Good Morning, Do! Today is Saturday, September 10  ___________________________________________________ History on this day, September 10, in 1953, Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." ____________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award Fresno double killing suspect bail refused ____________________________________________________ Marriage is the only adventure open to the cowardly. --- Voltaire (1694 - 1778) I've gone into hundreds of [fortune-teller's parlors], and have been told thousands of things, but nobody ever told me I was a policewoman getting ready to arrest her. --- New York City detective Everything you can imagine is real. --- Pablo Picasso (1881 - 1973) ____________________________________________________ The husband didn't want to play in the "Couples Alternate Shot Tournament" at the club, but he reluctantly agreed just for the sake of martial harmony. He got the first shot. He teed off, a par four, and fired a drive 300 yard down the middle of the fairway. When they reached the ball, he said to his wife (a novice golfer), "Just hit it towards the green, hon, anywhere around there will be fine." She proceeded to knock the ball deep into the woods. Undaunted, he said, "That's ok, dear, we'll play it." He spent five full minutes looking for the ball. He played it for the shot of his life and actually put the ball just two feet from the hole on the green. Arriving on the green he said, "Now, dear, all you have to do is knock it gently into the hole." She whacked it a good one, right off the green and into a sand trap. The husband, still retaining his composure, marched into the sand trap, summoned all of his skill, and amazingly holed the shot from there. Retrieving the ball from the hole he put his arm around his wife and calmly said, "Honey, that was a bogey -- one over par -- but that's ok. I think we can do better on the next hole." She snapped back at him, "Don't bitch at ME. Only *2* of those *5* shots were mine!" ____________________________________________________ Doctor: "Have you ever been troubled by appendicitis?" Patient: "Only when I've tried to spell it." __________________________________________________  Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Nicholas House, 21, Fresno, California, USA  Fresno double killing suspect bail refused  Police believe cell phone video recorded the shootings by 21-year-old Nicholas House. An accused double killer will stay in jail until his trial - after a judge rejected a release recommendation from the probation department Monday. Police believe cell phone video recorded the shootings by 21-year-old Nicholas House. House stood behind his defense attorney on Monday as he started his fight against charges of murder and voluntary manslaughter. "Enter pleas of not guilty," said defense attorney Sam Luten. "Deny any priors. Deny any enhancements." House is accused of gunning down 19-year-old Nicole Diaz and her boyfriend, 17-year-old Noah Golding, in Fresno. Police said Diaz and House's 19-year-old girlfriend agreed to meet for a fight back in May. Bystanders recorded video of the fight as Golding and Diaz took shots with fists or a bat-like object at the other young woman. A screenshot from the video appears to show one of the gunshots that killed Golding and Diaz. Police say they later caught House in a getaway vehicle with a couple guns, one of which matched shell casings from the crime scene. But a pretrial report from the probation department assessed House as a low-level risk and recommended releasing him pending trial. "The report states he's a level 2," Luten said before the judge interrupted. "I don't consider these reports as binding whatsoever on the Court," said Judge Francine Zepeda. "You can go ahead. I find them to be generally lacking because to find someone who has these charges and find them to be a Level 2, to me, is, actually, a little beyond the pale." Prosecutors pointed out a level of planning and argued against House's release. "The defendant went to the location with a bulletproof vest on and brought a firearm into a situation, and then used the firearm, killing two individuals," Deborah Miller said. "What was he anticipating when he went there?" legal analyst Tony Capozzi said of the suspect bringing a gun and a bulletproof vest. "Was he anticipating killing these people, or was he waiting to see if he or his girlfriend was going to be put in a life-threatening situation?" Police say nobody else had a gun at the fight, but Capozzi says that potential is a likely defense. Judge Zepeda agreed with prosecutors on the level of danger House poses, and her decision drew cheers from Golding's family members and friends in court. "I will hold him as a danger to the community, and I'll hold him on no bail whatsoever as a danger to the community," she said. Golding's older brother, Isaiah Murrietta-Golding, was killed by a Fresno police officer in 2017. His family got a settlement of almost $5 million. His mother is accused of using some of the money to find gun trafficking for a gang. House is due back in court in late October. _____________________________________________________ A woman, her husband, and their three rambunctious young sons were in their car waiting at a traffic light. The woman glanced over at the car next them, noticing a blissfully happy mother with her baby daughter. Looking at her husband she said, "As soon as I lose my weight from the last baby, I want to try for a daughter." The husband reached up to the dash, grabbed an open box of snacks, and said, "Here, have another cookie." _____________________________________________________   Dale Paul Impressive Bald Eagle posing on a tree branch. This beautiful creature was quite content to let me take a few photos without any concern about my presence. Taken August 8/22 northwest of Banff. I am always amazed by the detail of the feathers and the size of the talons! _____________________________________________________ Sandy began a job as an elementary school counselor and she was eager to help. One day during recess she noticed a girl standing by herself on one side of a playing field while the rest of the kids enjoyed a game of soccer at the other. Sandy approached and asked if she was all right. The girl said she was. A little while later, however, sandy noticed the girl was in the same spot, still by herself. Approaching again, sandy offered, "would you like me to be your friend?" The girl hesitated, then said, "okay," looking at the woman suspiciously. Feeling she was making progress, sandy then asked, "why are you standing here all alone?" "Because," the little girl said with great exasperation, "I'm the goalie!" _____________________________________________________   Merlin, Calgary ___________________________________________________ The little place I grew up in Texas the population never changed. Every time a gal had a baby a guy left town. --- Willy Nelson _________________________________________________  DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Rhonda RE: Clean temp files and obsolete stuff Dear Webby, Which of the hundreds of programs available for cleaning old temp files and other useless stuff is the most bang for the buck ? Thanks Rhonda  Dear Rhonda Try CrapCleaner. It does the same as programs costing over $100. You can get it from http://www.ccleaner.com HaveFUN! DearWebby ___________________________________________________ When my sister's husband died, she went to the bank to put his affairs in order. The young clerk looked up their joint account and then asked, "Which of you is deceased?" _____________________________________________________ >From Rock: Cheese Farm Tour Overseas As they stopped at a cheese farm, a young guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goats milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing. "These", she explained, "are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce." She then asked, "What do you do in America with your old goats?" A spry old gentleman answered, "They send us on bus tours." _____________________________________________ Ophelia Dingbatter's News No sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt- in confirmation request. ____________________________________________________  Today, September 10, in 1608, John Smith was elected president of the Jamestown, VA colony council. 1794, America's first non-denominational college was chartered. Blount College later became the University of Tennessee. 1813, The first defeat of British naval squadron occurred in the Battle of Lake Erie during the War of 1812. The leader of the U.S. fleet sent the famous message "We have met the enemy, and they are ours" to U.S. General William Henry Harrison. 1845, King Willem II opened Amsterdam Stock exchange. 1846, Elias Howe received a patent for his sewing machine. 1862, Rabbi Jacob Frankel became the first Jewish Army chaplain. 1897, British police arrest George Smith for drunken driving. It was the first DUI. 1899, A second quake in seven days hit Yakutat Bay, AK. It measured 8.6. 1913, The Lincoln Highway opened. It was the first paved coast-to-coast highway in the U.S. 1919, New York City welcomed home 25,000 soldiers and General John J. Pershing who had served in the First Division during World War I. 1919, Austria and the Allies signed the Treaty of St.- Germain-en-Laye. Austria recognized the independence of Poland, Hungary, Czechoslovakia and Yugoslavia. 1921, The Ayus Autobahn in Germany opened near Berlin. The road is known for its nonexistent speed limit. 1923, The Irish Free state joined the League of Nations. 1926, Germany joined the League of Nations. 1935, "Popeye" was heard on NBC radio for the first time. 1939, Canada declared war on Germany. 1940, In Britain, Buckingham Palace was hit by German bomb. 1942, U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt mandated gasoline rationing as part of the U.S. wartime effort. 1943, German forces began their occupation of Rome during World War II. 1948, Mildred "Axis Sally" Gillars was indicted for treason in Washington, DC. Gillars was a Nazi radio propagandist during World War II. She was convicted and spent 12 years in prison. 1951, Britain began an economic boycott of Iran. 1953, Swanson began selling its first "TV dinner." 1955, "Gunsmoke" premiered on CBS. 1955, Bert Parks began a 25-year career as host of the "Miss America Pageant" on NBC. 1956, Great Britain performed a nuclear test at Maralinga, Australia. 1963, Twenty black students entered public schools in Alabama at the end of a standoff between federal authorities and Alabama governor George C. Wallace. 1979, U.S. President Carter granted clemency to four Puerto Rican nationalists who had been imprisoned for an attack on the U.S. House of Representatives in 1954 and an attempted assassination of U.S. President Truman in 1950. 1981, Pablo Picasso's mural Guernica was received in the town of Guernica. 1984, The Federal Communications Commission changed a rule to allow broadcasters to own 12 AM and 12 FM radio stations. The previous limit was 7 of each. 1989, Hungary gave permission to thousands of East German refugees and visitors to immigrate to West Germany. 1990, Iran agreed to resume full diplomatic ties with past enemy Iraq. 1990, Iraq's Saddam Hussein offered free oil to developing nations in an attempt to win their support during the Gulf War Crisis. 1998, U.S. President Clinton met with members of his Cabinet to apologize, ask forgiveness and promise to improve as a person in the wake of the scandal involving Monica Lewinsky. 1999, A bronze sculpture of a war horse just over 24 feet high was dedicated in Milan, Italy. 2002, Florida tested its new elections system. The test resulted in polling stations opening late and problems occurred with the touch screen voting machines. 2002, The "September 11: Bearing Witness to History" exhibit opened at the Smithsonian's National Museum of American History. 2002, Switzerland became the 190th member of the United Nations. 2022 Do! smiled.