Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, November 18 Ice Age is Coming! Venice is expecting 6 feet high flooding this week. They told all the tourists to get lost and make room for the hordes of tabloid photographers and paparazzi, who pay short notice premiums for their rooms. That happens every 10 years or so. It is just routine tidal surge. They made great plans to hold off that kind of flooding last time that happened, but then Berlusconi resigned and nobody else was smart enough to actually do anything. This time the mayor of Venice blames the traditional tidal surge on Gullible Warming. The current flooding won't break any records or even get close to them, but it is fashionable to blame everything on Gullible Warming. ____________________________________________________ Today, November 18 in  1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 Today's Bonehead Award: Michigan home invader stopped with ancient battle axe  _______________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  _______________________________________________ Life's a tough proposition, and the first hundred years are the hardest. --- Wilson Mizner (1876 - 1933) No matter how cynical you get, it is impossible to keep up. --- Lily Tomlin (1939 - ) _______________________________________________ Thanks to Dianne for this story: My girlfriend called me as she was driving to an appointment. She arrived, and I could tell from her voice that she was getting frustrated. Finally, she said, "I know I had my cell phone with me. And now I can't find it!" I replied, "Aren't you talking on it?" There was a solid period of stunned silence as the reality of the situation sank in - followed by, "You are NOT going to tell anybody about this!" ________________________________________________`   ____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Joseph Zak, 37 Fort Pierce, Florida  Michigan home invader stopped with ancient battle axe  A Michigan man whose hobbies include ritualized combat with replica weapons from the Middle Ages says he wielded a battle ax he calls "my baby" to fend off an intruder. Thirty-six-year-old Ben Ball tells WOOD-TV he was playing video games at his apartment in Oshtemo Township, about 130 miles (209 kilometers) west of Detroit, late Wednesday when someone who once dated his ex-roommate kicked in his door. He believed the attacker might be armed. Ball tells the station he grabbed the ax, took two steps forward and struck the intruder in the torso. After the two grappled, the attacker fled. Police deployed a K-9 unit to track a trail of blood leading to 33-year-old Alex Lavell Rawls. Kalamazoo County officials say Rawls spent the night at hospital before going to jail. WOOD-TV reports Rawls faces a home-invasion charges. 
 DearWebby's Tech Support Pits  From: Rosa Re: Cleaning keyboard  Dear Webby, I know you have 'splained this before, but I fergot. How do you clean keyboards? Thanks Rosa  Dear Rosa Well, the methods have changed over the years. You still have to unplug it first. Then take your vacuum cleaner, preferably with the crevice tool, and vacuum it. A rechargible car vacuum works well. Then turn it upside down, lift it up high, and slam it onto the desk, preferably onto an open newspaper. If you have an audience, do some yelling and screaming while you smack it down a few times. It does not hurt a modern keyboard, but it shakes all the cookie crumbs and french fries out. Next get a soft bath sponge, dip it into dish water and sponge off the keyboard until all the gunk is gone. Finally, turn it upside down again, this time onto a towel, and let it drain for ten minutes. That's all there is to it. Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. 
 HOW TO KNOW FOR SURE THAT YOU ARE OLD First, you tell your friend that you are having an affair, * Then your friend asks you.... "Are you having it catered?" * That, my friend, is the definition of OLD! 
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 GROAN ALERT Last night, I was frustrated by a mole who was digging up the hill toward the house, leaving a trail of mounds. So, I went outside to take the hose and try to wash the mole out of its tunnel. As I left the house, I overheard my daughter saying, "There goes dad again, making fountains out of mole hills." ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com  Thriftyfun.com Saving Your Kid's School Work Create a folder each month and file away school work as your child brings it home. In the summer, you can look at each month and decide what to keep, being sure to date it. This also serves as a great way to view the progress that your child made throughout the school year.  Thriftyfun.com also has a newsletter. If you want more than just one tip per day, or if you want to share your tips, then you can subscribe to it here: ThriftyFun http://www.thriftyfun.com/subscribe.ldml ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Invisibility 
 ___________________________________________________ A lady was taking her first golf lesson. "Is the word spelled 'p-u-t' or 'p-u-t-t'?" she asked the instructor. "'P-u-t-t' is correct," he replied. "'Put' means to place a thing where you want it. 'Putt' means a vain attempt to do the same thing." ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Liz for this story: The students in my third-grade class were bombarding me with questions about my newly pierced ears. "Does the hole go all the way through?" "Yes." "Did it hurt?" "Just a little." "Did they stick a needle through your ears?" "No, they used a special gun." Silence followed, and then one solemn voice called out, "How far away did they stand?" ___________________________________________________ A wife and husband both talked in their sleep. She loved auctions; his hobby was golf. The other night, as they slept, the golfer yelled, "Fore!" His wife yelled back, "Four and a quarter !" __________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
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 Today, November 18 in 1477 William Caxton produced "Dictes or Sayengis of the Philosophres," which was the first book to be printed in England. 1820 Captain Nathaniel Palmer became the first American to sight the continent of Antarctica. 1865 Samuel L. Clemens published "The Celebrated Jumping Frog of Calaveras County" under the pen name "Mark Twain" in the New York "Saturday Press." 1883 The U.S. and Canada adopted a system of standard time zones. 1903 The U.S. and Panama signed a treaty that granted the U.S. rights to build and operate the Panama Canal. 1916 Douglas Haig, commander of the British Expeditionary Force in World War I, called off the Battle of the Somme in France. The offensive began on July 1, 1916. 1928 The first successful sound-synchronized animated cartoon premiered in New York. It was Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie," starring Mickey Mouse. 1936 Germany and Italy recognized the Spanish government of Francisco Franco. 1942 "The Skin of Our Teeth," by Thornton Wilder opened on Broadway. 1959 William Wyler's "Ben-Hur" premiered at Loew's Theater in New York City's Times Square. 1966 U.S. Roman Catholic bishops did away with the rule against eating meat on Fridays. 1969 Apollo 12 astronauts Charles "Pete" Conrad Jr. and Alan L. Bean landed on the lunar surface during the second manned mission to the moon. 1976 The parliament of Spain approved a bill that established a democracy after 37 years of dictatorship. 1983 Argentina announced its ability to produce enriched uranium for use in nuclear weapons. 1987 The U.S. Congress issued the Iran-Contra Affair report. The report said that President Ronald Reagan bore "ultimate responsibility" for wrongdoing by his aides. 1987 CBS Inc. announced it had agreed to sell its record division to Sony Corp. for about $2 billion. 1988 U.S. President Reagan signed major legislation providing the death penalty for drug traffickers who kill. 1993 The U.S. House of Representatives joined the U.S. Senate in approving legislation aimed at protecting abortion facilities, staff and patients. 1993 Representatives from 21 South African political parties approved a new constitution. 1997 First Union Corp. announced its purchase of CoreStates Financial Corp. for $16.1 billion. To date it was the largest banking deal in U.S. history. 2001 Nintendo released the GameCube home video game console in the United States. 2019 Do smiled.