| Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, May 15 ___________________________________________________ It is warming up and the lawns are greening. Very soon I can make a bit of grocery money with laen mowing. In May, so far the donations have been $13.50. Not enough to live on. I know Bidenflation makes everybody poor, but this is getting ridiculous. If you have any spare change in your safe, ahem couch, please consider sending some of it to me. I will appreciate it a LOT more than your couch does. ____________________________________________________ History: Today, May 15 in 1768, Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased Corsica from Genoa shortly before Napoleon was born. If they hadn't, Napoleon would have been an Italian. ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Award: Woman shot and killed in West Oak Cliff parking lot over abortion _____________________________________________________ Q Human salvation lies in the hands of the creatively maladjusted. --- Martin Luther King Jr. Politics, n. Strife of interests masquerading as a contest of principles. --- Ambrose Bierce (1842 - 1914) ___________________________________________________ The Arkansas State Police received reports of illegal cock fights being held in the area around Caraway and duly dispatched the infamous Detective Sergeant "Paul" Desormeaux to investigate. He reported to his lieutenant the next morning. "Dey is tree main groups in dis cock fightin" he began. "Good work. Who are they?" the lieutenant asked. Desormeaux replied confidently, "De Aggies, de Cajuns, and de Mafia." Puzzled the lieutenant asked, "How did you find that out in one night?" "Well," was the reply, "I went down and done seed dat cock fight. I knowed the Aggies was involved when a duck was entered in the fight." The Lieutenant nodded, "I'll buy that, but what about the others?" Desmoreaux intoned knowingly, "Well, I knowed de Cajuns were involved wen summbody bet on de duck." "Ah," sighed the Lieutenant, "And how did you deduce the Mafia was involved?" "De duck won." ______________________________________________________ Jack is telling his friends about his recent divorce. "Yeah, she divorced me for her religious reasons. She worshipped money and I didn't have any." ______________________________________________________ Jared Lloyd red winged blackbird __________________________________________________ On her way back from the concession stand, Sarah asked the man at the end of the row, "Sir, did I step on your foot a minute ago?" Expecting an apology the man said, "Indeed you did." Sarah nodded. "Oh, good. Then this is my row." __________________________________________________ Shane "One-Spur" Blumberg, the original Jewish cowboy, was famous for wearing only one spur on his boots. Once, when confronted by a young reporter from a Dallas newspaper,he agreed to do an interview with the scrappy young reporter, if only to bring a good name to the Jewish community among his big ranching neighbors. The first meaningful question out of the young reporter's mouth was, "So why do you wear only one spur?" To which Shane Blumberg replied, "Well, I wasn't born with silver spurs on my boots, and besides, the way I figure, when one side of a horse starts to run, so will the other." ___________________________________________________ A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. "This is $200," she says. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "I want it even more sheer than that." "This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not." So his wife comes down, wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose. "So, how do you like it?" she says. "Damn, you'd think for $500, they'd at least iron the darn thing!" _____________________________________________________ An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..." The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here." ___________________________________________________ From: Eldridge RE: What's the story with IE? Dear Webby, On my W10 machine I see Internet Explorer showing up in the TaskManager after every reboot or mandatory update. I know it is crap, that is why Microsoft dumped it and replaced it with Edge. Why are they slithering it onto my machine? Eldridge Dear Eldridge Nobody knows. They have been doing that for ages. Officiaally their excuse is that certain apps in Microsoft Office might need it. I don't have Microsoft Office. Not in my budget. But IE still appears mysteriously. Just knock it off with the Task Manager. It just uses up precious memory. Have FUN! Dear Webby ___________________________________________________ Today, July 18 in 1942 The German Me-262, the first jet-propelled aircraft to fly in combat, made its first flight. _____________________________________________________ Today's Bonehead Award: School Bus hijacker sentenced to 24 years ______________________________________________________ You can discover what your enemy fears most by observing the means he uses to frighten you. --- Eric Hoffer (1902 - 1983) "Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television." --- Woody Allen. _____________________________________________________ A man goes to Frederick's of Hollywood. He wants to buy his wife the most sheer lingerie he can find. The woman behind the counter goes and gets an outfit. "This is $200," she says. "I want one that's more sheer," says he. "This one is $350." "I want it even more sheer than that." "This one is the most sheer that we have. It's $500." "I'll take it!" The man goes home to his wife and shows it to her, saying, "Go put this on and come down to model it for me." His wife goes upstairs, opens the box and thinks, "This thing is so see through that the old coot won't even notice if I'm wearing it or not." So his wife comes down, wearing nothing at all and strikes a pose. "So, how do you like it?" she says. "Damn, you'd think for $500, they'd at least iron the darn thing!" _____________________________________________________ On The Way Back: As I Was Sitting In The Phoenix Airport, They Announced That The Flight To Vegas Was Full. The Airline Was Looking For Volunteers To Give Up Their Seats. In Exchange, They'd Give You A $100 Voucher For Your Next Flight And A First Class Seat In The Plane Leaving An Hour Later. About Eight People Ran Up To The Counter To Take Advantage Of The Offer. About 15 Seconds Later All Eight Of Those People Sat Down Grumpily As The Lady Behind The Ticket Counter Said, "If There Is Anyone Else OTHER Than The Flight Crew Who'd Like To Volunteer, Please Step Forward." _________________________________________________ An elderly couple who were childhood sweethearts had married and settled down in their old neighborhood and are celebrating their fiftieth wedding anniversary. They walk down the street to their old school. There, they hold hands as they find the old desk they'd shared and where he had carved "I love you, Sally." On their way back home, a bag of money falls out of an armored car practically at their feet. She quickly picks it up, but they don't know what to do with it so they take it home. There, she counts the money, and it's fifty thousand dollars. The husband says, "We've got to give it back." She says, "Finders keepers." And she puts the money back in the bag and hides it up in their attic. The next day, two FBI men are going door-to-door in the neighborhood looking for the money and show up at their home. They say, "Pardon me, but did either of you find any money that fell out of an armored car yesterday?" She says, "No." The husband says, "She's lying. She hid it up in the attic." She says, "Don't believe him, he's getting senile." But the agents sit the man down and begin to question him. One says, "Tell us the story from the beginning." The old man says, "Well, when Sally and I were walking home from school yesterday..." The FBI guy looks at his partner and says, "Let's get out of here." ___________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by Ousseynou Sy 47, Milan, Italy School Bus hijacker sentenced to 24 years The driver of a school bus who torched the vehicle to protest Mediterranean migrant deaths claimed on Friday he acted after hearing the voices of drowned children urging him on, media reports said. Witnesses have described the terrifying moment when a bus driver took more than 50 schoolchildren and teachers hostage onboard a coach that he then set on fire. "He let us on to the bus and immediately barricaded us in," a teaching assistant said, recounting how the school bus hijacking in Italy unfolded before 51 children escaped as the driver torched the vehicle. "I was a second away from death," Tiziana Magarini told AFPTV on Thursday, her eyes still red and her voice unsteady a day after the harrowing incident. On Wednesday, a 10-minute bus trip turned into a 40-minute nightmare for schoolchildren in Crema, east of Milan, after their driver hijacked the vehicle and tried to drive it to a Milan airport. Driver Ousseynou Sy was usually "very well behaved, normal," Magarini said. But on Wednesday, the Italian bus driver of Senegalese origin came to work with a knife and cans of petrol. Seeking to draw attention to migrant deaths in the Mediterranean, Sy tied the two teachers to the door and told Magarini to tie up the children, using electric cable. She said she "tied them up badly", so they could get free. When Sy collected everyone's mobile phone, "I managed to let some of the children know with my eyes to keep them," she added. Sy then asked her to finish pouring the petrol over seats and curtains, as the children panicked. "The screaming, I couldn't calm them down," Magarini said. "He was saying weird things, I didn't really understand. He was talking a lot about Linate airport. But he didn't say what he wanted to do. He said 'I don't want to hurt you' and then he threatened us." "No one is getting out of here alive," Sy reportedly told the students as he diverted from the route back to school and took the motorway to the airport. "He said repeatedly that so many people in Africa keep dying," said one girl. The bus stopped and started several times while children telephoned for help. One said they called police who didn't understand. They then called their father. 'The driver wants to kill us' Another boy exchanged text messages with his mother. "Mum, we're on the bus, I don't know where they're taking us... the driver wants to kill us, he has a gun, call the police," the recorded message said, according to Italian media. Magarini discreetly called the school switchboard, where a colleague picked up and heard children screaming. As police cars converged on the bus to stop it, "the children were banging on the windows, calling for help," said policeman Roberto Manucci, one of the first on the scene. The driver crashed through a roadblock, taking out a car, before being trapped by other cars. Several police distracted him at the front of the hijacked bus while colleagues forced open the back door and smashed windows. "I heard an explosion at the back window and in two seconds an amazing team was there, they got them all out," said Magarini. Amateur video shows the terrifying moment as the children ran away screaming and crying. At the same time, Sy set fire to the petrol-soaked vehicle with a lighter before being subdued by police. Trapped next to the driver, Magarini was dragged to safety by a policeman. "I was a second away from death," she said. Police carried out a hostage rescue operation "like you see in films about special forces", said Milan prosecutor Francesco Greco. ______________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits From: Janice RE: Converter Dear Webby, You used to have a great measurement converter. Do you still have it? Since you are on the decimal system, you won't need it, but we are still using feets and furlongs and dicks and elbows, and weird stuff, that does not convert by shifting the decimal point. So I need your converter again, please! And Thank You, Janice Dear Janice I use Convert.exe since about 1996. Convert Because it is so popular, there are some phony, infected copies floating around the net. Get a clean and safe version directly from the maker at this link. It has never malfunctioned for me, is extremely fast, and has all measurement units you can think of. Yes, it still has Light-Years to Furlongs in there too. Everything is neatly sorted and easy to find. Have FUN! DearWebby ________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,Please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! _____________________________________________ Two irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel across the street. They saw a baptist minister walk into the brothel, and one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad." Then they saw a rabbi enter the brothel, and the other irishman said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see that the jews are fallin' victim to temptation." Then they saw a catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the irishmen said, "What a terrible pity... one of the girls must be quite ill." __________________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the Humor Letter, please donate what you can! _________________________________________________ Linda __________________________________________________ An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD reported by Rock, has been earned by Harold Thompson, 22, Dallas, Texas, USA Woman shot and killed in West Oak Cliff parking lot over abortion Police arrested and charged a man with the murder of a woman at a Dallas parking lot on Wednesday morning. 26-year-old Gabriella Gonzalez was walking through the parking lot S. Walton Walker Boulevard in West Oak Cliff when she was shot and killed. Police say they determined that 22-year-old Harold Thompson was the shooter. An arrest affidavit said that Thompson and Gonzalez were in a relationship. Surveillance video from the area showed Thompson, who had an active family violence strangulation warrant, attempted to put Gonzalez in a choke hold, according to the court documents. Gonzalez was able to get away from Thompson, but he then pulled out a gun and shot her one time in the head. He then fired more shots into her before running, according to the affidavit. Police say Gonzalez had just returned from Colorado where she terminated her pregnancy. The arrest warrant affidavit says Thompson was believed to be the father and he did not want her to get an abortion. Thompson is currently in the Dallas Jail being held without bond. A separate arrest warrant for Thompson, issued in March, was still active at the time of the shooting, court records show. The March affidavit does not name Gonzalez as the complainant, but the May affidavit describes her as "the victim" in the incident reported then. The March affidavit states that Thompson had beat the victim, a woman pregnant with his child, several times throughout their relationship, including trying to strangle her and leaving her with a black eye. The victim claimed that Thompson had "violently attacked her and left her bruised up" and remained "very fearful of the suspect," police wrote. His mom and sister were killed by domestic violence. Now, he's trying to help others NATIONAL His mom and sister were killed by domestic violence. Now, he's trying to help others "She is scared of the suspect because he had made threats to harm her family and her children," the warrant states. "She has kids from a different relationship, and suspect is very jealous of the complainant's ex-boyfriend." Court records show Gonzalez's sister, Mileny Rubio, was a witness to the shooting. "He was so angry that she wanted to get away from him," she told local news outlet local news outlet KXAS. She added later, "I knew she wasn't OK but we couldn't get help, we didn't know how." Gonzalez had just ended a tumultuous, four-month relationship with Thompson when the shooting occurred, her family said. ____________________________________________________ Today, May 15 in 1602, Cape Cod was discovered by Bartholomew Gosnold. 1614, An aristocratic uprising in France ended with the treaty of St.Menehould. 1618, Johannes Kepler discovered his harmonics law. 1702, The War of Spanish Succession began. 1768, Under the Treaty of Versailles, France purchased Corsica from Genoa shortly before Napoleon was born. If they hadn't, Napoleon would have been an Italian. 1795, Napoleon entered the Lombardian capital of Milan. 1849, Neapolitan troops entered Palermo, and were in possession of Sicily. 1862, The U.S. Congress created the U.S. Department of Agriculture. 1911, The U.S. Supreme Court ordered the dissolution of Standard Oil Company, ruling it was in violation of the Sherman Antitrust Act. 1916, U.S. Marines landed in Santo Domingo to quell civil disorder. 1918, Regular airmail service between New York City, Philadelphia and Washington, DC, began under the direction of the Post Office Department, which later became the U.S. Postal Service. 1926, Roald Amundsen and Lincoln Ellsworth were forced down in Alaska after a four-day flight over an icecap. Ice had begun to form on the dirigible Norge. 1930, Ellen Church became the first female flight attendant. 1940, Nylon stockings went on sale for the first time in the U.S. 1942, Gasoline rationing began in the U.S. The limit was 3 gallons a week for nonessential vehicles. 1948, Israel was attacked by Transjordan, Egypt, Syria, Iraq and Lebanon only hours after declaring its independence. 1951, AT&T became the first corporation to have one million stockholders. 1957, Britain dropped its first hydrogen bomb on Christmas Island in the Pacific Ocean. 1958, Sputnik III, the first space laboratory, was launched in the Soviet Union. 1963, The last Project Mercury space flight was launched. 1964, The Smothers Brothers, Dick and Tom, gave their first concert in Carnegie Hall in New York City. 1970, U.S. President Nixon appointed America's first two female generals. 1970, Phillip Lafayette Gibbs and James Earl Green, two black students at Jackson State University in Mississippi, were killed when police opened fire during student protests. 1972, Alabama Gov. George C. Wallace was shot by Arthur Bremer in Laurel, MD while campaigning for the U.S. presidency. Wallace was paralyzed by the shot. 1975, The merchant ship U.S. Mayaguez was recaptured from Cambodia's Khmer Rouge. 1980, The first transcontinental balloon crossing of the United States took place. 1983, In Boston,MA, the Madison Hotel was destroyed by implosion. 1988, The Soviet Union began their withdrawal of its 115,000 troops from Afghanistan. Soviet forces had been there for more than eight years. 1990, Vincent Van Gogh's "Portrait of Doctor Gachet" was sold for $82.5 million. The sale set a new world record. 1997, The Space shuttle Atlantis blasted off on a mission to deliver urgently needed repair equipment and a fresh American astronaut to Russia's orbiting Mir station. 1999, The Russian parliament was unable a attain enough votes to impeach President Boris Yeltsin. 2014, The National September 11 Memorial Museum was dedicated in New York City. 2023, Do smiled.
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