Good Morning, Do, Today is Sunday, September 17 Have Fun! Dearwebby Todays Bonehead Award: Arkansas Woman Used Government Funds To Buy Her Dog A Tuxedo, plus $200K of stuff for herself  Bonehead ______________________________________________________ Today, Sept 17 in 1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled all Jews from France. See More of what happened on this day in history. ______________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ So much of what we call management consists in making it difficult for people to work. --- Peter Drucker (1909 - 2005) "Work to become, not to acquire." --- Confucius It's a great satisfaction knowing that for a brief point in time you made a difference. --- Socratex Martyrdom is the only way a man can become famous without ability. --- George Bernard Shaw (1856-1950) ______________________________________________________ If you like the Humor Letter, please vote!  ______________________________________________________ Thanks to Sandie for this handy dictionary: DICTIONARY FOR WOMEN'S PERSONAL ADS: 40-ish..................................49 Adventurous.......................Slept with everyone Athletic...............................Flat Average looking...................Ugly Beautiful............................Pathological liar Contagious Smile................Does a lot of pills Emotionally Secure..............Medicated Feminist.............................Fat Free spirit...........................Junkie Friendship first..................Former slut Former model................Defintely former Fun...................................Annoying Generously built.............Pear shaped pinhead Just for conversation....Will cook breakfast next morning. Large frame.....................Hugely Fat New-Age.........................Body hair in the wrong places Old-fashioned....................No BJs Open-minded......................Desperate Outgoing...........................Loud and Embarrassing Passionate........................Sloppy drunk Professional.....................Bitch Reformed.......................On probation Voluptuous.....................Very Fat Want s Soul mate..............Stalker WOMEN'S ENGLISH: 1. Yes = No 2. No = Yes 3. Maybe = No 4. We need = I want. 5. I am sorry = you'll be sorry 6. We need to talk = You're in trouble 7. Sure, go ahead = You better not 8. Do what you want = You will pay for this later 9. I am not upset = Of course I am upset, you moron! 10. You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about? 11. I have a headache = You are not worth the effort 12. It's too early = I don't plan to stay awake much longer 13. I'm just not in the mood = Playing hard to get is more fun 14. I'm cold = You are not paying enough attention to me 15 I'm going to bed = You better be ready in 3 minutes 16 I'm going to sleep = You can stay on the puter all night MEN'S ENGLISH: 1. I am hungry = I am hungry 2. I am sleepy = I am sleepy 3. I am tired = I am tired 4. Nice dress = Nice cleavage! 5. I love you = Let's have sex now 6. I am bored = Do you want to have sex? 7. May I have this dance? = I'd like to have sex with you 8. Can I call you sometime? = I'd like to have sex with you 9. Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd like to have sex with you 10. Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd like to have sex with you 11. I don't think those shoes go with that outfit = I'm gay _____________________________________________________   ______________________________________________________ Two alligators were sitting at the side of the swamp. The quite smaller one turned to the quite bigger one and said, "I jes can't unnerstand hows you kin be so much bigger'n me. We're the same age, we was the same size as kids. I just don't get it." "Well," said the big 'gator, "What you been eatin', boy?" "Politicians - same as you," replied the small 'gator. "Hmmm. Well, where do y'all catch 'em?" "Down 'tother side of the old swamp near the parkin' lot by the capitol." "Same here. Hmmm. How do you catch 'em?" "Well, I crawls up under one of them Lexuses and wait fer one to unlock the car door. Then I jumps out, grab 'em on the leg, shake the crap out of 'em, and eat 'em!" "Ah!" says the big alligator, "I think I see your problem. You ain't gettin' any real nourishment. Ya see, by the time you get done shakin' the crap out of a politician, there ain't nothin' left but a mouth and a briefcase." ______________________________________________________   Loutraki Lighthouse in Greece _____________________________________________________ 
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 ______________________________________________________ Reported by the Bausell Sailor An INTERNATIONAL BONEHEAD AWARD has been earned by  Kristi Lyn Goss, 44, Hotsprings, Arkansas  Arkansas Woman Used Government Funds To Buy Her Dog A Tuxedo, plus $200K of stuff for herself  Kristi Lyn Goss may be guilty of fraud, but not of crimes against fashion. The 44-year-old Goss was previously employed as an administrative assistant to a judge in Garland County, Arkansas. That is, until authorities accused her of fraudulently charging $200,000 to a Garland County credit card. Goss used the card to purchase a diamond bracelet, tickets to Arkansas Razorbacks football games, sequined throw pillows and pet insurance, according to The Associated Press. Goss was set to stand trial Tuesday but opted to plead guilty at a pretrial hearing Monday to six felony counts of fraudulent use of the county's credit card, according to the Hot Springs Sentinel Record. She will be sentenced on Nov. 22. Arkansas State Police started investigating Goss in July, after an auditor noticed discrepancies on a Garland County credit card in May. An audit found that Goss, an administrative assistant to Garland County Judge Rick Davis, had used the county credit card for years for personal purchases and to pay bills. She was fired by the judge after the audit, according to KATV.com. Goss is potentially facing between three and 20 years for each count.  _________________________________  Tech Support Pits From: Darlene Re: CrapCleaner Dear Webby, I downloaded Crap Cleaner from your sidebar and love it. I have a question though... Before when I did a Disk Cleanup (or whatever it was called) there would be a part where it compressed old files. Do I still need to run the Disk Cleanup to do this or does the Crap Cleaner automatically do this too? Thanks Darlene  Dear Darlene CrapCleaner just cleans. It does not compress any files. Personally, I don't compress files unless it's an emergency and I am out of disk space. If you compress old files all the time, you have no emergency reserve. It's better to archive old and unused stuff off onto a CD now and then. Have FUN! DearWebby    
 One day, Doug was playing ball in the house, which was strictly against the rules, and he accidentally broke a vase in the living room. "Oh, no, my mom's gonna kill me!", he thought desperately. He frantically tried to fix it, any way he could. But tape, glue, even Superglue wouldn't hold all the shards together. He finally left the pieces in a pile on the table, and went to hide in his room. Soon, his mother came home, and he heard her calling him. "Doug, do you know who broke my vase? It's in here all in pieces!" Doug tried to drum up his courage, but at the last minute, he found himself answering, "No, Mom, I don't know." He cringed, waiting for her answer. "That's funny," she said, appearing at his door. "I wanted to thank whoever it was. I've never liked that ugly thing, and if it had not been a gift from your daddy's mom, I would have broken it myself years ago!" 
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 Daily tip from Thriftyfun.com Congratulations Casserole By melissa [293 Posts, 429 Comments Why the silly name? I put this together with leftovers and pantry items for dinner. My 6 year old who loves cooking and recipes asked me if I followed a new recipe or I made this one up. When I told her it was my own, she quickly responded;"Congratulations, it's very good!" I just thought that was too cute.:) That being said, it passed the test with 4 kids. Not a single complaint, I have to admit it is really good, comfort food. The best part about it, I used leftover ground beef and potatoes that would have been tossed otherwise. I find it very helpful personally to keep some basic pantry staples on hand for those times when you want to whip up something quick. Total Time: About 10 minutes Yield: Around 8-10 Ingredients: 3 1/3 cup ground beef 1 envelope taco or burrito seasoning 3 15 oz. cans drained mixed vegetables 3 10.5 oz cans cream of mushroom soup 3 1/2 cup shredded sharp cheddar cheese 4 1/4 cup mashed potatoes dash of basil My ground beef was originally prepared with an envelope of taco seasoning added. I would suggest adding this to yours as it gives it great flavor! I imagine this would also turn out quite tasty with leftover chicken if that is what you happen to have. Just use up those leftovers, it's like getting a free meal! :) *You could easily half this recipe for a smaller casserole* Steps: In a large mixing bowl, combine ground beef, taco or burrito seasoning, mixed vegetables and mushroom soups. Spread into a 13 by 9 inch casserole dish. Sprinkle with cheese. Spread potatoes over all, sprinkle with dried basil. It tastes good and makes it look nicer. Bake in a 350 degree F oven for 35 minutes. Remove from oven and enjoy! Tip provided by Thriftyfun.com  ____________________________________________________  
  
 
Redneck windshield washer
 ____________________________________________________  When the new patient was settled comfortably on the couch, the psychiatrist began his therapy session. "I'm not aware of your problem," the doctor said. "So perhaps, you should start at the very beginning." "Of course," replied the patient. "In the beginning, I created the Heavens and the Earth . . ." __________________________________________________  
 
 The brave women librarians who rode miles on horseback to deliver books to the back country people in Kentucky during the 1930s and 1940s. 
 ___________________________________________________ My friend's husband always teases her about her lack of in- terest in household chores. One day he came home with a gag gift, a refrigerator magnet that read: "Martha Stewart doesn't live here." The next day he came home to find the magnet holding up a slip of paper. The note read: "Neither does Bob Vila." 
 Ophelia Dingbatter's NewsNo sermon and not suitable for church, just jokes and fun for grownups. Read it on-line or subscribe. If you subscribe, look for the double opt-in confirmation request. 
 ____________________________________________________ Why don't you give up the drinking, smoking and carousing?' said the do-gooder. 'It's too late,' replied Murphy. 'It's never too late,' assured the virtuous one. 'Well, there's no rush then,' smiled Murphy. ____________________________________________________ 
 Today, Sept 17, in 1394 In France, Charles VI published an ordinance that expelled all Jews from France. 1778 The United States signed its first treaty with a Native American tribe, the Delaware Nation. 1787 The Constitution of the United States of America was signed by delegates at the Constitutional Convention. 1796 U.S. President George Washington's Farewell Address was read before the U.S. Congress. 1862 The Battle of Antietam took place during the American Civil War. More than 23,000 men were killed, wounded, or missing. The Rebel advance was ended with heavy losses to both armies. 1872 Phillip W. Pratt patented a version of the sprinkler system. 1911 The first transcontinental airplane flight started. It took C.P. Rogers 82 hours to fly from New York City to Pasadena, CA. 1930 Construction on Boulder Dam, later renamed Hoover Dam, began in Black Canyon, near Las Vegas, NV. 1932 Sir Malcolm Campbell set a speed record when he reached 276.27 mph over a half mile. 1937 At Mount Rushmore, Abraham Lincoln's face was dedicated. 1939 The Soviet Union invaded Poland. Germany had invaded Poland on September 1. 1944 Operation "Market Garden" was launched by Allied paratroopers during World War II. The landing point was behind German lines in the Netherlands. 1953 The Ochsner Foundation Hospital in New Orleans, LA, successfully separated Siamese twins. Carolyn Anne and Catherine Anne Mouton were connected at the waist when born. 1961 The Minnesota Vikings were debuted as the new National Football League (NFL) team. 1962 U.S. space officials announced the selection of Neil A. Armstrong and eight others as new astronauts. 1965 "Hogan's Heroes" debuted on CBS-TV. 1966 "Mission Impossible" premiered on CBS-TV. 1972 "M*A*S*H" premiered on CBS-TV. 1976 NASA unveiled the space shuttle Enterprise in Palmdale, CA. 1983 Vanessa Williams, as Miss New York, became the first black woman to be crowned Miss America. 1984 9,706 immigrants became naturalized citizens when they were sworn in by U.S. Vice-President George Bush in Miami, FL. It was the largest group to become U.S. citizens. 1984 Gordon P. Getty was named the richest person in the U.S. His fortune was $4.1 billion. 1984 Reggie Jackson hit his 500th career home run. It was exactly 17 years from the day he hit his first major league home run. 1988 Lt. Gen. Prosper Avril declared himself president of Haiti after President Henri Hamphy was ousted. 1991 The United Nations General Assembly opened its 46th session. The new members were Estonia, Latvia, Lithuania, North and South Korea, Micronesia and the Marshall Islands. 1992 Lawrence Walsh called a halt to his probe of the Iran- Contra scandal. The investigation had lasted 5 1/2 years. 1995 Hong Kong held its last legislative election before being taken over by China in 1997. 1997 Northern Ireland's main Protestant party joined in peace talks. It was the first time that all of the major players had come together. 1998 The United States government offered a reward for the capture of Haroun Fazil for his role in the U.S. bombing in Kenya on August 7, 1998. 1998 The U.S. announced a plan that would compensate victims in the Kenya and Tanzania U.S. Embassy bombings on August 7, 1998. 2014 The Dow Jones Industrial Average closed at an all time high of 17,156. 2017 Do smiled.
 
 
 

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