Good Morning, Do, Today is Monday, August 7 Take advantage of the full moon! Great time for a late evening stroll. Would be even better if I could get somebody to come along! The orange moon in the wild fire smoke wafting over the Rockies from BC is gorgeous! Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Roseville man charged after hitting and totalling occupied bus stop with truck and walking away without helping the 6 victims.  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, Aug 7 in 1914 Germany invaded France. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 ______________________________________________________ Never offend people with style when you can offend them with substance. --- Sam Brown ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Milkman Notes These notes left for milkmen came from England, where milk apparently is still being delivered. "Dear Milkman, I've just had a baby, please leave another one." "Please leave an extra pint of paralysed milk." "Cancel one pint after the day after today." "Please don't leave any more milk. All they do is drink it" "Milkman please close the gate behind you because the birds keep pecking the tops off the milk." "Milkman. please could I have a loaf but not bred today." "Please cancel milk. I have nothing coming into the house but two sons on the dole." "Sorry not to have paid your bill before, but my wife had a baby and I've been carrying it around in my pocket for weeks." "Sorry about yesterdays note. I didn't mean one egg and a dozen pints, but the other way round." "When you leave my milk knock on my bedroom window and wake me because I want you 'to give me a hand to turn the mattress. "Please knock. My TV's broken down and I missed last nights Coronation Street. If you saw it, will you tell me what happened over a cup of tea." "My daughter says she wants a milkshake. Do you do it before you deliver or do I have to shake the bottle." "Please send me a form for cheap milk, for I have a baby two months old and did not know about it until a neighbour told me." "Please send me details about cheap milk as I am stagnant." "Milk is needed for the baby. Father is unable to supply it." "From now on please leave two pints every other day and one pint on the days in between, except Wednesdays and Saturdays when I don't want any milk." "My back door is open. Please put milk in 'fridge, get money out of cup in drawer and leave change on kitchen table in pence, because we want to play bingo tonight." "Please leave no milk today. When I say today, I mean tomorrow, for I wrote this note yesterday." "When you leave the milk please put the coal on the boiler, let dog out and put newspaper inside the screen door. PS. Don't leave any milk. "No milk. Please do not leave milk at No. 14 either as he is dead until further notice." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A porter loaded down with suitcases followed the couple to the airline check-in counter. As they approached the line, the husband glanced at the pile of luggage and said to the wife, "Why didn't you bring the piano, too?" "Are you trying to be funny?" she replied. "No, I really wish you had" he sighed. "I left the tickets on it." ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
 If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  Thanks for your votes!
 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Walter, the stonecarver An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Gary Paul Daleo, 55, Roseville, Michigan  Roseville man charged after hitting and totalling occupied bus stop with truck and walking away without helping the 6 victims.  Gary Paul Daleo was behind the wheel of a Dodge Ram pickup truck when it slammed into a bus stop at 12 Mile and Van Dyke. Four people were pinned under his truck and five of the six victims remain hospitalized. Daleo, 55, from Roseville, was arraigned on a six count felony warrant, facing three counts of reckless driving causing serious bodily impairment and three counts of operating while impaired causing serious bodily impairment. Each count has a maximum penalty of five years in prison and or a $5,000 fine. Daleo was arraigned before Judge Michael Chupa of 37th District Court where a not guilty plea was entered and bond was set at $70,000 cash or surety only. His next court appearance is scheduled for Aug. 15. At the time of the crash Wednesday, Daleo is seen on video climbing out of his truck at the scene and swiftly walking past the victims to go inside Subway to use the bathroom. Some of the victims were still pinned under his Ram at the time. Subway employee Christopher Lofton witnessed the crash and spoke to FOX 2 that day. "He walked in calm collected and used the bathroom, then walked right out." he said. "It was just terrible." Witnesses said it looked like he went to the Subway bathroom to dispose of his drugs.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Wes Re: Clickbook Dear Webby, What does ClickBook have that Microsoft Publisher doesnt have? Wes  Dear Wes You CAN print simple booklets with WordPerfect, WORD, even Publisher, if you have lots of time and patience. If you don't have an excess of time and patience for re-shuffling, re-paginating, re-numbering, etc., and want to be able to print ANYTHING, from web pages to accounting spreadsheets, from CD-case inserts to genealogy charts by simply selecting the output format, then get Clickbook. You can even make it your default printer and print everything with a 75% saving on ink and paper. Where you really save is with invoices. We get our phone, electricity, and gas bills via email, and each one usually takes a page and a bit with regular printing. With Clickbook all pages of an invoice are on one sheet.of paper. Publisher would be quite useless for those. I would be lost without Clickbook. It is definitely one of the best tool investments I ever made. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 A man traveling down a country road was forced to stop before a giant puddle covering the entire road. Looking to the side of the road, the man noticed a farmer leaning on a fence. "Think it's safe to cross?" the man asked. "I reckon so," replied the farmer. The car was immediately swallowed by the puddle as the man drove in. In fact, it was so deep that he had to roll his window down to swim out of his car back to the surface. As his head broke the surface the man said to the farmer, "I thought you said I could safely drive through this puddle!" "Well, golly!" said the farmer, scratching his head. "It only come up chest-high on my ducks!" 
If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
  
 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com High Protein Cheesy Breadsticks (Flourless)  By attosa [382 Posts, 1,850 Comments] This is an awesome rendition of cheesy breadsticks. It contains no flour whatsoever so it is keto/low-carb friendly and super yummy. I pulsed 10 ounces of leftover rotisserie chicken for this recipe, but you can use canned cooked chicken, too. Prep Time: 5 minutes Cook Time: 25 minutes Total Time: 30 minutes Ingredients: 10 oz ounces cooked and ground chicken 1 oz Parmesan cheese 1 Tbsp dried oregano 1 raw egg 1/3 cup shredded cheese Steps: Preheat oven to 375 F. Put ground chicken in a large bowl and add the Parmesan cheese. Mix well. Mix in the oregano. Crack in the egg and stir well until the crumbly mixture turns into a moist dough. Press dough into a large square shape on a lightly greased baking sheet. Make sure it is at least 1/3 of an inch thick. With a pizza cutter or knife, cut into 1 inch wide sticks. Bake in oven for 20 minutes. Remove and sprinkle with cheese. If so desired, add a bit of garlic powder. I put it on half of this one for a guest who is not so keen on garlic. How dare they?:) Raise heat to 400 F and pop sticks back into the oven for five minutes or until edges are golden and cheese is slightly browned. Serve on its own or with a dipping sauce.  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
 Daddy! It's a Pause!
 ____________________________________________________  To stop her 4-year old daughter from biting her nails, her mother tells her it'll make her fat. "I won't do it any more, Mom," says the daughter. Next day they are out walking when they meet a very fat man. "If I bite my fingernails, I'll be as fat as that, won't I Mom?" "You'll be fatter than that," says her mother. They get on a bus, and sitting opposite them is a very pregnant lady. The little girl can't take her eyes off the woman's belly. The pregnant lady feels increasingly uncomfortable under this stare, and finally leans forward and says to the little girl, "Excuse me, but do you know me?" And the little girl says, "No, but I will never again do what you've been doing..." ___________________________________________________  
 
 Interesting body painting. 
 ___________________________________________________ Thanks to Roland for this story: The Texas preacher rose with an angry red face, saying, "Someone in this congregation has spread a rumor that I belong to the Ku Klux Klan. This is a horrible lie, and one which a Christian community cannot tolerate. I am embarrassed and do not intend to accept this." "Now, I want the party who did this to stand and ask forgiveness from God and this Christian family." No one moved. The preacher continued, "Do you have the nerve to face me and admit that this is a falsehood? Remember, you will be forgiven and in your heart you will feel wonderful. Now please stand and confess your transgression." Again all was quiet. Then, slowly, a drop-dead gorgeous blonde named Cathy, with a body that would stop traffic, rose from the third pew. Her head was bowed and her voice quavered as she spoke. "Reverend there has been a terrible misunderstanding." "I never said you were a member of the Ku Klux Klan. I simply told a couple of my friends that you were a wizard under the sheets!" The preacher fainted. 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ >From Betty: Due to a power outage, only one paramedic responded to the call. The house was very, very dark, so the paramedic asked 3-year-old Text-End to hold a flashlight high over mommy, so that he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently Text-End did as she was asked. The mother pushed and pushed, and after a little while the baby was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. The baby began to cry. The paramedic then thanked Text-End for the help and asked the wide-eyed 3-year-old what Text-End thought about what had been going on. Text-End quickly responded, "He shouldn't have crawled in there in the first place. Smack his ass again." ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, August 7, in 1789 The U.S. War Department was established by the U.S. Congress. 1782 George Washington created the Order of the Purple Heart. 1888 Theophilus Van Kannel received a patent for the revolving door. 1914 Germany invaded France. 1928 The U.S. Treasure Department issued a new bill that was one third smaller than the previous U.S. bills. 1934 The U.S. Court of Appeals upheld a lower court ruling striking down the government's attempt to ban the controversial James Joyce novel "Ulysses." 1942 U.S. forces landed at Guadalcanal, marking the start of the first major allied offensive in the Pacific during World War II. 1947 The balsa wood raft Kon-Tiki, which had carried a six- man crew 4,300 miles across the Pacific Ocean, crashed into a reef in a Polynesian archipelago. 1959 The U.S. launched Explorer 6, which sent back a picture of the Earth. 1960 The Cuban Catholic Church condemned the rise of communism in Cuba. Fidel Castro then banned all religious TV and radio broadcasts. 1964 The U.S. Congress passed the Gulf of Tonkin resolution, which gave President Johnson broad powers in dealing with reported North Vietnamese attacks on U.S. forces. 1974 French stuntman Philippe Petit walked a tightrope strung between the twin towers of New York's World Trade Center. 1976 Scientists in Pasadena, CA, announced that the Viking 1 spacecraft had found strong indications of possible life on Mars. 1983 AT&T employees went on strike. 1987 The presidents of five Central American nations, met in Guatemala City, and signed an 11-point agreement designed to bring peace to their region. 1990 U.S. President George H.W. Bush ordered U.S. troops and warplanes to Saudi Arabia to guard against a possible invasion by Iraq. 2003 Stephen Geppi bought a 1963 G.I. Joe prototype for $200,000. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!

If you like the Dear Webby Daily Humor Letter,
please vote for it at the Ezine Finder:
Thanks for your votes!

ARCHIVE: If you missed previous issues, you can see them
in the Humor Letter Blog at http://webby.com/humor/blog