Good Morning, Do, Today is Tuesday, September 5 Thank you, Svend !! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Deerfield Beach burglary victim arrested after deputies, called by the burglar alarm, find marijuana. Lots of it!  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 5 in 1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and French fought for six days killing half a million people. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 ______________________________________________________ He has a right to criticize, who has a heart to help. --Abraham Lincoln ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ How often have we heard that television watching can be detrimental? A pastor carried that message one Sunday morning in an impassioned sermon on the evils of TV. "It steals away precious time that could be better spent on other things," he said. He advised the congregation to do what he and his family had done. "We put our TV away in the closet." "That's right," his wife muttered to the woman next to her, "and it gets awfully crowded in there!" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ With more people traveling, the airlines seem to have more problems keeping passengers happy. At the end of one flight, however, one smiling, very satisfied fellow pauses to congratulate the flight attendant. "I want to compliment you and the crew and especially the captain for getting here right on time," he says. "It's not often anymore that an airline gets to where it's going exactly when they claim it will. I'm going to call your home office and let them know how pleased I am." "Why, thank you, sir," the flight attendant answers, "but I think you should know -- this is yesterday's flight." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Anthony Black, 32, Deerfield Beach, Florida  Deerfield Beach burglary victim arrested after deputies, called by the burglar alarm, find marijuana. Lots of it.  A Deerfield Beach homeowner is behind bars after police found about 38 pounds of marijuana while responding to a burglary at his house. Anthony Black went before a judge, Friday, just one day after his home alarm alerted the Broward Sheriff's Office to check out a disturbance. Road patrol received a call that there was an alarm activation at a residence, said BSO Detective Michael Weiner. Someone had broken into Black's home. According to the police report, Black, 32, arrived to find a burglar jumping his fence. When road patrol deputies got there, they went to the back of the house after the resident, owner, secured a couple dogs, realized that the back window to one of the doors was smashed in, said Weiner. Black secured his pit bulls while deputies entered his home, but the burglary soon took a back seat to the officers' latest discovery. BSO Detective Reginald Cleophat said it was the smell of marijuana that caught his attention first. As soon as you walked in, it just hit you in the face, to be honest with you. It was all over the place, said Cleophat. He knew he was caught red-handed. He knew that he messed up, to be honest with you. Bags and bags of weed were found all over the house, along with a gun and thousands of dollars. In the end, it was over 17,000 grams, which equals to about 38 pounds of cannabis. Street worth is about between $100,000 and $101,000 on the streets, said Cleophat. Black was arrested and taken to jail. I'm not a bad guy, Black said to the judge. He was so focused on the fact that he was a victim of a crime, which was the burglary, said Cleophat. It completely escaped his mind that there were narcotics inside of the residence. Black is being held at the Broward County Jail on a $75,000 bond.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Dave Re: Cleaning tracks Dear Webby, Dear Webby I've used windows to automatically keep user IDs, search engine searches, passwords, etc...and now have quite a list. How do I erase these? Thanks in advance for your help. Your newsletter is the first thing we read each morning. Keep up the good work! Dave  Dear Dave CrapCleaner can clean all that, if you checkmark those items. You can get CrapCleaner free at http://webby.com/tools Have FUN! DearWebby    
 Consider the mother and her daughter who were shopping in a mall one day when the mother spied an expensive fur coat. She tried it on and stood in front of the mirror admiring the look and stroking the fur. "This year, I think I'll get myself a birthday present," she said. "But mom," her daughter protested, "some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey. Your father won't get the bill for a couple of weeks." 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Securing Buttons When you buy a new shirt with buttons, put a dab of clear nail polish in the center of each button on the front and back. The nail polish will seal the threads and the button will stay on much longer. Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
NASA e-mailed a wrench to the space station! 
 ____________________________________________________  Hillary was in an accident and required immediate cosmetic surgery. So they toook off her make-up. And then they took off another layer of make-up. And another one. And another one. Working frantically for three days and nights they finally reached the skin. The next morning there was a press release: Jimmy Hoffa has been found ! ___________________________________________________  
 
 Different types of fog. 
 ___________________________________________________ Seven year old Linda asked her mother how old she was. Her mother told her that women often keep their age a secret and changed the subject. Later that day Linda's friend Mary came over for a visit, and she told her about not getting an answer from her mother. Mary suggested to just look it up on her mother's drivers license in her purse on the table. While her mother was busy in the laundry room, they snuck a peek. Later, when mother returned, Linda bragged: "Mom, I know how tall you are! You are 5' 6"." Mother smiled and thought: "Used to be!" Then Linda said:" And I know how much you weigh! 125 punds!" Again mother smiled and thought: "Used to be!" But then Linda announced: "And you were born on February 27, 1960!" Now mother started looking concerned and wondering where Linda got all that information from. Then Linda dropped the bomb shell: "And I know why Daddy divorced you and left! You got an 'F' in sex!" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ A study conducted by the American Psychiatric Association (ASA) today showed that over 64% of the practicing psychiatrists in the U.S. were themselves receiving psychiatric treatment of some kind. A spokeswoman for the ASA said the public should not be concerned, as the remainder were undergoing intensive drug-therapy. ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, Sept 5, in 1698 Russia's Peter the Great imposed a tax on beards. 1774 The first session of the U.S. Continental Congress convened in Philadelphia. The delegates drafted a declaration of rights and grievances, organized the Continental Association, and elected Peyton Randolph as the first president of the Continental Congress. 1793 In France, the "Reign of Terror" began. The National Convention enacted measures to repress the French Revolutionary activities. 1836 Sam Houston was elected as the first president of the Republic of Texas. 1877 Sioux chief Crazy Horse was killed by the bayonet of a U.S. soldier. The chief allegedly resisted confinement to a jail cell. 1881 The American Red Cross provided relief for disaster for the first time. The disaster was the Great Fire of 1881 in Michigan. 1882 The first U.S. Labor Day parade was held in New York City. 1885 Jake Gumper bought the first gasoline pump to be manufactured in the U.S. 1900 France proclaimed a protectorate over Chad. 1905 The Treaty of Portsmouth was signed by Russia and Japan to end the Russo-Japanese War. The settlement was mediated by U.S. President Theodore Roosevelt in New Hampshire. 1914 The Battle of the Marne began. The Germans, British and French fought for six days killing half a million people. 1917 Federal raids were carried out in 24 cities on International Workers of the World (IWW) headquarters. The raids were prompted by suspected anti-war activities within the labor organization. 1930 Charles Creighton and James Hagris completed the drive from New York City to Los Angeles and back to New York City all in reverse gear. The trip took 42 days in their 1929 Ford Model A. 1939 The U.S. proclaimed its neutrality in World War II. 1945 Iva Toguri D'Aquino was arrested. D'Aquino was suspected of being the wartime radio propagandist "Tokyo Rose". She served six years and was later pardoned by U.S. President Ford. 1953 The first privately operated atomic reactor opened in Raleigh, NC. 1957 Jack Kerouac's "On the Road" was first published. 1958 The first color videotaped program was aired. It was "The Betty Freezor Show" on WBTV-TV in Charlotte, NC. 1958 Boris Pasternak's "Doctor Zhivago" was published for the first time in the U.S. 1960 Cassius Clay of Louisville, KY, won the gold medal in light heavyweight boxing at the Olympic Games in Rome, Italy. Clay later changed his name to Muhammad Ali. 1961 The U.S. government made airline hijacking a federal offense. 1977 The U.S. launched Voyager . 1980 The St. Gothard Tunnel opened in Switzerland. It is the world's longest highway tunnel at 10.14 miles long. 1982 Eddie Hill set a propeller-driven boat water speed record when he reached 229 mph. 1983 U.S. President Reagan denounced the Soviet Union for shooting down a Korean Air Lines. Reagan demanded that the Soviet Union pay reparations for the act that killed 269 people. 1984 The space shuttle Discovery landed after its maiden voyage. 1984 Mortimer Zuckerman purchased the newsmagazine, "U.S. News & World Report" for $163 million. 1985 Rioting in South Africa spilled into white neighborhoods for the first time. 1986 NASA launched DOD-1. 1990 Iraqi President Saddam Hussein urged for a Holy War against the West and former allies. 1991 Soviet lawmakers created an interim government to usher in the confederation after dissolving the U.S.S.R. The new name the Union of Sovereign States was taken. 1992 A General Motors Corporation strike ended with a new agreement being approved. Nearly 43,000 workers were on strike. 1995 France set off an underground nuclear blast in the South Pacific. 1996 The play "Summer and Smoke" opened at the Criterion Theatre. 2003 In London, magician David Blaine entered a clear plastic box and then suspended by a crane over the banks of the Thames River. He remained there until October 19 surviving only on water. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog