Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, August 27 Have FUN! Dearwebby Today's Bonehead Award: Indiana teens murder delivery man, then ate the pizza  ______________________________________________________ Today, August 27 in 1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. More of today in history at HIstory ______________________________________________________ 
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 If the automobile had followed the same development cycle as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside. --- Robert X. Cringely ____________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ I used to do some locksmithing and still get called out for all types of emergencies. Just this morning, I received a call from a young lady telling me she had locked her keys in her truck. She was very frantic, as she had to get to work. I told her the cost, found out where she was, and I was on my way. Since she told me she thought the keys were in the truck (but couldn't remember for sure where she had put them,) I began working on opening the passenger door of her truck. As I was maneuvering my tool to unlock the door, I looked across at the driver door and noticed... it was unlocked. Without a word, I walked around and opened the door for her. 'Thank you!' she said. 'I didn't even know you could unlock the driver's door from the passenger side.'" _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Diane for this story: In a small mid western conservative town, a new bar/tavern started a building to open up their business. The local Baptist church started a campaign to block the bar from opening with petitions and prayers. Work progressed, however right up till the week before opening, when a lightning strike hit the bar and it burned to the ground. The church folks were rather smug in their outlook after that, till the bar owner sued the church on the grounds that the church was ultimately responsible for the demise of his building, either through direct or indirect actions or means. The church vehemently denied all responsibility or any connection to the buildings demise in its reply to the court. As the case made it's way into court, the judge looked over the paperwork at the hearing and commented, "I don't know how I'm going to decide this, but as it appears from the paperwork, we have a bar owner who believes in the power of prayer, and an entire church congregation that doesn't. ______________________________________________________   _____________________________________________________ 
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 _____________________________________________________ "What do you love most about me," a husband asked his wife, "my tremendous athletic ability or my superior intellect?" "What I love most about you," responded the man's wife, "is your hilarious sense of humor." ___________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Juwuan Terry, 18, Jason Epeards, 18, Jasean Dale, 19, Indianapolis, Indiana  Indiana teens murder delivery man, then ate the pizza  Three teens who ordered pizza in Indiana allegedly killed the delivery man and ate the food, according to officials. Police said LaVon Drake, 24, was shot to death Monday night in a robbery while delivering Papa Johns pizzas to a vacant home in Indianapolis, news station WXIN reported. The suspects Juwuan Terry, 18, Jason Epeards, 18, and Jasean Dale, 19 allegedly placed the delivery after breaking into the residence. Drakes body was found in the empty home around 7:45 p.m. Authorities said they were able to track down the suspects Tuesday since a neighbor saw the teens car and wrote down the license plate. The trio allegedly confessed to gunning down Drake. Murder charges were filed against all three of the teens. Epeards and Terry also face additional charges for robbery, according to court records. Drake, a manager at Papa Johns, was covering for his co- workers the night he was killed, according to WXIN. He was a good young man, a great employee and a great manager, his colleague Cheyenne Pryor told The Indianapolis Star. Im going to miss him so much. 
  From: Elvira Re: Noisy computer  Dear Webby, My computer works fine in the morning, but in the afternoon it gets noisy and most programs slow down. The wanna-be son-in-law who claims to be a computer guru, said it's just getting old and that he would give me $50 trade-in value for it if I bought a new $1600 computer from him. My computer is only two years old, and in the morning is still quite a speed demon. What's the real story? Elvira   Dear Elvira That guy is not a guru, he is a gooron, or a crook. Or possibly both. Your computer is simply overheating in the afternoon, because it has not been cleaned out for a long time. Take the side cover off. If you can do that and comfortably lie down on the floor in front of it, do it there, otherwise unplug everything and set the computer on top of some spread newspapers on the kitchen table. Then take the vaccum cleaner with the furniture crevice tool attached and clean out all the dust bunnies and dirt. Clean the heat sinks with Q-tips. "Heat Sinks" are those finned metal blocks that cover the CPU and other hard working chips. Some heatsinks have shrouds over them. Those can normally be removed wihout any tools. Just look at them and push on different sides and places. They are a bit tricky, but any woman, who can take a food processor apart and put it back together, has a huge advantage over men who have not acquired that skill. The heat sinks under shrouds frequently look rather gross, but no worse than the inside of a stove exhaust hood. Fold a kleenex or paper towel around a business card or credit card and slide it between the fins to clean them. If they don't come perfectly clean with just that, drip some rubbing alcohol or Windex onto the paper. Don't think of the project as a tedious nuisance. Consider it a battle against the evil dust bunnies in their secret castle and it's a fun ten minutes. Also clean the blades of any fan in there. Afterwards your computer will run fine all day and never get so hot that the fans go into noisy overdrive or that it slows down the CPU because it is getting too hot. When you put the computer back, put it onto some bricks or old phone books to raise the dust bunny entrance portal a bit above the floor. And don't forget to tell your daughter that her pet gooron is an idiot. Have FUN DearWebby  
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 Thanks to Linda for this story: In high school I was always self-conscious about my height. Once I was asked out by a lifeguard. I had never stood next to him and didn't know how tall he was, so the night of the date I took out two pairs of shoes, one with heels, one flat. I arranged with my brother to answer the door, compare his height with my date's, and run upstairs to let me know which pair of shoes to wear. When I heard the doorbell, I waited. Then my brother showed up and told me: "Go barefoot." 
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 A husband and wife were having dinner at a very fine restaurant when this absolutely stunning young woman comes over to their table, gives the husband a big kiss, says she'll see him later and walks away. His wife glares at him and says, "Who the hell was that?" "Oh," replies the husband, "she's my mistress." "Well, that's the last straw," says the wife. "I've had enough, I want a divorce." "I can understand that," replies her husband, "but remember, if we get a divorce it means that you don't get any more shopping trips, no more wintering down South, no more summers up North, no more spare car in the garage and no more yacht club. But the decision is yours." Just then, a mutual friend enters the restaurant with a gorgeous babe on his arm. "Who's that woman with Jim?" asks the wife. "That's his mistress," says her husband. "Ours is prettier," she replied. ____________________________________________________  Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Using a Plunger In a Bathroom Sink One problem with using a plunger in a bathroom sink is that the plunger can not create a true seal because of the overflow opening. Before plunging, cover the overflow with a piece of tape or hold a cloth against it. This will allow the plunger to do it's work efficiently.  Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________   
  
 
 The Skeleton of Jeremy Bentham 
 ___________________________________________________ During the minister's prayer one Sunday, there was a loud whistle from one of the back pews. Little Johnny's mother was horrified. She pinched him and told him to be silent. After church she asked, "Johnny, whatever made you do such a thing?" Little Johnny said quite honestly, "I asked God to teach me how to whistle and all of a sudden, He did!" ___________________________________________________ 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 Unable to attend the funeral after his father died, a son who lived far away called his brother and told him, "Do something nice for Dad and send me the bill." Later, he got a bill for $200.00, which he paid. The next month, he got another bill for $200.00, which he also paid, figuring it was some incidental expense. Bills for $200.00 kept arriving every month, and finally the man called his brother again to find out what was going on. "Well," said the other brother, "You said to do something nice for Dad. So I rented him a tuxedo." ____________________________________________________  
 Today, August 27 in 1660 The books of John Milton were burned in London due to his attacks on King Charles II. 1789 The Declaration of the Rights of Man was adopted by the French National Assembly. 1828 Uruguay was formally proclaimed to be independent during preliminary talks between Brazil and Argentina. 1858 The first cabled news dispatch was sent and was published by "The New York Sun" newspaper. The story was about the peace demands of England and France being met by China. 1859 The first oil well was successfully drilled in the U.S. by Colonel Edwin L. Drake near Titusville, PA. 1889 Charles G. Conn received a patent for the metal clarinet. 1889 Boxer Jack "Nonpareil" Dempsey was defeated for the first time of his career by George LaBlanche. 1892 The original Metropolitan Opera House in New York was seriously damaged by fire. 1894 The Wilson-Gorman Tariff Act was passed by the U.S. Congress. The provision within for a graduated income tax was later struck down by the U.S. Supreme Court. 1921 The owner of Acme Packing Company bought a pro football team for Green Bay, WI. J.E. Clair paid tribute to those who worked in his plant by naming the team the Green Bay Packers. (NFL) 1928 The Kellogg-Briand Pact was signed by 15 countries in Paris. Later, 47 other nations would sign the pact. 1938 Robert Frost, in a fit of jealousy, set fire to some papers to disrupt a poetry recital by another poet, Archibald MacLeish. 1939 Nazi Germany demanded the Polish corridor and Danzig. It had been awarded to Poland after WWI and was used by England as an Ultimatum for starting WWII. 1945 American troops landed in Japan after the surrender of the Japanese government at the end of World War II. 1962 Mariner 2 was launched by the United States. In December of the same year the spacecraft flew past Venus. It was the first space probe to reach the vicinity of another planet. 1972 North Vietnam's major port at Haiphong saw the first bombings from U.S. warplanes. 1981 Work began on recovering a safe from the Andrea Doria. The Andrea Doria was a luxury liner that had sunk in 1956 in the waters off of Massachusetts. 1984 U.S. President Ronald Reagan announced that the first civilian to go into space would be a teacher. The teacher that was eventually chosen was Christa McAuliffe. She died in the Challenger disaster on January 28, 1986. 1985 The Space Shuttle Discovery left for a seven-day mission in which three satellites were launched and another was repaired and redeployed. 1989 The first U.S. commercial satellite rocket was launched. A British communications satellite was onboard. 1990 The U.S. State Department ordered the expulsion of 36 Iraqi diplomats. 1991 The Soviet republic of Moldavia declared its independence. 1996 California Governor Pete Wilson signed an order that would halt state benefits to illegal immigrants. 1998 "Titanic" became the first movie in North America to earn more than $600 million. 1999 The final crew of the Russian space station Mir departed the station to return to Earth. Russia was forced to abandon Mir for financial reasons. 2001 The U.S. military announced that an Air Force RQ-1B "Predator" aircraft was lost over Iraq. It was reported that the unmanned aircraft "may have crashed or been shot down." 2001 Work began on the future site of a World War II memorial on the U.S. capital's historic National Mall. The site is between the Washington Monument and the Lincoln Memorial. 2018 Do smiled. 
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