Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, February 11 Today's Bonehead Award:  Police say groom tried to seduce a teenage waitress at wedding  ______________________________________________________ Today, February 11 in 1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39 banks. More of today in history at History ______________________________________________________ 
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 The future will be better tomorrow. --- Dan Quayle (1947 - ) We are here and it is now. Further than that all human knowledge is moonshine. --- H. L. Mencken (1880 - 1956) ________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ The little boy was caught swearing by his teacher. "Jeffrey," she said, "you shouldn't use that kind of language. Where did you hear it?" "My daddy said it," he responded. "Well, that doesn't matter," she explained, "you don't know what it means." "I do, too," Jeffrey corrected. "It means the car won't start." _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ It was mealtime during our trip on a small airline in the Northwest. "Would you like dinner?" the flight attendant asked the man seated in front of me. "What are my choices?" he asked. "Yes or no," she replied. ---------------- Sounds like Scare North! In winter THE meal was frozen potato salad, an ice cold turkey sandwich, that had been toasted the day before, and lukewarm coffee in a cup so cold that you gladly used your gloves to hold it. The only hot items were the two parka clad stewardesses. ______________________________________________________   Northbrook Island in the Russian Arctic National Park _____________________________________________________ 
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 ___________________________________________________   An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Matthew Aimers, 31, Willingboro, New Jersey  Police say groom tried to seduce a teenage waitress at wedding  The "happy" couple smiles at the camera from behind a floral arrangement, seated at a table dotted with champagne flutes and plates of pasta. In another photo, the bride embraces her tuxedo- clad husband on a dance floor engulfed in the mist of a smoke machine. But hours after saying their vows, this groom was in handcuffs, accused of sexually assaulting a teenage waitress in a bathroom stall at his own wedding. Matthew Aimers, 31, of Willingboro, New Jersey has been charged with imprisonment of a minor, indecent assault, and disorderly conduct. In court documents obtained by Oxygen.com, prosecutors paint a hellish picture of a wedding reception that descended into chaos. The incident allegedly unfolded on the evening of Nov. 24, 2018 at the Northampton Valley Country Club after Aimers asked a teenage server there to make out with him. We can do whatever you want, Aimers allegedly told her, according to the affidavit. She refused Aimers' alleged advances but told police this shook her up. The victim explained to authorities that Aimers later followed her into the women's restroom where he cornered her in a bathroom stall. He allegedly kissed and groped her, and tried to unbutton her pants. The victim told police she swatted his hands away. At one point Aimers allegedly said, Can you kiss me like you mean it? Then Aimers reportedly exposed himself and wiggl[ed] his penis against her groin." When she resisted again, Aimers allegedly propositioned her by responding, I'll give you a hundred dollars. The victim told police she eventually shoved the groom aside and escaped the bathroom. Shortly after 10 p.m, police were called to the country club, located in Richboro, PA, after reports that a fight had broken out. Police found Aimers pushing and punching people by the entrance and said he tried to flee the scene by boarding a nearby shuttle bus. The dramatic display reportedly ended when a policeman drew his taser, boarded the bus, and confronted Aimers. Police allege Aimers physically threatened and continuously called the arresting officer a pussy and a bitch before being taken into custody. Aimers is also accused of punching a country club employee in the face after wandering outside the venue. Aimers posted 10 percent of his $350,000 bail and has since been released from jail. He's expected to be arraigned at Bucks County Court next week. The alleged incident hasn't impacted Aimers' marital status Busucio noted, who added his client's wife, Kayla is 100 percent supportive, 100 percent loving, and 100 percent in his corner.  
 From: Carol Re: Clip from realPlayer  Dear DearWebby, Is there a way to print screens from programs running is RealPlayer? Thnaks in advance for you help. Carol  Dear Carol In MediaPlayer you simply hit the PrintScreen key, jump to your graphics program, hit CTRL V and it pastes the clip into a new picture. Probably that will work with RealPlayer too. Have FUN! DearWebby  
  Automatically move ALL your settings and programs. No need to re-install them. The only mover recommended by Intel and Microsoft. 
 A golfer stands over his tee shot for what seems an eternity to his partner. He looks up, looks down, measures the distance and figures the wind speed and direction. The longer he takes, the more irritated his partner becomes. Finally his exasperated partner says, "What's taking so long? Hit the blasted ball." The golfer says, "My wife is up there watching me from the clubhouse. I want to make this a perfect shot." "Forget it, man," his partner says. "You'll never hit her from here." 
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 The controller who was working a busy pattern told the 727 on downwind to make a three-sixty (to do a complete circle, usually to provide spacing between aircraft). The pilot of the 727 complained, "Do you know It costs us two thousand dollars to make a three-sixty in this airplane? Without missing a beat the controller replied, "Roger, give me four thousand dollars worth!" ___________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Thriftyfun.com Keeping Socks Together  This won't completely solve the problem of unmatched socks, but certainly will help. Train your children to fold their socks together before they put them in the laundry basket. Also, it helps to always buy them the same brand, color, and style socks.  Thriftyfun.com   ____________________________________________________   
 
 
Unbelievable moments caught on video. 
 ___________________________________________________ This minister just had all of his remaining teeth pulled and new dentures were being made. The first Sunday, he only preached 10 minutes. The second Sunday, he preached only 20 minutes. But, on the third Sunday, he preached 1 hour 25 minutes. When asked about this by some of the congregation, he responded this way: The first Sunday, my gums were so sore it hurt to talk. The second Sunday, my dentures were hurting a lot. The third Sunday, I accidentally grabbed my wife's dentures... AND I COULDN'T STOP TALKING! ___________________________________________________ My Dad and I were talking the other night about love and marriage. He told me that he knew as early as their wedding what marriage to my Mom would be like. It seems the minister asked my Mom, "Do you take this man to be your husband." And she said, "I do." Then the minister asked my Dad, "Do you take this woman to be your wife," and my Mom said, "He better!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Two Roofers, Bob and Dan, were putting a new roof on a barn when a bundle of shingles slid down the slope and knocked the ladder over. Bob and Dan decided since it was early they would continue working because someone would surely come around by quitting time. It was nearing 5 PM and they hadn't seen hide nor hair of anyone. So, they walked around the roof a few times and finally decided there was only one way down. On the West side of the barn was a big manure pile. Bob says, "It's the only way down. I will go first." Bob jumped. Dan heard the squishy landing and yelled, "Hey Bob! How deep did you go?" Bob yells back, "I went to my ankles Dan, come on JUMP!" Dan jumps and goes clear up to his neck in manure. He says to Bob, "I thought when you jumped you went up to your ankles?" Bob replies, "I did, but I landed head first!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today February 11 in 1752 The Pennsylvania Hospital opened as the very first hospital in America. 1808 Judge Jesse Fell experimented by burning anthracite coal to keep his house warm. He successfully showed how clean the coal burned and how cheaply it could be used as a heating fuel. 1812 The term "gerrymandering" had its beginning when the governor of Massachusetts, Elbridge Gerry, signed a redistricting law that favored his party. 1858 A French girl, Bernadette Soubirous, claimed to have seen a vision of the Virgin Mary near Lourdes. 1878 The first U.S. bicycle club, Boston Bicycle Club, was formed. 1929 The Lateran Treaty was signed. Italy now recognized the independence and sovereignty of Vatican City. 1936 Pumping began the process to build San Francisco's Treasure Island. 1937 General Motors agreed to recognize the United Automobile Workers Union, which ended the current sit-down strike against them. 1943 General Dwight David Eisenhower was selected to command the allied armies in Europe. 1945 During World War II, the Yalta Agreement was signed by U.S. President Franklin Roosevelt, British Prime Minister Winston Churchill and Soviet leader Josef Stalin. 1957 The NHL Players Association was formed in New York City. 1958 Ruth Carol Taylor was the first black woman to become a stewardess by making her initial flight. 1975 Margaret Thatcher became the first woman to head a major party in Britain when she was elected leader of the Conservative Party. 1979 Nine days after the Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini returned to Iran (after 15 years in exile) power was seized by his followers. 1982 ABC-TV's presentation of "The Winds of War" concluded. The 18-hour miniseries cost $40 million to produce and was the most- watched television program in history at the time. 1982 France nationalized five groups of major industries and 39 banks. 1984 The tenth Space Shuttle mission returned to Earth safely. 1989 Rev. Barbara C. Harris became the first woman to be consecrated as a bishop in the Episcopal Church. 1990 Nelson Mandela was freed after 27 years in captivity. 1990 In Tokyo, Japan, James "Buster" Douglas knocked out Mike Tyson in the tenth round to win the heavyweight championship. 1993 Janet Reno was appointed to the position of attorney general by U.S. President Clinton. She was the first female to hold the position. 2000 The space shuttle Endeavor took off. The mission was to gather information for the most detailed map of the earth ever made. 2000 Great Britain suspended self-rule in Northern Ireland after the Irish Republican Army (IRA) failed to begin decommissioning (disarming) by a February deadline. 2002 The six stars on NBC's "Friends" signed a deal for $24 million each for the ninth and final season of the series. 2006 In Texas, U.S. Vice President Dick Cheney accidentally shot and wounded a companion during a quail hunt. 2016 It was reported that scientists had detected gravitational waves. The waves had been detected on September 14, 2015 by the Laser Interferometer Gravitational-wave Observatory (LIGO) detectors in Livingston, LA, and Hanford, WA. 2019 Do smiled. 
 

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