Good Morning, Do! Today is Tuesday, November 16 ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: 'I have to rape you': Arizona man accused of sexual assault claims demons were involved ___________________________________________________ Today, November 16 in 1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. ____________________________________________________ Now and then an innocent man is sent to the legislature. --- Kin Hubbard (1868 - 1930) ____________________________________________________ When Liz went with her daughter to visit a prestigious university, their student guide pointed out the nationally ranked library and state-of-the-art science facilities. She told them that the professors were the best in the world, and she recommended to Liz's daughter to apply early to improve her chances for admission. She said, "We get so many applicants because of the stature and reputation of the school." After the tour Liz asked their guide, "Why did you choose this school?" She said, "Oh, because my boyfriend used to go here. He lives just a block from here, flipping burgers at McDonalds." ____________________________________________________  Morning fog in Korea ____________________________________________________ An elderly man called 911 to report, "there's a woman over here doing some yard work in one of those thong bikinis." Upon getting the response, An elderly man called 911 to report, '' there's a woman over here doing some yard work in one of those thong bikinis.'' Upon getting the response, "Sir, 911 is an emergency number. What do you expect the police to do about a woman in a thong bikini?" The man replied: "Nothing, just thought you fellows would like to know." ____________________________________________________ Reported by Rock  An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  David Lloyd Selke, 40, Chandler, Arizona, USA 'I have to rape you': Arizona man accused of sexual assault claims demons were involved A man is being accused of kidnapping and sexual assault following a bizarre incident in Chandler on Nov. 5. According to court documents, 40-year-old David Lloyd Selke was arrested at an apartment complex near Chandler Boulevard and McClintock Drive. Police were called out to a disorder call in the area, after a number of people called 911 and reported screaming at the apartment leasing office. "Officers investigated the situation and discovered Selke had responded to the leasing office to return his apartment keys after moving out of his residence, and attempted to sexually assault the apartment manager," read a portion of the court documents. According to investigators, the alleged victim said Selke came to her office to return his keys, and asked about the deposit for his apartment. "The victim went to her office and collected Selke's file to review before sitting at her desk. She reported Selke came around her desk. Then, she was spun around, and Selke began grabbing at her clothes, including her jacket, shirt, and pants. Selke reportedly told the victim I have to rape you,'" read a portion of the investigator's statement, as found in court documents. The alleged victim, according to police, screamed for help. Eventually, she was knocked to her knee, and eventually, Selke stopped "The victim returned to the lobby, where Selke asked her to go on a date. To ensure Selke did not assault her again, the victim agreed and provided her office phone number to Selke," investigators wrote. "The victim reportedly stood in the lobby with Selke until police arrived." In their report, investigators noted the alleged victim suffered a number of injuries, including bruises and abrasions to various parts of her body. During a police interview, investigators say Selka reported he had sexually assaulted the victim. "He assumed responsibility but implied he believed a devil or demons were Involved. He reported he did not rape her but remembered thinking he had to rape her, so it must have been his intention to sexually assault her," read a portion of the court documents. Investigators also say Selke claimed he had committed sexual offenses in the past, including incidents involving children and teens. In addition, investigators say Selke admitted to watching and downloading child pornography. A judge has set a Secured Appearance Bond of $50,000 for Selke. He is ordered to not return to the scene of the alleged crime, and refrain from contacting the alleged victim or the arresting officers. time. ____________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! ______________________________________________________ From: Larry Re: Continuous Glucose monitoring Dear Webby You mentioned once that you got chipped and use that continuous glucose monitoring. I looked at it but got scared off by the cost. Is it worth it? Larry Dear Larry Yes, it is expensive, $90 for a 2 week chip. I had to cut out some expenses, and I am trying to figure out what else I can cut. With the house insurance ($1500) due, it is scary aound here. Is it worth it? Yes. I was able to cut out one of my meds already, and I have been able to level off the rather erratic glucose curves. Instead of an A1C blood analysis every 3 months, I swipe the reader near my arm and I get all the results right NOW. The glucose number for the moment and a graph for the last 8 hours. That eables me to make a more intelligent decision on what to eat. My main problem there is that I skip meals. No woman around here to nag me into eating. However, when I see the graph going up, that reminds me that I SHOULD eat something. Have FUN! DearWebby
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_____________________________________________ One day a salesman stopped by the Jammer Jones farm, knocked, and Jammer's wife Frannie came to the door. "Is your husband home, Ma'am?" he asked. "Sure is. He's over in the cow barn." "Well, I got something to show him, Ma'am. Will I have any difficulty recognizing him?" "Shouldn't have any difficulties... He's the one with the beard and mustache, .... oh, and no horns." ______________________________________________ A father is in church with three of his young children, including his five year old daughter. As was customary, he sat in the very front row so that the children could properly witness the service. During this particular service, the minister was performing the baptism of a tiny infant. The little five year old girl was taken by this, observing that he was saying something and pouring water over the infant's head. With a quizzical look on her face, the little girl turned to her father and asked in a whisper, "Daddy, why is he brain-washing that baby?" ______________________________________________  Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. |
A man sat at a bar, drinking slowly. On his face was the saddest hangdog expression. The bartender asked, "What's the matter? Are you having troubles with your wife?" The man said, "We had a fight, and she told me that she wasn't going to speak to me for a month." The bartender said, "That should make you happy." The man said, "Unfortunately, the month is up today!" ___________________________________________________ Today, November 16, in 1776 British troops captured Fort Washington during the American Revolution. 1871 The National Rifle Association of America (NRA) was first chartered in the State of New York. 1885 Canadian rebel Louis Riel was executed for high treason. 1915 Coca-Cola had its prototype for a contoured bottle patented. The bottle made its commercial debut the next year. 1933 After Germany outlawed Communism, the United States and the Soviet Union established diplomatic relations for the first time. 1952 In the Peanuts comic strip, Lucy first held a football for Charlie Brown. 1966 Dr. Samuel H. Sheppard was acquitted in his second trial of charges he had murdered his pregnant wife, Marilyn, in 1954. 1969 The U.S. Army announced that several had been charged with massacre and the subsequent cover-up in the My Lai massacre in Vietnam on March 16, 1968. 1973 Skylab 3 carrying a crew of three astronauts, was launched from Cape Canaveral, FL, on an 84-day mission. 1973 U.S. President Nixon signed the Alaska Pipeline measure into law. That pipeline still works just fine. 1981 A vaccine for hepatitis B was approved. The vaccine had been developed at Merck Institute for Therapeutic Research. 1985 Colonel Oliver North was put in charge of the shipment of HAWK anti-aircraft missiles to Iran. 1988 Estonia's parliament declared that the Baltic republic was "sovereign," but stopped short of complete independence. 1997 China released Wei Jingsheng, a pro-democracy dissident from jail for medical reasons. He had been incarcerated for almost 18 years. 1998 In Burlington, WIsconsin, five high school students, aged 15 to 16, were arrested in an alleged plot to kill a carefully selected group of teachers and students. 1998 It was announced that Monica Lewinsky had signed a deal for the North American rights to a book about her affair with U.S. President Clinton. 1998 The U.S. Supreme Court said that union members could file discrimination lawsuits against employers even when labor contracts require arbitration. 1999 Chrica Adams, the pregnant girlfriend of Rae Carruth, was shot four times in her car. She died a month later from her wounds. The baby survived. Carruth was sentenced to a minimum of 18 years and 11 months in prison for his role in the murder. 2000 Bill Clinton became the first serving U.S. president to visit Communist Vietnam. 2001 The movie "Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone" opened in the U.S. and U.K. 2004 A NASA unmanned "scramjet" (X-43A) reached a speed of nearly 10 times the speed of sound above the Pacific Ocean. 2021 Do smiled. |
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