Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, March 7 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _________________________________ Today in March 7, in 1989, Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre in Katyn. The Soviet Union admitted the Katyn massacre of all poles wth education, and built a memorial in Katyn. They invited most Polish polititians for the grand opening. The jet carrying them crashed near the airport. ___________________________________________________ Bonehead Award 2 charged in Chicago crime spree that included murder of man putting up Christmas lights ___________________________________________________ The true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good. --- Samuel Johnson (1709 - 1784) ___________________________________________________ An old farmer wrote to a giant mail order company and asked for the price of their toilet paper. The company wrote back telling him to look on page #346 of their catalog. He wrote another letter to the company that said: "If you had not stopped sending me catalogs, I would not need any toilet paper." 95 Million outhouses and bathrooms no longer stocked with the Sears catalog, killed them. ___________________________________________________ One day there was a big lady swimming in the surf and just as she got close to the beach a big breaker tumbled her. When she stood up to wade ashore, she noticed that she had lost her top. She thought that no one would notice if she covered herself with her arms and ran over to her towel. So she went, and nobody seemed to notice her as she approached her towel. Just then a little girl came running up to her and said, "Hey, lady!" "What?" asked the startled lady. "If you're going to drown those puppies, can I have the one one with the cute little pink nose." I have never been to Hawaii, yet, unfortuately, but friends told me that there is a beach there, that always strips bikinis, tops and bottoms, that have any elastics in them, and even men's shorts require leather belts or real chain to stay on. ____________________________________________________   Korban Schwab Great Gray Owl - Southern Alberta - March 5, 2022 had a great morning shooting with friends and exploring some new places. ____________________________________________________ At the beginning of a children's sermon, one girl came up to the altar wearing a beautiful dress. As the children were sitting down around the pastor, the pastor leans over and says to the girl, "That is a very pretty dress. Is it your special Easter dress? Do you wear it at other times too?" The girl replied, directly into the pastor's microphone, "Yes, it's my Easter dress, and I ca wear it only once a year, 'cause Mom says all these ruffles and lace are a pain in the a** to iron." ____________________________________________________ As the storm raged, the captain realized his ship was sinking fast. He called out, "Anyone here know how to pray?" One man stepped forward, "Aye, Captain, I know how to pray." "Good," said the captain, "you pray while the rest of us put on our life jackets - we're one short." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Moises Barrios, Pedro Mendiola Chicago, Illinois, USA  2 charged in Chicago crime spree that included murder of man putting up Christmas lights  Moises Barrios, Pedro Mendiola targeted 14 people in 4-hour crime spree Two men have been charged in a crime spree that included the beating death of a man putting up Christmas lights at his Gage Park home last year. Police say those two men beat and robbed more than two dozen people over the course of four hours. It took prosecutors 45 minutes in court today just to read through all the allegations. Moises Barrios, 23, and Pedro Mendiola, 21, were both held without bond after they were charged with more than two dozen felony counts, including first degree murder for the seemingly-random beating death of Jose Tellez. The 49-year-old Gage Park resident was hanging Christmas lights last December when police say he was killed in front of family. Police said Tellez's daughter watched from inside and tried to get her brother to help, but the suspects had already fled the scene. Prosecutors said Tellez was one of at least 14 victims during four hours of mayhem unleashed by Barrios and Mendiola. The pair allegedly targeted people on the street armed with a crowbar and baseball bat. CHICAGO (WLS) -- Two men have been charged in a crime spree that included the beating death of a man putting up Christmas lights at his Gage Park home last year. Police say those two men beat and robbed more than two dozen people over the course of four hours. It took prosecutors 45 minutes in court today just to read through all the allegations. Moises Barrios, 23, and Pedro Mendiola, 21, were both held without bond after they were charged with more than two dozen felony counts, including first degree murder for the seemingly-random beating death of Jose Tellez. Two men have been charged in a crime spree that included the beating death of a man putting up Christmas lights at his Gage Park home last year. The 49-year-old Gage Park resident was hanging Christmas lights last December when police say he was killed in front of family. RELATED: Chicago man beaten to death while hanging holiday lights in Gage Park The victim's son, David Tellez, was overcome with emotion upon hearing of the charges. "I would instantly trade places with him if I could. If I could give up everything I have, I would instantly," he said. "He was telling me how he didn't want to put up the Christmas lights, that it's a hassle, and the last thing he did was put them up." Police said Tellez's daughter watched from inside and tried to get her brother to help, but the suspects had already fled the scene. Prosecutors said Tellez was one of at least 14 victims during four hours of mayhem unleashed by Barrios and Mendiola. The pair allegedly targeted people on the street armed with a crowbar and baseball bat. "Tellez was doing what many of us were doing and and should expected to do during the holidays, hanging Christmas lights with his daughter before being tragically and senselessly beaten to death," Cook County State's Attorney Kim Foxx said. "This is a horrendous crime and w stand here united to say we will not let atrocities happen in Gage Park or in any community in this city or this county." Authorities say the December 11th crime spree began on the Northwest Side before the two men, riding in Barrios' mother's car, allegedly drove south and committed more beatings and robberies. Before the brutal assault on Tellez, prosecutors said the pair attacked a postal worker and later terrorized a 4-year- old boy and his parents in their car, shattering the windows and robbing the father of his paycheck. "They actually took one of the defendants in custody the very day that this happened," Chicago Police Chief of Detectives Brendan Deenihan said. "And that allowed the detectives then to do a search warrant on the vehicle where they recover the bat and the crowbar, and that then leads to DNA and fingerprints, which puts this case together."  ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________  From: Me Re: Coffee Maker Yes, today I am asking. Who knows of a decent coffee maker, that does not suicide in half a year? I an not switching to wine or tea yet, and don't really want to. Hopefully one of you has some good advice! Thanks! DearWebby  Have FUN! DearWebby 
 It's official: Rap music does cause crime. Research shows that in over half the shootings that occur on the street, the gunman is aiming at the boombox! 
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 _____________________________________________  Walking through San Francisco's Chinatown, a tourist is fascinated with all the Chinese restaurants, shops, signs and banners. He turns a corner and sees a building with the sign, "Saul Dumbrowski's Chinese Laundry." "Saul Dumbrowski?" he muses. "How the heck does that fit in here?" So he walks into the shop and sees an old Chinese gentleman behind the counter. The tourist asks, "How did this place get a name like "Saul Dumbrowski's Chinese Laundry?" The old man answers, "Is name of owner." The tourist asks, "Well, who and where is the owner?" "Me, is right here," replies the old man. "You? How did you ever get a name like Saul Dumbrowski?" "Is simple," says the old man. "Many, many year ago when come to this country, was stand in line at Documentation Center. Man in front is Jewish gentleman from Poland. Lady look at him and go, 'What your name?' He say, 'Saul Dumbrowski.' Then she look at me and go, 'What your name?' I say, 'Sem Ting.'" ______________________________________________ A man is walking along a California beach when he stumbles across an old lamp. He picks it up, rubs it, and out pops a genie! The genie says, "OK, OK! You released me from the lamp, blah, blah,blah. This is the fourth time this month and I am getting sick and tired of granting all these wishes, so you can forget about three. You only get ONE wish!" The man sits down on the sand and thinks about it for a while. Finally he says, "I've always wanted to go to Hawaii but I'm scared of flying and I get very sea sick. Can you build me a bridge to Hawaii so I can drive over there?" "That's impossible!" shrieks the genie. "Think of the logistics of that! How would the supports ever reach the bottom of the Pacific?! Think of how much concrete that would take, how much steel! No! No way! Think of another wish!" He thinks for a long time and says I've been married and divorced four times and all of my wives has said that I don't care and that I am insensitive. So, I wish that I could understand women...know how they feel inside and what they are thinking when they give me the silent treatment...know why they are crying...know what they really want when they say "nothing"...know how to truly make them happy.... The genie says, "Do you want that bridge two lanes or four?" ______________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 It had been snowing for hours when an announcement came over the intercom: "Will the students who are parked on University Drive please move their cars so that we may begin plowing." Twenty minutes later there was another announcement: "Will the twelve hundred seventy nine students who went to move 26 cars please return to class?" ___________________________________________________  
 Today, March 7, in 0322 BC, Aristotle, the Greek philosopher, died. 1774, The British closed the port of Boston to all commerce. That did not go over well. 1799, In Palestine, Napoleon captured Jaffa and his men massacred more than 2,000 Albanian prisoners. 1848, In Hawaii, the Great Mahele was signed. 1849, The Austrian Reichstag was dissolved. 1850, U.S. Senator Daniel Webster endorsed the Compromise of 1850 as a method of preserving the Union. 1854, Charles Miller received a patent for the sewing machine. 1876, Alexander Graham Bell received a patent (U.S. Patent No. 174,465) for his telephone. 1901, A grand jury indicted four citizens of Anderson, SC, that had been operating a slavery system in parts of South Carolina. It was determined that many African-Americans were captured while traveling, were jailed and then sent to work for local landowners. 1904, The Japanese bombed the Russian town of Vladivostok. 1904, In Springfield, OH, a mob broke into a jail and shot a black man accused of murder. 1906, Finland granted women the right to vote. 1908, Cincinnati's Mayor Leopold Markbreit announced before the city council that, "Women are not physically fit to operate automobiles." 1911, Willis Farnworth patented the coin-operated locker. 1911, In the wake of the Mexican Revolution, the U.S. sent 20,000 troops to the border of Mexico. 1918, Finland signed an alliance treaty with Germany. 1925, The Soviet Red Army occupied Outer Mongolia. 1927, A Texas law that banned Negroes from voting was ruled unconstitutional by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1933, CBS radio debuted "Marie The Little French Princess." It was the first daytime radio serial. 1933, The board game Monopoly was invented. 1935, Malcolm Campbell set an auto speed record of 276.8 mph in Florida. 1936, Hitler sent German troops into the formerly German Rhineland in violation of the Locarno Pact and the Treaty of Versailles. 1942, Japanese troops landed on New Guinea. 1945, During World War II, U.S. forces crossed the Rhine River at Remagen, Germany. 1947, John L. Lewis declared that only a totalitarian regime could prevent strikes. 1951, U.N. forces in Korea under General Matthew Ridgeway launched Operation Ripper against the Chinese. 1954, Russia appeared for the first time in ice-hockey competition. Russia defeated Canada 7-2 to win the world ice-hockey title in Stockholm, Sweden. 1955, "Peter Pan" was presented as a television special for the first time. 1959, Melvin C. Garlow became the first pilot to fly over a million miles in jet airplanes. 1965, State troopers and a sheriff's posse broke up a march by civil rights demonstrators in Selma, AL. 1968, The Battle of Saigon came to an end. 1971, A thousand U.S. planes bombed Cambodia and Laos. 1975, The U.S. Senate revised the filibuster rule. The new rule allowed 60 senators to limit debate instead of the previous two-thirds. 1981, Anti-government guerrillas in Colombia executed the kidnapped American Bible translator Chester Allen Bitterman. The guerrillas accused Bitterman of being a CIA agent. 1983, TNN (The Nashville Network) began broadcasting. 1985, The first AIDS antibody test, an ELISA-type test, was released. 1987, Mike Tyson became the youngest heavyweight titleholder when he beat James Smith in a decision during a 12-round fight in Las Vegas, NV. 1989, Poland accused the Soviet Union of a World War II massacre in Katyn. The Soviet Union admitted the Katyn massacre of all poles wth education, and built a memorial in Katyn. They invited most Polish polititians for the grand opening. The jet carrying them crashed near the airport. 1994, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that parodies that poke fun at an original work can be considered "fair use" that does not require permission from the copyright holder. 1994, In Moldova, a referendum was rejected by 90% of voters to form a union with Rumania. 1999, In El Salvador, Francisco Flores Pirez of the ruling Nationalist Republican Alliance (Arena) was elected president. 2002, A federal judge awarded Anna Nicole Smith more than $88 million in damages. The ruling was the latest in a legal battle over the estate of Smith's late husband, J. Howard Marshall II. 2003, Scientists at the Stanford Linear Accelerator Center announced that they had transferred 6.7 gigabytes of uncompressed data from Sunnvale, CA, to Amsterdam, Netherlands, in 58 seconds. The data was sent via fiber- optic cables and traveled 6,800 miles. 2009, NASA's Kepler Mission, a space photometer for searching for extrasolar planets in the Milky Way galaxy, was launched from Cape Canaveral Air Force Station, Florida. 2012, The successor to Apple's iPad2 was unveiled. 2017, In Malta, the Azure Window landmark collapsed into the sea after period of heavy storms. 2022 Do smiled. 

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