Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, July 30 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing  Boneheads ______________________________________________________ Today, July 30 in 1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ America believes in education: the average professor earns more money in a year than a professional athlete earns in a whole week. --- Evan Esar (1899 - 1995) An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. --- Jef Mallett, Frazz, 04-04-07 Calamities are of two kinds: misfortunes to ourselves, and good fortune to others. --- Ambrose Bierce ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ >From Dora When my brother was little, he had muscle problems and my parents enrolled him in physical therapy. The therapist would come and work with his legs, often using a large yoga ball. She recommended to my mother that she buy a yoga ball for my brother to use daily. So mom goes to Toys R Us, stops the first little stock boy she sees, who was probably no more than 16, and asks him, "Excuse me, do you have big balls?" I don't know that I've seen anyone turn that color red since! _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ A Sunday school teacher was discussing the Ten Commandments with her five and six year olds. After explaining the commandment to "honor" thy Father and thy Mother, she asked, "Is there a commandment that teaches us how to treat our brothers and sisters?" Without missing a beat one little boy (the oldest of a family) answered, "Thou shall not kill." ______________________________________________________   Stuck on Sunday _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Alexander Sperber, 25, Fort Lauderdale, Floriduh  Florida man robbed bank, stripped naked while fleeing  A 25-year-old Florida man robbed a Fort Lauderdale bank, stripped naked while fleeing on foot and threw cash into the air in an effort to launch his comedy career, the FBI says. Sperber told the teller he had a gun, pointed his finger at her & stole about $4,700 before his comical flight from the scene Alexander Hayden Sperber has been charged with bank robbery and faces several years in prison, according to court documents from the U.S. Attorney's Office for the Southern District of Florida. Sperber was arrested near the scene by Fort Lauderdale Police. The incident occurred in broad daylight in busy downtown Fort Lauderdale. He Told the FBI Agent He Woke Up Tuesday Morning & Decided to Rob the Bank to Launch His Career as a Comedian  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Katie Re: Standby Dear Webby, Love your Humor Letter! Can you tell me how to stop my computer from going into 'Stand by' mode on its own? I have it marked as 'never' on the properties page. That doesn't seem to make a difference. When it does this, I don't know how to get it started again except to pull the plug and start from scratch. I would appreciate your input. Sincerely, Katie  Dear Katie Maybe your computer is hibernating ? Check the power options setting for that. If you have NEVER on that too, then you either have a hard drive problem, or an overheating problem due to too many dust bunnies in the case. Have FUN! DearWebby    A building contractor was being paid by the week for a job that was likely to stretch over several months. He approached the owner of the property and held up the check he'd been given. "This is two hundred dollars less than we agreed on," he said. "I know," the owner said. "But last week I overpaid you two hundred dollars, and you never complained." The contractor said. "Well, I don't mind an occasional mistake. But when it gets to be a habit, I feel I have to call it to your attention." 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Tater Tot Waffle Cheese and Bacon Sandwich  By attosa [374 Posts, 1,793 Comments] Total Time: 12 minutes Yield: 1 huge sandwich that should probably be shared ;) Ingredients: 24 frozen tater tots, thawed 2 slices bacon 1/2 cup shredded cheddar cheese Steps: Preheat your waffle iron on high. Cut your bacon to fit in the sandwich. If you're using a big round Belgian press, you probably don't need to cut much. Cook them in a pan on both sides until crisp. Drain bacon and set aside. Place the thawed tater tots very close together in an even layer on the waffle iron. Close the lid and press it down. Cook until the tater tot waffle is crisp, about 5 minutes. My waffle maker seems to heat more on one side, so I like to flip them over and cook another few minutes to ensure they're super crisp. On one of the waffles, add half the cheddar cheese. Place cooked bacon on top of cheese. Sprinkle with remaining cheese. Place the other waffle on top and press down the top of the iron. Cook for about 2 minutes, or until the cheese has melted. Serve!  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Pilot lands Harrier Jet on stool when landing gear fails 
 ____________________________________________________  "Periodic Elements" Valuable scientific data. Two proposed new additions to the periodic table (from Chemistry class)elements: Element Name: WOMAN Symbol: WO Atomic Weight: (don't even go there) Physical properties: Generally round in form. Boils at nothing and may freeze at any time. Melts whenever treated properly. Very bitter if mishandled. Chemical properties: Very active. Highly unstable. Possesses strong affinity with gold, silver, platinum, and precious stones. Volatile when left alone. Able to absorb great amounts of exotic food. Turns slightly green when placed next to a shinier specimen. Usage: Highly ornamental. An extremely good catalyst for dispersion of wealth. Probably the most powerful income reducing agent known. Caution: Highly explosive in inexperienced hands. Element Name: MAN Symbol: XY Atomic Weight: (180+/-50) Physical properties: Solid at room temperature, but gets bent out of shape easily. Fairly dense and sometimes flaky. Difficult to find a pure sample. Due to rust, aging samples are unable to conduct electricity as easily as young samples. Chemical properties: Attempts to bond with WO any chance it can get. Also tends to form strong bonds with itself. Becomes explosive when mixed with KD (Element: Child)for prolonged period of time. Neutralize by saturating with alcohol. Usage: None known. Possibly good methane source. Good specimens are able to produce large quantities on command. Caution: In the absence of WO, this element rapidly decomposes and begins to smell. ___________________________________________________  
 
 A machine that prints short stories for you to read while you wait. 
 ___________________________________________________ On their way to a justice of the peace to get married, a couple has a fatal car accident. The couple is sitting outside heavens gate waiting on St. Peter to do the paperwork so they can enter. While waiting, they wonder if they could possibly get married in heaven. St. Peter finally shows up and they ask him. St. Peter says, "I don't know, this is the first time anyone has ever asked. Let me go find out," and he leaves. The couple sit for a couple of months and begin to wonder if they really should get married in Heaven, what with the eternal aspect of it all. What if it doesn't work out?" they wonder. "Are we stuck together forever?" St. Peter returns after yet another month, looking somewhat bedraggled. "Yes," he informs the couple, "you can get married in Heaven." "Great," says the couple, "but what if things don't work out? Could we also get a divorce in Heaven?" St. Peter, red-faced, slams his clipboard onto the ground. "What's wrong?" exclaims the frightened couple. "Good Grief!" St. Peter exclaims, "It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it's going to take for me to find a lawyer?" 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ A little town in southern Illinois had a sensational birth rate, and scientists decided to visit the place and find out the cause. So the sociologists, anthropologists, birth control specialists and other concerned scientists moved to the town prepared to do a six-month study of the causes of the town's high birth rate. The day the research testing and all was to begin, the director of the million-dollar project stopped off at the single cafe in town and ordered coffee. When the waitress delivered his drink, the scientist detained her for a moment and asked, "Can you give me an idea why your town, above all others in this country, has such a high birth rate?" The waitress thought a moment, then said, "I think I can. You see, every morning at 5:30, the C&A Railroad comes through town and blows its big air horns at all three street crossings. That wakes up the folks here and, as you can guess, it's too darn late to go back to sleep and too darn early to get up." 
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 Today, on July 30, in 1502 Christopher Columbus landed at Guanaja in the Bay Islands off the coast of Honduras during his fourth voyage. 1619 The first representative assembly in America convened in Jamestown, VA. (House of Burgesses) 1898 "Scientific America" carried the first magazine automobile ad. The ad was for the Winton Motor Car Company of Cleveland, OH. 1932 Walt Disney's "Flowers and Trees" premiered. It was the first Academy Award winning cartoon and first cartoon short to use Technicolor. 1942 The WAVES were created by legislation signed by U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt. The members of the Women Accepted for Volunteer Emergency Service were a part of the U.S. Navy. 1945 The USS Indianapolis was torpedoed by a Japanese submarine. The ship had just delivered key components of the Hiroshima atomic bomb to the Pacific island of Tinian. Only 316 out of 1,196 men aboard survived the attack. 1956 The phrase "In God We Trust" was adopted as the U.S. national motto. 1965 U.S. President Johnson signed into law Social Security Act that established Medicare and Medicaid. It went into effect the following year. 1974 The U.S. House of Representatives Judiciary Committee voted to impeach President Nixon for blocking the Watergate investigation and for abuse of power. 1987 Indian troops arrived in Jaffna, Sri Lanka, to disarm the Tamil Tigers and enforce a peace pact. 1990 In Spring Hill, TN, the first Saturn automobile rolled off the assembly line. 1991 In China, construction began on the Oriental Pearl Radio & TV Tower. 1998 A group of Ohio machine-shop workers (who call themselves the Lucky 13) won the $295.7 million Powerball jackpot. It was the largest-ever American lottery. 2001 Lance Armstrong became the first American to win three consecutive Tours de France. 2003 In Mexico, the last 'old style' Volkswagen Beetle rolled off an assembly line. 2017 Do smiled.

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