Dear Webby's Humor Letter
widely read, forwarded, copied and imitated daily since 1994
Dear Webby's Humor Letter, daily since 1994
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Good Morning, Do! Today is Monday, January 30 Thank you, Betty!

1411
Ophelia DingbatterIf you like my work,
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___________________________________________________ History: on this day, January 30, in 1972, In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known as "Bloody Sunday." ____________________________________________________ Bonehead Awards: Houston custodian infected 9 women with STD by messing with their water bottles __________________________________________________ Q An opinion should be the result of thought, not a substitute for it. --- Jef Mallett The intelligent man finds almost everything ridiculous, the sensible man hardly anything. --- Johann Wolfgang von Goethe (1749 - 1832) For a successful technology, reality must take precedence over public relations, for Nature cannot be fooled. --- Richard Feynman (1918 - 1988) No man's life, liberty or property are safe while the legislature is in session. --- Judge Gideon J. Tucker ________________________________________________ After being away on business, Clarence McDougal thought it would be nice to bring his wife a little gift. "How about some perfume fer me lass at home?" he asked the cosmetics clerk. She showed him a bottle costing $50.00. "That is a wee bit much," said Clarence. So the clerk returned with a smaller bottle for $30.00. "That's still a wee bit much," Clarence groused. Growing annoyed, the cosmetics clerk brought out a tiny $15.00 sample bottle. "What I mean," said Clarence, "is I would like to see something really cheap." So the clerk handed him a mirror. __________________________________________________ I don't normally tell blonde jokes, but this one was sent to me by a beautiful blonde lady who obviously must know which jokes are OK, and which ones go too far. ------------ A plane is on its way on a non-stop flight from Los Angeles to New York when a blonde in coach gets up and moves to the first class section and sits down. The stewardess watches her do this and asks to see her ticket. She then tells the blonde that she paid for coach and that she will have to sit in the back. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The stewardess goes into the cockpit and tells the pilot and copilot that there is some blond bimbo sitting in first class that belongs in coach and won't move back to her seat. The copilot goes back to the blonde and tries to explain that because she only paid for coach, she will have to leave first class and return to her seat in coach. The blonde replies, "I'm blonde, I'm beautiful, I'm going to New York and I'm staying right here!" The copilot tells the pilot that he probably should have the police waiting when they land to arrest this blonde woman that won't listen to reason. The pilot says, "I'll handle this. I'm married to a blonde. I have learned to speak blonde!" He goes back to the blonde, whispers in her ear and she gets up and moves back to her seat in the coach section. The stewardess and copilot are amazed and asked him what he said to make her move without any fuss. "I told her first class wasn't going to New York." __________________________________________________ Reported by Rock An International Bonehead Award has been earned by Lucio Catarino Diaz, Houston, Texas, USA Houston custodian infected 9 women with STD by messing with their water bottles A lawsuit was filed against multiple companies after a Houston custodian was arrested after a worker claimed he gave her an incurable sexually transmitted disease (STD) by peeing in her water bottle. Reports say law firm Abraham, Watkins, Nichols, Agosto, Aziz & Stogner partnered with Mo Aziz and attorney Morgan Mills, together with Kimberley Spurlock and Samantha Spencer of Spurlock & Associates, P.C. have filed a lawsuit on the behalf of 13 women against companies they say "permitted and disregarded" the actions of Lucio Catarino Diaz. "Its not only terrifying but somewhat humiliating for them," says Spurlock, one of the attorneys representing the women. "His disgusting actions have left many of us with permanent health concerns," Spurlock says as she reads from a statement from one of her clients. Diaz, who was said to have the Herpes Simplex 1 Virus, allegedly tampered with water bottles in an East Houston office building which led to more than 13 women in the same building testing positive for incurable STDs. We reported in October about a woman who said she noticed a water bottle she kept on her desk smelled and tasted funny. She soon realized it was pee. Later on, in August 2022, several other women also noticed the water bottles in their building smelled and tasted foul, similar to urine. This caused one of the women to buy a hidden camera and place it on her desk. The video was said to show nighttime janitor Diaz approaching the womans desk and setting his cleaning supplies down. Diaz then allegedly began to rub his genitalia on the interior and mouth of a water bottle sitting on the desk, even turning it upwards to ensure he touched the water. The video then allegedly showed him placing the bottle back where he found it and continuing to clean the desk. The next day the woman reportedly sent a copy of the video to the building's management company and told them she would be notifying the other tenants in the building. The management company asked the woman not to tell the tenants and told her they would handle the incident and let them know, reports say. "Even after building management knew about the video they did not contact the police. Our clients did," says Mo Aziz. However, the building allegedly gave no notification to the tenants, and later the same evening the hidden camera caught Diaz doing the act again. Reports say it was six days after receiving the video, on Oct. 3, 2022, when the company finally notified tenants. "He was allowed to come back in, and he continued to conduct himself this way and who knows how many people picked up their water bottles during that six days and were effected by his actions," Spurlock adds. Diaz admitted to the crime and was charged with Aggravated Assault with a Deadly Weapon. Reports say the deadly weapon was his bodily fluids which contained the virus. "My baby asked me mom you dont love me anymore thats why you wont kiss me?. I was never one to believe monsters existed until it was proven they do by humans," Spurlock continues as she recites her clients' statements. Four women who worked in the office building initially filed a lawsuit after they reportedly tested positive for STDs. Since then, nine other women who worked in the building came forward with the same allegations and STDs. The Defendants named in the lawsuit include the owner of the building, the buildings management company, the maintenance company, and the cleaning company that employed Diaz. ___________________________________________________________ Indian Peafowl ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ____________________________________________________ Do went up to father and asked, "Dad, where did all of my intelligence come from?" Do's father replied, "Well, son, you must have gotten it from your mother, 'cause I still have mine." ____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ There's a little boy at school and asks the teacher if he can go to the washroom. "Okay" says the teacher. "But first you've got to say the alphabet." They boy says the alphabet: "a,b,c,d,e,f,g,h,i,j,k,l,m,n,o,q,r,s,t,u,v,w,x,y,z." "What happened to the 'p'?" asked the teacher. "It's leaking out of my boots now." __________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! _____________________________________________________ ___________________________________________________ If you can spare a coin, PLEASE hit PayPal with it! ___________________________________________________ An 8-year-old girl went to her dad, who was working in the yard. She asked him: "Daddy, what is sex?" The Dad was surprised that she would ask such a question, but decides that if she is old enough to ask the question, then she is old enough to get a straight answer. He proceeded to tell her all about the 'birds and the bees'. When he finished explaining, the little girl was looking at him with her mouth hanging open. "Why did you ask this question?" Her father asked her: The little girl replied, "Well mom told me to tell you that dinner would be ready in just a couple of secs." ____________________________________________________ DearWebby's Tech Support Pits FROM: Trinity RE: Crushmaster Dear Webby! maybe you can help me find out. I received a letter from a site called crushmaster, that told me that somebody had a crush on me. It would not tell me who it was, but promised to confirm with yes or no if I entered the name and address and age of who I guessed that person was. I entered every address I had, from my youngest granddaughter on up to the retired parish priest, but it just kept telling me to keep trying. This is driving me nuts! Hope you can help! Trinity Dear Trinity All those people, from your youngest granddaughter to your retired parish priest will now get spam, thanks to you. You got conned into supplying their names and addresses. And you will never find out from which spam CD they got your address in the first place. I get goofy stuff like that all the time and really have to laugh when some bimbo writes to me at for example abuse@webby.com (the address that sends nasty notes to spammers) and she claims that "Mr Abuse" had responded to her ad on some dating site. Obviously she is just a spammer with an IQ smaller than her bra size and had bought one of those spam CD's. Whenever you get stuff like that, especially when they ask you to fill in sensitive information like email address and age, dump it in the trash. And always remember: "Legitimate businesses advertise, only liars spam." Have FUN DearWebby _____________________________________________________ The teacher in Little Johnny's school asked the class what their mothers did for a living. One little girl said her mother was a doctor, another said her mother was an engineer. When it was Little Johnny's turn, he stood up and said: "My mom's a streetwalker." Naturally, after that remark, he got sent off to the principal's office. Then, 15 minutes later, he returned. So the teacher asked, "Did you tell the principal what you said in class?" Johnny said "Yes" "Well, what did the principal say?" "He said that every job is important in our economy, gave me an apple and asked for my phone number." ____________________________________________________ Today, January 30 in 1649, England's King Charles I was beheaded. 1790, The first purpose-built lifeboat was launched on the River Tyne. 1798, The first brawl in the U.S. House of Representatives took place. Congressmen Matthew Lyon and Roger Griswold fought on the House floor. 1844, Richard Theodore Greener became the first African American to graduate from Harvard University. 1847, The town of Yerba Buena was renamed San Francisco. 1862, The U.S. Navy's first ironclad warship, the "Monitor", was launched. 1889, Rudolph, crown prince of Austria, and his 17-year-old mistress, Baroness Marie Vetsera, were found shot in his hunting lodge at Mayerling, near Vienna. 1894, C.B. King received a patent for the pneumatic hammer. 1900, The British fighting the Boers in South Africa ask for a larger army and got it. 1910, Work began on the first board-track automobile speedway. The track was built in Playa del Ray, CA. 1911, The first airplane rescue at sea was made by the destroyer "Terry." Pilot James McCurdy was forced to land in the ocean about 10 miles from Havana, Cuba. 1933, "The Lone Ranger" was heard on radio for the first time. The program ran for 2,956 episodes and ended in 1955. 1933, Adolf Hitler was named the German Chancellor. 1948, Indian political and spiritual leader Mahatma Gandhi was murdered by a Hindu extremist. 1958, Yves Saint Laurent, at age 22, held his first major fashion show in Paris. 1958, The first two-way moving sidewalk was put in service at Love Field in Dallas, TX. The length of the walkway through the airport was 1,435 feet. 1962, Two members of the "Flying Wallendas" high-wire act were killed when their seven-person pyramid collapsed during a performance in Detroit, MI. 1964, January 30, The U.S. launched Ranger 6. The unmanned spacecraft carried television cameras and was intentionally crash-landed on the moon. The cameras did not return any pictures to Earth. 1968, The Tet Offensive began as Communist forces launched surprise attacks against South Vietnamese provincial capitals. 1972, In Northern Ireland, British soldiers shot and killed thirteen Roman Catholic civil rights marchers. The day is known as "Bloody Sunday." 1979, The civilian government of Iran announced it had decided to allow Ayatollah Ruhollah Khomeini to return. He had been living in exile in France and sending stacks of tape cassettes. 1989, The U.S. embassy in Kabul, Afghanistan was closed. 1994, Peter Leko became the world's youngest-ever grand master in chess. 1995, The U.N. Security Council authorized the deployment of a 6,000-member U.N. peace-keeping contingent to assume security responsibilities in Haiti. 1995, Researchers from the U.S. National Institutes of Health announced that clinical trials had demonstrated the effectiveness of the first preventative treatment for sickle cell anemia. 1996, Gino Gallagher, the reputed leader of the Irish National Liberation Army, was shot and killed as he queued for his unemployment benefit. 1997, A New Jersey judge ruled that the unborn child of a female prisoner must have legal representation. He denied the prisoner bail reduction to enable her to leave the jail and obtain an abortion. 2002, Slobodan Milosevic accused the U.N. war crimes tribunal of an "evil and hostile attack" against him. Milosevic was defending his actions during the Balkan wars. 2002, Japan's last coal mine was closed. The closures were due to high production costs and cheap imports. 2005, In Iraq, the first free Parliamentary elections since 1958 took place. 2017, In China, scientist revealed 540-million-year-old Saccorhytus in a fossil. The actual creature would have been about a millimeter in size. 2022 Do smiled.
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