Good Morning, Do! Today is Wednesday, July 31 _____________________________________________________ Today, July 31 in  1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a series of cars under his name. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Florida Man Poured Cup Of Semen On Panera Customer  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ A celebrity is a person who works hard all his life to become well known, then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized. --- Fred Allen (1894 - 1956) Anybody can sympathise with the sufferings of a friend, but it requires a very fine nature to sympathise with a friend's success. --- Oscar Wilde (1854 - 1900) _____________________________________________________ Thanks to Barb for this report: My three-year-old daughter and I went shopping with my mother. A rather large woman, Mom sometimes has a tough time finding just the right fit. When my mother picked out a yellow suit, my daughter went into the dressing room with her. A moment later Mom asked her how she liked the outfit. My daughter replied, "Oh, Nana, you look so pretty---just like a big yellow school bus." ______________________________________________________`   African Emerald Cuckoo _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Patrick Bruce, 28, Talahasse, Floriduh  Florida Man Poured Cup Of Semen On Panera Customer  A Florida man is facing charges after police said he dumped a foam cup containing semen over a woman at Panera. Tallahassee Police arrested 28-year-old Patrick Bruce on Tuesday and charged him with two counts of battery, indecent exposure and commission of a lewd and lascivious act. Police said on Sept. 12, Bruce allegedly entered the restaurant and stared at two women who were dining and doing homework. He then moved to a table close to the women while continuing to stare at them, the Tallahassee Democrat reports. The women told police they saw Bruce leave the restaurant and return with a foam fountain drink cup. Bruce then allegedly went into the Panera bathroom. When he came out, he allegedly poured the contents of the cup on one of the women, saying Here you go, according to WPEC-TV. The woman screamed when she realized the liquid substance in the cup wasn't soda, police said. The victims told police Bruce apologized before driving away. Panera employees told police that Bruce dropped his cellphone at the restaurant. When they looked through it, they say they found a video of the suspect masturbating into a cup matching the one he held during the alleged incident, according to WTXL. The phone was turned over as evidence. Investigators said Bruce has a history of indecent acts in public. In June, he was accused of rubbing his penis on an employee at a sports bar, but no arrests were made in this case because the victim was not aware she'd been touched until a co-worker told her. Police said Bruce's mother told them he was schizophrenic and off his medication, according to WPEC. In August, Bruce allegedly followed a woman home to her front door, then began to dance and roll in the grass near the parking lot. Bruce was due in court Thursday morning. A mental health expert was appointed for a pre-bond screening.  
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Dona Re: Cleaning keyboards  Dear Webby, What is the best way to clean keyboards without prying the keys off and putting them into the dishwasher? Dona  Dear Dona Prying the keys off was probably a cartoon you saw somewhere. There is no need for that with modern keyboards. Whack the keyboard onto a newspaper covered table, then vacuum it thoroughly. A rechargeable car vacuum works just fine or a regular floor and furniture vacuum. Thake a soft bath sponge, dip it into dish water, hold the keyboard upside down and scrub the key side with the sponge. Set it onto a towel, keys down, and let it drip dry for a while. That is all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby 
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 A teacher said to her class, "From the outset, I want you all to know there are two words that are absolutely unacceptable in this classroom. You cannot use them as you recite or on any of your papers, tests or homework. Using the words even once will earn you a failing grade for the quarter. The first one is 'gross' and the other one is 'cool.' Are there any questions?" A student said, "OK, so, what are these cool and gross words?" 
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 The Harvard School of Medicine did a study to determine why married women love Chinese food so much. The study revealed that this is due to the fact that Won Ton spelled backwards is: Not Now. ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com DVD Subscription Services - Use It Or Lose It Movie subscription services like Netflix can be a great deal, but only if you use them. Keep track of how many movies you receive from them each month and divide that by the monthly service fee. Makes sure you are actually getting a good deal. thriftyfun.Com   ____________________________________________________   
  
Grand Dad Bill 
 ___________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was talking to her young pupils about how they should behave in church. "Now," she said, "who can tell me why you should be quiet when you are sitting with your parents in church?" One little girl put up her hand. "Yes Jane, tell everyone why!" said the teacher. Replied Jane, "Because people are sleeping!" ___________________________________________________ My mother was recently on a flight returning from Utah. As the plane was a small puddle jumper, the flight attendants were required to demonstrate the life vest, the oxygen mask, etc. instead of turning on a video. After they finished their presentation, one of them said "To those of you who listened, thank you. To those of you who ignored us, good luck." ___________________________________________________ "While the fires were smoldering in California, much of the state was participating in an earthquake drill. They pre- tended there was a 7.8 earthquake. They say it was the biggest pretend earthquake ever to hit the United States." --- Jimmy Kimmel __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 An acquaintance of mine was hired as a research assistant by the physics department of a West Coast university to investigate the thermodynamic properties of wood. Two weeks after starting work he was approached by an encyclopedia salesman who explained that purchase of the encyclopedia entitled the buyer to have any three special questions answered completely. To save himself a great deal of work, the researcher bought the encyclopedia, stipulating for his first free question a full dissertation on the thermodynamic properties of wood. Three weeks later the head of the physics department called the research assistant into his office and said, "We have a request from an encyclopedia company. One of their customers has asked for a report on the thermodynamic properties of wood. Please prepare the report for them." ___________________________________________________  
 Today, July 31 in 1498 Christopher Columbus, on his third voyage to the Western Hemisphere, arrived at the island of Trinidad. 1790 The first U.S. patent was issued to Samuel Hopkins for his process for making potash and pearl ashes. The substance was used in fertilizer. 1792 The cornerstone of the U.S. Mint in Philadelphia, PA, was laid. It was the first building to be used only as a U.S. government building. 1919 Germany's Weimar Constitution was adopted. 1928 MGM's Leo the lion roared for the first time. He introduced MGM's first talking picture, "White Shadows on the South Seas." 1932 Enzo Ferrari retired from racing. In 1950 he launched a series of cars under his name. 1945 Pierre Laval of France surrendered to Americans in Austria. 1948 U.S. President Truman helped dedicate New York International Airport (later John F. Kennedy International Airport) at Idlewild Field. 1955 Marilyn Bell of Toronto, Canada, at age 17, became the youngest person to swim the English Channel. 1959 The Euskadi Ta Askatasuna (ETA) was founded. The group is known for being an armed Basque nationalist and separatist organization. 1964 The American space probe Ranger 7 transmitted pictures of the moon's surface. 1971 Men rode in a vehicle on the moon for the first time in a lunar rover vehicle (LRV). 1980 China's population reached 1 billion. 1982 Yugoslavia imposed a six-month freeze on prices. 1989 A pro-Iranian group in Lebanon released a videotape reportedly showing the hanged body of American hostage William R. Higgins. 1989 The Game Boy handheld video game device was released in the U.S. 1991 U.S. President George H.W. Bush and Soviet President Mikhail Gorbachev signed the Strategic Arms Reduction Treaty. 1995 The Walt Disney Company agreed to acquire Capital Cities/ABC in a $19 billion deal. 1999 The spacecraft Lunar Prospect crashed into the moon. It was a mission to detect frozen water on the moon's surface. The craft had been launched on January 6, 1998. 2007 The iTunes Music Store reached 2 million feature length films sold. 2019 Do smiled.