Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, March 8 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _________________________________ Today in March 8, in 1618, Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award Kidnap And Assault Charges Against Boca Raton Man ___________________________________________________ Every man is wise when attacked by a mad dog; fewer when pursued by a mad woman; only the wisest survive when attacked by a mad notion. --- Robertson Davies ___________________________________________________ If I had a nickel for every time a woman thought I was ugly, they would find me attractive. ___________________________________________________ Two guys are driving through Texas when they get pulled over by a state trooper. The trooper walks up, taps on the window with his nightstick, the driver rolls down the window, and the trooper smacks him in the head with the stick. The driver says, "Why'd you do that?" The trooper says, "You're in Texas, son. When I pull you over, you'll have your license ready." Driver says, "I'm sorry, officer, I'm not from around here." The trooper runs a check on the guy's license, and he's clean. He gives the guy his license back and walks around to the passenger side and taps on the window.The passenger rolls his window down, and the trooper smacks him with the nightstick. The passenger says, "What'd you do that for?" The cop says, "Just making your wishes come true." The passenger says, "Huh?" The cop says, "I know that two miles down the road you're gonna say, 'I wish that schmuck would've tried that stuff with me!' " ____________________________________________________   Doug McQueen March/07 - Springbank - Hoary Redpoll - I have been fortunate to have this beauty hanging around the yard for about 3 weeks now ____________________________________________________ When I consider how sweaters tend to make me sweat, I'm a lot less inclined to wear my windbreaker. ____________________________________________________ Two youngsters were closely examining bathroom scales on display at the department store. "What is it for?" one asked. "I don't know," the other replied. "I think it tells you when somebody messed up. When mom when stands on it, she gets more upset than when my sister brings her report card home." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Elias DaSilva, Boca Raton, Florida, USA  Kidnap And Assault Charges Against Boca Raton Man  Charges including kidnap and assault are now filed against a Boca Raton man who was taken into custody Saturday morning. Elias DaSilva, who lives in the Allure Apartments at 6780 Congress Avenue in Boca, is officially charged with, kidnap, commit or facilitate the commission of a felony, sexual assault sexual battery on a person 18 years of age or older by a person 18 years of age or older, and aggravated battery offender knew or should have known the victim was pregnant. While the arrest report continues to be processed by the Palm Beach County Clerk of Courts, the Palm Beach County Jail tells BocaNewsNow.com that DaSilva was locked up at 7:19 Saturday morning and is being held without bond. Boca Raton Police made the arrest.  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Me Re: Coffee Maker Thanks for all the tips about Coffee Makers! Mr Coffee seems to have outvoted them all! Bill has an interesting one: We have used a cuisinart coffee maker for about 30 years and love it. Not the same one, but if one dies, we return it and they send us a new one. I hope this helps. All the best, Bill. Sounds good! However, at $295 it will have to wait a while. Thanks! DearWebby  Have FUN! DearWebby 
 Customer: "I'd like an under the mouse mat, please." Salesperson: "Certainly sir, we've got a large variety, $1.95 each.." Customer: "But will they be compatible with my computer?" Salesperson: "Hmmm, have you got one of those new Pentiums ?" Customer: "Yes, it's a 17" !" Salesperson: "Then you better get one of these $29.95 mousepads" Customer: "But, is it Y2K approved ?" Salesperson: "Well,...to be on the safe side, maybe you should better get one of these bue ones for $49.95." 
 If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!
 
 If you like my work,
 Please donate a dollar, 
 or two, if you can afford it!
 Please, help me stay online!
 
 _____________________________________________  "The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets." ______________________________________________ Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?" The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Doug goes to a doctor and says: "Doctor, my wife recently has lost her voice. What should I do to help her get it back?" The doctor replies, "Try coming home at 3 in the morning!" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, March 8, in 1618, Johann Kepler discovered the third Law of Planetary Motion. 1702, England's Queen Anne took the throne upon the death of King William III. 1782, The Gnadenhutten massacre took place. About 90 Indians were killed by militiamen in Ohio in retaliation for raids carried out by other Indians. 1853, The first bronze statue of Andrew Jackson is unveiled in Washington, DC. 1855, A train passed over the first railway suspension bridge at Niagara Falls, NY. 1862, The Confederate ironclad "Merrimack" was launched. 1880, U.S. President Rutherford B. Hayes declared that the United States would have jurisdiction over any canal built across the isthmus of Panama. 1887, The telescopic fishing rod was patented by Everett Horton. 1894, A dog license law was enacted in the state of New York. It was the first animal control law in the U.S. 1904, The Bundestag in Germany lifted the ban on the Jesuit order of priests. 1905, In Russia, it was reported that the peasant revolt was spreading to Georgia. 1907, The British House of Commons turned down a women's suffrage bill. 1909, Pope Pius X lifted the church ban on interfaith marriages in Hungary. 1910, In France, Baroness de Laroche became the first woman to obtain a pilot's license. 1910, The King of Spain authorized women to attend universities. 1911, In Europe, International Women's Day was celebrated for the first time. 1911, British Minister of Foreign Affairs Edward Gray declared that Britain would not support France in the event of a military conflict. 1917, Russia's "February Revolution" began with rioting and strikes in St. Petersburg. The revolution was called the "February Revolution" due to Russia's use of the Old Style calendar. 1917, The U.S. Senate voted to limit filibusters by adopting the cloture rule. 1921, Spanish Premier Eduardo Dato was assassinated while leaving the Parliament in Madrid. 1921, French troops occupied Dusseldorf. 1933, Self-liquidating scrip money was issued for the first time at Franklin, IN. 1941, Martial law was proclaimed in Holland in order to extinguish any anti-Nazi protests. 1942, During World War II, Japanese forces captured Rangoon, Burma. 1943, Japanese forces attacked American troops on Hill 700 in Bougainville. The battle lasted five days. 1945, Phyllis Mae Daley received a commission in the U.S. Navy Nurse Corps. She later became the first African- American nurse to serve duty in World War II. 1946, In New York City, the "Journal American" became the first commercial business to receive a helicopter license. 1946, The French naval fleet arrived at Haiphong, Vietnam. 1948, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that religious instruction in public schools was unconstitutional. 1953, A census bureau report indicated that 239,000 farmers had quit farming over the last 2 years. 1954, France and Vietnam opened talks in Paris on a treaty to form the state of Indochina. 1954, Herb McKenley set a world record for the quarter mile when he ran the distance in 46.8 seconds. 1959, Groucho, Chico and Harpo made their final TV appearance together. 1961, Max Conrad circled the globe in a record time of eight days, 18 hours and 49 minutes in the Piper Aztec. 1965, The U.S. landed about 3,500 Marines in South Vietnam. They were the first U.S. combat troops to land in Vietnam. 1966, Australia announced that it would triple the number of troops in Vietnam. 1973, Two bombs exploded near Trafalgar Square in Great Britain. 234 people were injured. 1982, The U.S. accused the Soviets of killing 3,000 Afghans with poison gas. 1985, The Internal Revenue Service (IRS) reported that 407,700 Americans were millionaires. That was more than double the total from just five years before. 1986, Four French television crewmembers were abducted in west Beirut. All four were eventually released. 1988, In Fort Campbell, KY, 17 U.S. soldiers were killed when two Army helicopters collided in midair. 1989, In Lhasa, Tibet, martial law was declared after three days of protest against Chinese rule. 1999, The U.S. Supreme Court upheld the conviction of Timothy McVeigh for the bombing of a federal building in Oklahoma City in 1995. 1999, The White House, under President Bill Clinton, directed the firing of nuclear scientist Wen Ho Lee from his job at the Los Alamos National Laboratory. The firing was a result of alleged security violations. 2001, The U.S. House of Representatives voted for an across- the-board tax cut of nearly $1 trillion over the next decade. 2005, In norther Chechnya, Chechen rebel leader Aslan Maskhadov was killed during a raid by Russian forces. 2022 Do smiled. 

If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can!