case, too. Prosecutors charged him Thursday with felony counts of aggravated vehicular hijacking with a firearm, aggravated unlawful use of a weapon, aggravated possession of a stolen motor vehicle, armed robbery with a firearm, possession of a controlled substance. Hes also charged with a misdemeanor count of leaving the scene of an accident. Judge David Navarro ordered him held without bail. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From:Bonita Re: Gmail full alarm Dear Webby My Gmail is getting close to the 15 GB limit. PANIK! Actually BIG PANIK! How do I trim it down? Bonita Dear Bonita There are many ways to do that. Some are quite radical. Let's start with the tame ones: Dump the trash, dump the spam. You will never look at those anyway. Since you seem to be one of the unfortunate few, who don't have MailWasher yet, you probably have tons of unwanted ads. Pick one, for example one advertising weight loss. Copy the recurring part of their address or subject, and put that into the search at the top. 27,000 of them! Click the little square above the select squares. That selects all the ones showing. Hit DELETE. They are gone in seconds. Aint't this fun! Pick the next frequent nuisance. Do the same. If you have a lot of silly movies, that you will never watch again, then search for mp4 You might even have a bunch of mp3. OK, now dump the trash again and now look at the mailbox size. Pat yourself where it feels good. Have FUN! DearWebby The showers in my daughter's dorm turned scalding hot whenever a toilet was flushed. To warn others, residents would yell out, "Flushing!" each time they flushed the toilets. During one of my daughter's visits home, a friend stopped by to chat for a while. I was explaining how my daughter was acting more distant now that she was in college, and that she didn't tell me all about her life the way she used to. Suddenly we heard my daughter call out from the bathroom, "Flushing!" "Wow!" said my friend, "How much more do you want to know?" | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ We were on our way to the hospital where our 16-year-old daughter was scheduled to undergo a tonsillectomy. During the ride we talked about how the procedure would be performed. "Dad," our teenager asked, "how are they going to keep my mouth open during the surgery?" Without hesitation he quipped, "They're going to give you a phone." ____________________________________________ A completely inebriated man walked into a bar and, after staring for some time at the only woman seated at the bar, walked over to her, placed his hand in an improper place and began fondling her. She jumped up and slapped him silly. He immediately apologized and explained, "I'm sorry. I thought you were my wife. You look exactly like her." "Why you drunken, worthless, insufferable ass!" she screamed. "Funny," he muttered, "you even sound exactly like her." ____________________________________________ After having their eleventh child, a Mississippi couple decided that was enough as they could not afford a larger bed. So the husband went to his veterinarian and told him that he and his cousin did not want to have any more children. The vet told him that there was a procedure called a vasectomy that could fix the problem but that it was expensive. A less costly alternative was to go home, get a cherry bomb (fireworks are legal in Mississippi) light it, put it in a beer can and then hold it up to his ear and count to ten. The husband said, "I may not be the smartest guy in the world but I don't see how putting a cherry bomb in a beer can next to my ear is going to help me." "Trust me" said the vet. So the husband went home, lit a cherry bomb and put it in a beer can. He held it up to his ear and began to count: One, Two, Three, Four, Five, at which point he paused, placed the beer can between his legs so he could resume counting on his other hand. This procedure also works in Tennessee and Alabama!!! ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today, April 28 in 1282 Villagers in Palermo led a revolt against French rule in Sicily. 1635 Virginia Governor John Harvey was accused of treason and removed from office. 1686 The first volume of Isaac Newton's "Principia Mathamatic" was published. 1789 A mutiny on the British ship Bounty took place when a rebel crew took the ship and set sail to Pitcairn Island. The mutineers left Captain W. Bligh and 18 sailors adrift. 1818 U.S. President James Monroe proclaimed naval disarmament on the Great Lakes and Lake Champlain. 1896 The Addressograph was patented by J.S. Duncan. 1902 A revolution broke out in the Dominican Republic. 1910 First night air flight was performed by Claude Grahame- White in England. 1914 W.H. Carrier patented the design of his air conditioner. 1916 The British declared martial law throughout Ireland. 1920 Azerbaijan joined the USSR. 1923 The British Empire Exhibition Stadium (or Empire Stadium) opened to the public. 1930 The first organized night baseball game was played in Independence, Kansas. 1932 The yellow fever vaccine for humans was announced. 1937 The first animated-cartoon electric sign was displayed on a building on Broadway in New York City. It was created by Douglas Leight. 1945 Benito Mussolini and his mistress Clara Petacci were killed by Italian partisans as they attempted to flee the country. 1946 The Allies indicted Tojo with 55 counts of war crimes. 1947 Norwegian anthropologist Thor Heyerdahl and five others set out in a balsa wood craft known as Kon Tiki to prove that Peruvian Indians could have settled in Polynesia. The trip began in Peru and took 101 days to complete the crossing of the Pacific Ocean. 1952 The U.S. occupation of Japan officially ended when a treaty with the U.S. and 47 other countries went into effect. 1953 French troops evacuated from northern Laos. 1962 In the Sahara Desert of Algeria, a team led by Red Adair used explosives to put out the well fire known as the Devil's Cigarette Lighter. The fire was caused by a pipe rupture on November 6, 1961. 1965 The U.S. Army and Marines invaded the Dominican Republic to evacuate Americans. 1967 Muhammad Ali refused induction into the U.S. Army and was stripped of boxing title. He cited religious grounds for his refusal, that as a Muslim he was not allowed to fight for America. 1969 Charles de Gaulle resigned as president of France. 1969 In Santa Rosa, CA, Charles M. Schulz's Redwood Empire Ice Arena opened. 1985 The largest sand castle in the world was completed near St. Petersburg, FL. It was four stories tall. 1988 In Maui, HI, one flight attendant was killed when the fuselage of a Boeing 737 ripped open in mid-flight. 1989 Mobil announced that they were divesting from South Africa because congressional restrictions were too costly. 1992 The U.S. Agriculture Department unveiled a pyramid-shaped recommended-diet chart. 1994 Former CIA official Aldrich Ames, who had given U.S. secrets to the Soviet Union and then Russia, pled guilty to espionage and tax evasion. He was sentenced to life in prison without parole. 1996 U.S. President Clinton gave a 4 1/2 hour videotaped testimony as a defense witness in the criminal trial of his former Whitewater business partners. 1997 A worldwide treaty to ban chemical weapons took effect. Russia and other countries such as Iraq and North Korea did not sign. 1999 The U.S. House of Representatives rejected (on a tie vote of 213-213) a measure expressing support for NATO's five-week- old air campaign in Yugoslavia. The House also voted to limit the president's authority to use ground forces in Yugoslavia. 2001 A Russian rocket launched from Central Asia with the first space tourist aboard. The crew consisted of California businessman Dennis Tito and two cosmonauts. The destination was the international space station. 2008 India set a world record when it sent 10 satellites into orbit from a single launch. 2021 Do smiled. |
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