p Good Morning, Do! Thank you, Betty!! Today is Sunday, June 11 ____________________________________________________ History: today, June 11 in 1998, Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers. ___________________________________________ Bonehead Milwaukee shooter/killer of 1-year-old arrested ___________________________________________________ Q Literature is an occupation in which you have to keep proving your talent to people who have none. --- Jules Renard (1864 - 1910) ______________________________________________________ Two men were walking home after a Halloween party and decided to take a shortcut through the cemetery just for laughs. Right in the middle of the cemetery they were startled by a tap-tap-tapping noise coming from the misty shadows. Trembling with fear, they found an old man with a hammer and chisel, chipping away at one of the headstones. "Holy cow, Mister," one of them said after catching his breath, "You scared us half to death -- we thought you were a ghost! What are you doing working here so late at night?" "Those fools!" the old man grumbled. "They misspelled my name!" _____________________________________________________ The following were answers provided by 6th graders during a history test. Watch the spelling! Some of the best humor is in the misspelling. 1. Ancient Egypt was inhabited by mummies and they all wrote in hydraulics. They lived in the Sarah Dessert. The climate of the Sarah is such that all the inhabitants have to live elsewhere. 2. Moses led the Hebrew slaves to the Red Sea where they made unleavened bread, which is bread made without any ingredients . Moses went up on Mount Cyanide to get the ten commandments. He died before he ever reached Canada. 3. Solomon had three hundred wives and seven hundred porcupines. 4. The Greeks were a highly sculptured people, and without them we wouldn't have history. The Greeks also had myths. A myth is a female moth. 5. Socrates was a famous Greek teacher who went around giving people advice. They killed him. Socrates died from an overdose of wedlock. After his death, his career suffered a dramatic decline. 6. In the Olympic games, Greeks ran races, jumped, hurled biscuits, and threw the java. 7. Julius Caesar extinguished himself on the battlefields of Gaul. The Ides of March murdered him because they thought he was going to be made king. Dying, he gasped out: "Tee hee, Brutus." 8. Joan of Arc was burnt to a steak and was canonized by Bernard Shaw. 9. Queen Elizabeth was the "Virgin Queen." As a queen she was a success. When she exposed herself before her troops they all shouted "Hurrah". 10. It was an age of great inventions and discoveries. Gutenberg invented removable type and the Bible. Another important invention was the circulation of blood. Sir Walter Raleigh is a historical figure because he invented cigarettes and started smoking. 11. Sir Francis Drake circumsized the world with a 100-foot clipper. 12. The greatest writer of the Renaissance was William Shakespeare. He was born in the year 1564, supposedly on his birthday. He never made much money and is famous only because of his plays. He wrote tragedies, comedies, and hysterectomies, all in Islamic pentameter. Romeo and Juliet are an example of a heroic couple. Romeo's last wish was to be laid by Juliet. 13. Writing at the same time as Shakespeare was Miguel Cervantes. He wrote Donkey Hote. The next great author was John Milton. Milton wrote Paradise Lost. Then his wife died and he wrote Paradise Regained. ________________________________________________  ___________________________________________________ A Bonehead award has been reported by Rock  Davon Chapman, 27, Milwaukee, USA Milwaukee shooter/killer of 1-year-old arrested A 27-year-old Milwaukee man is now charged in connection with the fatal shooting of a 1-year-old child outside Atkinson Library in Milwaukee on June 3. The accused is Davon Chapman and he faces the following criminal counts: First-degree reckless homicide Possession of a firearm by a felon According to the criminal complaint, Milwaukeee police responded to a ShotSpotter alert that identified the sound of 11 gunshots near 19th and Atkinson on the evening of Saturday, June 3. Another officer responded to a fire station not far from the shooting scene -- and learned a 1-year-old child, later identified as Zy'Aire Nevels, was shot and had been taken to Children's Wisconsin. "She fought all the way to the hospital, fought," said Montrell Nevels, Zy'Aire's father. "Literally a whole life ahead of her." Nevels later died. Officers on the scene of the shooting located eight 9mm bullet casings in the street in front of Atkinson Library. This is close to the ShotSpotter alert. A detective spoke with the mother of Nevels. She said the 1- year-old was in a car seat just behind the driver, his father. The woman's 3-year-old was in a car seat behind her. As they left their home, the complaint says "a white Impala began following and then chasing them." "We sped up, they sped up. We went around cars, they went around cars," said Zhane Brown, Zy'Aire's mother. The mother said she could see the defendant driving -- and stated that Chapman was her best friend's husband, and that she had been talking to the defendant. The complaint says Nevels' father described being chased by the Impala -- even through red lights. He was "watching the rearview mirror as they crossed West Capitol Drive and saw muzzle flashes and heard gunfire," the complaint says. "We were trying to get away, and that when he let the shots off," Brown said. Zy'Aire's father then drove to the nearby fire station. The child had been shot in the arm and head and would not survive. Authorities chased down Chapman. They arrested him on Interstate 94 in Kenosha County the next day. It all unfolded during a high-risk traffic stop. A detective spoke with the defendant's mother. She said she spoke with the defendant on the phone and "he was crying and told her 'I killed a kid. I got kids I wasn't trying to do that,'" the complaint says. Later that night, the defendant texted his mother a news article about the 1-year-old child and said, "Ma, I messed up," the complaint says. Apparently he was trying to murder the father of the one year old kid. ___________________________________________________ A mother and her daughter were shopping in a mall one day when the mother spied an expensive fur coat. She tried it on and stood in front of the mirror admiring the look and stroking the fur. "This year, I think I'll get myself a birthday present," she said. "But mom," her daughter protested, "some helpless, poor creature has to suffer so that you can have this." "Don't worry, honey. Your father won't get the VISA bill for a couple of weeks." ___________________________________________________ Consider the scoutmaster and his wife driving along a rural highway only to find the road blocked by a herd of cows which had escaped through a broken fence. The scoutmaster tries honking his horn to scare the cattle from the pavement, but to no avail. The horn is dead. He gets out of the car, lifts the hood, and sees the problem -- a loose wire. He hooks it up again and gets back in the car. His wife asks him if he had any luck. "Yep," he replies. "Beep repaired." _____________________________________________________ From: Barb RE: Currency conversion Dear Webby, Sometimes I have to figure out what a certain amount of Brutish Pounds are in US dollars, but don't want to wait for official trading sites or banks, which are even worse. What do you recommend? Barb Dear Barb With "Brutish" you must have been influenced by their cooking! If you have Chrome, just type into the URL line: 12345 BPD to USD and hit ENTER for an instant result. Have fun! Dearwebby ____________________________________________ If you can help with the cost of the humor letter, please donate what you can! If you like my work,please donate a dollar, or two, if you can afford it!Please, help me stay online! ___________________________________________________  __________________________________________________ History Today June 11, in 1346, Charles IV of Luxembourg was elected Holy Roman Emperor in Germany. 1509, King Henry VIII married his first of six wives, Catherine of Aragon. 1770, Captain James Cook discovered the Great Barrier Reef off of Australia when he ran aground. 1776, In America, the Continental Congress formed a committee to draft a Declaration of Independence from Britain. 1798, Napoleon Bonaparte took the island of Malta. 1889, The Washington Business High School opened in Washington, DC. It was the first school devoted to business in the U.S. 1895, Charles E. Duryea received the first U.S. patent granted to an American inventor for a gasoline-driven automobile. 1912, Silas Christoferson became the first pilot to take off from the roof of a hotel. 1915, British troops took Cameroon in Africa. 1927, Charles A. Lindberg was presented the first Distinguished Flying Cross. 1930, William Beebe dove to a record-setting depth of 1,426 feet off the coast of Bermuda. He used a diving chamber called a bathysphere. 1934, The Disarmament Conference in Geneva ended in failure. 1936, The Presbyterian Church of America was formed in Philadelphia, PA. 1937, Soviet leader Josef Stalin began a purge of Red Army generals. 1940, The Italian Air Force bombed the British fortress at Malta in the Mediterranean. 1942, The U.S. and the Soviet Union signed a lend lease agreement to aid the Soviets in their effort in World War II. 1943, During World War II, the Italian island of Pantelleria surrendered after heavy air bombardment. 1947, The U.S. government announced an end to sugar rationing. 1950, Ben Hogan returned to tournament play after a near fatal car accident. He won the U.S. Open. 1963, Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. was arrested in Florida for trying to integrate restaurants. 1963, Alabama Gov. George Wallace allowed two black students to enroll at the University of Alabama. 1967, Israel and Syria accepted a U.N. cease-fire. 1972, Hank Aaron tied the National League record for 14 grand- slam home runs in a career. 1973, After a ruling by the Justice Department of the State of Pennsylvania, women were licensed to box or wrestle. 1977, In the Netherlands, a 19-day hostage situation came to an end when Dutch marines stormed a train and a school being held by South Moluccan extremist. Two hostages and the six terrorists were killed. 1981, The first major league baseball player's strike began. It would last for two months. 1982, Steven Spielberg's movie "E.T." opened. 1987, Margaret Thatcher became the first British prime minister in 160 years to win a third consecutive term of office. 1990, The U.S. Supreme Court struck down a law that would prohibit the desecration of the American Flag. 1991, Mount Pinatubo in the Philippines erupted. The eruption of ash and gas could be seen for more than 60 miles. 1993, The U.S. Supreme Court ruled that people who commit "hate crimes" could be sentenced to extra punishment. The court also ruled in favor of religious groups saying that they indeed had a constitutional right to sacrifice animals during worship services. 1993, Steven Spielberg's movie "Jurassic Park" opened. 1998, Mitsubishi of America agreed to pay $34 million to end the largest sexual harassment case filed by the U.S. government. The federal lawsuit claimed that hundreds of women at a plant in Normal, IL, had endured groping and crude jokes from male workers. 1998, Pakistan announced moratorium on nuclear testing and offered to talk with India over disputed Kashmir. 2010, The FIFA World Cup opened in South Africa. It was the first time it was held in Africa. 2023, Do smiled.
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