Good Morning, Do! Today is Sunday, December 27 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ International Bonehead Award 2 arrested for shooting, killing man in Tulare on Christmas Eve ___________________________________________________ Today, December 24 in 1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy after 40 years of dictatorship. _____________________________________________________ The truth does not change according to our ability to stomach it. --- Flannery O'Connor (1925 - 1964) _____________________________________________________ An old wild west fort is about to be attacked. The wily old General sends for his trusty Indian Scout. "Yumti-Bi," he said, "you must use all your thirty years of skill in trying to estimate the sort of army we are up against here." Yumti-Bi laid down and put his ear to the ground... "Heap large -- war party," he says, "maybe three hundred braves, four chiefs, two on black stallions, two on white stallions. All have war paint...many many guns. Medicine man also with them." "Good grief!" exclaims the General, "you can tell all of that just by listening to the ground???" "No, General," replied the Indian, "I can see under the gate." _____________________________________________________ John Krampl at Waterton Lakes National Park. ___________________________________________________ Sam Dunne was trying to locate his son, John, whom he hadn't heard from in 7 years. He hired a private detective, Roger, who decided he'd start looking for John in New York City. After pounding the pavement for several days, Roger saw "Dunne & Bradstreet" on a sign outside a skyscraper. "Ahh... DUNNE!!" thought Roger, and walked into the foyer. "Excuse me...you don't work here," said a security guard seated at a desk. "Oh, I'm looking for John," said Roger. "Ah, that's down the hall, third door on the left," said the guard. Roger burst into the men's room just as some poor guy was leaving the toilet stall. "Are you Dunne??" asked Roger. The poor guy gestured towards the toilet and said, "Yes, yes I am." "Well then," said Roger, "You'd better give your father a call!" ___________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Cisco Vasquez, 25, Saul Ingraham, 21 Tulare, California, USA 2 arrested for shooting, killing man in Tulare on Christmas Eve Police officers have arrested two people they believe shot and killed a 33-year-old man in Tulare on Christmas Eve. Police say the shooting happened just after 11 pm in the area of G Street and San Joaquin Ave. When officers arrived, they found the victim suffering from a serious gunshot wound. He was taken to Kaweah Delta Medical Center, where he died. Not long after, Tulare PD's Crime Specifics Unit arrested two men, 25-year-old Cisco Vasquez and 21-year-old Saul Ingraham, who were near the crime scene and who, police say, escaped on foot after the shooting. They have been booked into the Tulare County Jail for homicide. DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Linda Re: Too slow connection Dear Webby, My neighbor's daughter claims her Internet connection is too slow for downloading Skype or Zoom for her mother. Is that possible? She is always on FaceBook, and her connection does not stop her from that. Is she lying? Linda Dear Linda, yes, she is. She probably wants to flirt at all her lovers, and not share the machine with her mother. Tell the mother to just use Facebook and hog the machine. She can also use the Speed test at https://www.speedtest.net/ If she gets 4.3 Mbps or more for download speed, then her connection is good enough. Most likely she will get a LOT more than that! Have FUN! DearWebby | If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! | If you like my work,
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_____________________________________________ A man absolutely hated his wife's cat and decided to get rid of him one day by driving him 20 blocks from his home and leaving him at the park. As he was getting home, the cat was walking up the driveway. The next day he decided to drive the cat 40 blocks away. He put the beast out and headed home. Driving back up his driveway, there was the cat! The man kept taking the cat further and further and the cat would always beat him home. At last he decided to drive a few miles away, turn right, then left, past the bridge, then right again and another right until he reached what he thought was a safe distance from his home and left the cat there. Hours later the man calls home to his wife: "Jen, is the cat there?" "Yes," the wife answers, "why do you ask?" Frustrated, the man answered, "Put that S.O.B. on the phone, I'm lost and need directions." ____________________________________________ She says: "Men are like fine wine. They all start out like grapes, and it's our job to stomp on them and keep them in the dark until they mature into something with which we'd like to have dinner." He says: "Women are like fine wine. They all start out fresh, fruity and intoxicating, and then turn full-bodied with age until they go all sour and vinegary and give you a headache." ____________________________________________ After a long and serious operation, Lena ended up in a coma. Try as they might, the doctors just couldn't bring her out of it. When her husband Ralph came into the intensive care unit to see her, the doctors gave him the bad news. "We just can't wake her. It doesn't look good I'm afraid," the doctor told Ralph in a quiet somber voice. Ralph looked at Lena and with a soft trembling voice said, "But doctor, she's so young. She's only 45." "37," came the weak reply from Lena. ____________________________________________ | Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
___________________________________________________ | Today December 27 in 1703 The Methuen Treaty was signed between Portugal and England, giving preference to the import of Portuguese wines into England. 1831 Charles Darwin set out on a voyage to the Pacific aboard the HMS Beagle. Darwin's discoveries during the voyage helped him form the basis of his theories on evolution. 1845 Dr. Crawford Williamson Long used anesthesia for childbirth for the first time. The event was the delivery of his own child in Jefferson, GA. 1900 Carrie Nation staged her first raid on a saloon at the Carey Hotel in Wichita, KS. She broke each and every one of the liquor bottles that could be seen. 1927 Leon Trotsky was expelled from the Communist Party. 1938 The first skimobile course in America opened in North Conway, NH. 1945 The World Bank was created with an agreement signed by 28 nations. 1947 The children's television program "Howdy Doody," hosted by Bob Smith, made its debut on NBC. 1949 Queen Juliana of the Netherlands granted sovereignty to Indonesia after more than 300 years of Dutch rule. 1951 In Cincinnati, OH, a Crosley automobile, with a steering wheel on the right side, became the first vehicle of its kind to be placed in service for mail delivery. 1965 The BP oil rig Sea Gem capsized in the North Sea, with the loss of 13 lives. 1978 Spain adopted a new constitution and became a democracy after 40 years of dictatorship. 1979 Soviet forces seized control of Afghanistan. Babrak Karmal succeeded President Hafizullah Amin, who was overthrown and executed. 1985 Palestinian guerrillas opened fire inside the Rome and Vienna airports. A total of twenty people were killed, including five of the attackers, who were slain by police and security personnel. 1992 The U.S. shot down an Iraqi fighter jet during what the Pentagon described as a confrontation between a pair of Iraqi warplanes and U.S. F-16 jets in U.N.-restricted airspace over southern Iraq. 1996 Muslim fundamentalist Taliban forces retook the strategic air base of Bagram, solidifying their buffer zone around Kabul, the Afghanistan capital. 2000 Mario Lemeiux (Pittsburgh Penguins) returned to the National Hockey League (NHL) as a player after over 3 years of retirement. He was the first owner-player in the modern era of pro sports. Lemieux had purchased the Pittsburgh Penguins during his retirement from playing. 2001 U.S. President George W. Bush granted China permanent normal trade status with the United States. 2002 North Korea ordered U.N. nuclear inspectors to leave the country and said that it would restart a laboratory capable of producing plutonium for nuclear weapons. 2002 Clonaid announced the birth of the first cloned human baby. The baby had been born December 26. 2002 In Chechnya, at least 40 people were killed when suicide bombers attacked the administartion of Grozny. 2020 Do smiled. |
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